It is Mother's Day, here in the USA. Happy Mother's Day to everyone!
Since my mother passed away some years back, this day has become more about our adult kids and my wife. However, I like to take a few moments to reflect on the past, and times I used to spend with my own mother.
Lives of Diverging Perspectives
Although I was primarily raised by my mother-- my parents separated when I was about ten-- we were never particularly close. Yes, we were certainly biologically connected, but our outlook on life and what was "important" was mostly at odds.
One of the last photos of my mom and I... a bit awkward, but there we are...
I don't make that statement lightly, but it was never just a case of the typical parent/child disagreements of defiance... we just ended up with fundamentally different values, belief systems and worldviews. She was conservative in an often narrow-minded and even bigoted way (other people's words, more than mine)... and while I was never what you'd call a "hairy liberal," my own worldview tends to be far more open, alternative and expansive.
Our relationship was not made any closer by my leaving home and starting out on my own when I was 18, and subsequently moving from Europe to the US, putting thousands of miles of geographical distance between us, in addition to the spiritual/philosophical distance.
Lilacs in the garden
I should add that we were always very cordial with each other, in spite of our differences... but there were large "minefields" in our relationship where we just never entered into conversation.
And Then There Was the Kitchen...
The one place my mother and I always connected and had a great time was in the kitchen.
Even if it was a little out of character for my mother's remaining life perspectives, she was adamant that "I'm not sending some helpless and hapless man who can't feed himself out into the world!"
I was maybe five or six when she first stuck a potato peeler in my hand and set me to work peeling potatoes, apples and carrots. In the course of the next 10-12 years, she taught me most of the basics of cooking and food... and beyond. I served as her "assistant" when she catered swank parties for diplomats and dignitaries; I helped out when we had groups of family and friends for dinner.
Yellow Finches on the feeder
As the years rolled by the kitchen became the center for most of our visits. We really didn't have a lot to say to each other about life, so once the typical "when are you going to get yourself a REAL job and join a nice country club so you can meet the right kind of people" conversations out of the way, we'd start planning meals and cooking time... and the remaining 3-4 days of the visit would revolve around food.
What's Left Today... Good Food!
My mother passed away in 2009, at age 87 after spending about a year in an assisted living center, due to worsening dementia.
Sunset, Olympic Peninsula, Washington
Not surprisingly, there were about 6000 miles separating us, at the time of her death. I spent some time feeling somewhat guilty over the fact that I didn't really feel a great sense of loss when she passed. The only thing I felt strongly was that it seemed strange that we would never cook together again.
The most significant thing she left me was her collection of cookbooks... many of which I continue to use, to this day. Stuffed in the pages in between are also 100's of handwritten recipes... many of them the result of "kitchen experiments" we did together.
In retrospect, the most interesting thing-- even though my mom and I were never all that close-- is that she's "there" in some way, every time I step in the kitchen...
Happy Mother's Day to all!
How about YOU? Any special memories or activities you associate with your mother? Are/were you close... or not so close? Leave a comment and share your experience-- start the conversation!
(As always, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for Steemit)
@denmarkguy, thanks for sharing. Like you, I wasn't close to my Mom whom I lost a few years ago, too. But I respected her immensely and saw what her overall goal was - she wanted to raise a bunch of good citizens, and I think she did.
I was raised with 12 brothers and sisters, six older, six younger - so I am an authentic middle child. As such, I was quite challenging. Part of it was sometimes I was confused when I was included in doing the chores with the older siblings, and sometimes I was excluded from doing the fun things they were allowed to do. I was considered too young. Who said parenting was easy? :-) But overall good memories.
Now today, like all Mother's Days since she passed, I reflect on her life and miss her. Then I focus on the wife and kids and their spouses. But today was strange. I get a word of the day from Dictionary.com as I am always trying to expand my vocabulary. Don't you know today's word was: hellion -
Definition: (noun) A mischievous, troublesome, or unruly person.
My Mom, may she rest in peace, often called me a hellion. :-) It strikes me funny now. I hope I didn't cause her too much trouble.
@michaelbkearney, I can't even imagine growing up in such a large family. Although I grew up around a large number of cousins who were in and out at all times, I was actually an only child... positive in the sense that I probably got more attention, not so positive in the sense that I was 100% recipient of my mother's "child improvement projects."
Overall, time has helped see more clearly how pretty much all our relationships turn out to be a mixture of "good" and "bad;" I am far more able to look through the lens of passing time and appreciate the positives my mother left in my life... which pop up almost every time I try to cook something new or even slightly "fancy."
I hear ya. It's different looking back at it it later in life. There were times I felt my folks were in over their head, but they pressed on. They never quit, never gave up, and stayed focused on their goal.
It's remarkable when I compare it to a lot of modern day families. My father said he wouldn't even attempt it today. "I couldn't afford it!" He's still going at 94.
One of my brothers said if he talked to our parents like a lot of kids talk to theirs today, he wouldn't be here to say that. Our parents stayed in control by behaving like drill sergeants. I think they did well in the long run. The discipline and being strict was good. I was just one of those who liked coloring outside the lines. :-)
Thanks for sharing your memories of your mother. This was really touching, it makes me appreciate the fact my mother is still here for now.
Glad you enjoyed it. Seems to me pretty much all relationships have "good bits" and "not so good bits." From my retrospective vantage point, I have grown more able to appreciate the positive influences my mother left on my life.
Thanks for sharing @denmarkguy . I hope you ever happy days ahead
Thank you!