This makes me sad. Just reading the words of someone who is in so much pain. I think every human deals with some amount of pain, and for others that pain can be much worse. I know that through most of my life I've always battled some form of depression and feeling like I'm worthless. My thoughts have never brought me to the consideration of suicide but I understand it when people get to that place. I know what it can feel like to be alone and feel like you don't have anyone that cares about you, but you have to keep moving forward and fighting back. I'm personally not that religious, but I do believe in some greater power out there, and you have to believe in something. And within that belief you can find hope. I think we are all here for a reason, even you and even me. What that reason is, we might never find out. But we have to keep the faith and not give up. LOVE is the key and I know it's hard to put yourself out there, but if you do, you give yourself a chance to find that love and acceptance that we all crave so much. Keep the darkness away and open your heart up to the love and beauty of the world. I will make the effort if you will. Deal?
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I put myself out there all the time. But because of my genetic disorder, the world constantly rejects me. I have dealt with this all my life. As a child my parents said it will get easier when you get older because adults are not as mean as kids, but the exact opposite happened. Adult are even worse. If you look weird or strange, people always assume the worst. I spend 99% of my time alone not because I am a loaner, it is because know want to be seen or associate with someone who is physically different.
Last night was probably closest night I have ever came to taking my own life, I feel a little better today, I am really thinking about going to the hospital. There is no way in hell that I am going to do 40 more year of this.