Thank you for the detailed and thought-full post! I think what jumps out at me first about your comment is that you did the formal higher thing as an adult. This is partly why it is a little tricky to dissect the problem. Most of the problems I see with higher ed are not nearly that big of deal when the consumer is an adult who is motivated to learn (for any multitude of reasons) and willing to engage. I saw your last comment first when I was on my phone and didn't realize it came after this one. I agree, the system is not (necessarily) outdated, as it works quite well for many people. I would equate this loosely to the idea that public education is not failing, since around 85% of high school students do graduate, but that doesn't mean it can't be improved, sometimes greatly.
I appreciate what my kids are learning in their somewhat traditional elementary school. Although my son will get is school-issued ipad next year, which I hate. The only reason they have them is to facilitate the standardized tests, but then the teachers are pressured to make use of them in other ways. That's a digression, but my point is that I recognize that school serves a certain set of purposes, and I see my role as filling in all the gaps. You better believe my kids learning to sow seeds indoors and then put them out in the garden. We raise chickens for the primary purpose of teaching them about how food gets to our plates. We go on outdoor adventures where we learn about we can go a couple of hours without a snack and juice box (smh :). They are also by our sides as my wife and do things like run a town track club, participate in the pta, etc, etc. Everything is a learning possibility.
My one thought about your own kids finding those well-meaning teachers is that we do have to accept that there are always going to be people in professions that are less skilled than others, and sometimes are just out of place. My wife is a high school counselor, and she fights a lot of kids and parents who want to switch classes the moment they have an issue with a teacher. What is a kid like that going to do when they don't like a boss? All colleges have good and bad teachers, but a fully engaged student will seek out the better teachers. For example, I learned early in college that I should register to take classes from the exact teachers my peers complained about (within reason). In most cases they were complaining because the teacher cared enough about their job to challenge their students. Don't get me wrong, I am hoping for all sorts of evolution in education, but even today college does provide a wonderful experience -- it can just be lost on people who really don't want to be there, or simply don't understand what its even about. You should read the comment here from @derosnec as it has some overlap with what you wrote.
I will definitely check out your posts. Thanks fro dropping the links. I know some consider that taboo, but I think if we are honestly connecting on ideas it is not only appropriate but also just helpful.
I would love to stay in touch as our own kids grow up. Its going to be fun to see where we are in ten years.
Where are you planning to go to graduate school, and what is your area of study?
Cheers!