you said
anticipating loss and experiencing the actual moment of it are two very different things
...they are. I know what you've gone through.
One thing I will say is that I appreciate and respect your respect for your mother and the dignity you allowed her. No want wants to burden their children...I'm glad you stayed until the end.
Bless you.
I wouldn't have missed it for the world. In fact, I had just run home to grab a couple of pillows and a blanket to prepare to stay the night. I was only gone maybe 20 minutes. When I got back, I was there for literally about 3 minutes when my sister spotted the change in breathing.
You'll go through a lot of different emotions over the next months. Take the time you need, grieve in your own way - there is no right or wrong here. I re read your post and noticed you said
It is natural. I makes sense. Regrets for doing this or not doing that better is all part of the grief. It's a common thought.
I don't know you at all and I don't know if we've even talked before....but from your letter you sound like a really good son.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.