Armpit Hairs and Growing Up: The Speech I Gave at My High School's Graduation

Armpit Hairs and Growing Up

My best friend Jacob and I right before graduation.

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to grow up.

When I was younger, I used to go to the pool. I saw some older boys in the locker room once, and I was really impressed that they had hair under their arms. I guess at the time, I thought that armpit hair was the epitome of adulthood. I went up to them, and I asked them how old they were. They said 13, so from that point onwards, I used 13 as a meter to measure my proximity to the apex --- proximity to having it all figured out and knowing what I was doing. When I turned 9, I realized I was only 4 years away from being a man, from being all grown up, and from being an adult. I was ecstatic.

But when I turned 13, I still had no hair under my arms. I swallowed my disappointment, and eventually came to the realization that I had just picked the wrong milestone --- I had to find a new one. And the milestone I picked for myself at 13 was getting my license. I remember seeing all of the older kids driving around and driving their friends, staying out late. I yearned for that extra freedom and independence. And with it, I thought would come ultimate maturity into adulthood and manhood. I remember thinking, there are only 5 years left until I get my license and until I grow up completely, become a man, become an adult. I couldn’t wait.

Then I got my license -- just one week after my 16th birthday, and it was awesome. But I still didn’t feel any different. I still didn’t know what I was doing, I still didn’t have it all figured out. I realized that I still wasn’t an adult. So, naturally, I picked a new milestone: high school graduation. I thought that once I graduated high school and was about to go to college, I’d be a man, I’d be all grown up, I’d be an adult.
Now, as I am about to graduate, I can proudly say that I have hair under my arms and that I have my license, but I should also tell you that these limits that I drew for myself are meaningless in terms of measuring how “adult” I am. Because I figured something else out: I’m going to keep changing, and we’re all going to keep changing --- If I were the same person today that I was at 13 or 16, I’d be even more immature and even more awkward than I am now.

So, today, Los Gatos, I promise you that I am not going to make any more milestones for myself. Not graduating college, going to grad school, getting a job, or getting an apartment --- none of these will serve as milestones in my future.

When I was 13 and even 16, I thought that becoming an adult meant knowing exactly what I was doing, doing everything purposefully and generally being suave and savvy -- I also thought that being “grown up” meant that I wouldn’t change, that I’d be the same in character and personality from that point on. Today, I’m grown up enough to know that that’s not what it’s about --- I won’t ever really know what I’m doing all the time. And I’m glad that I’m not the same person I was 2 years ago and that I won’t be the same person I am today in 3 years.

We will never be finished products, like I so wanted at 13 and 16, because we will keep maturing and changing. But, this realization can be powerful -- it means that if we don’t like the way things are going in the future, we can change them. Personally, sometimes I feel like I’m on an entrenched path towards politics and economics. I have friends who are passionate about biology and medicine, business, journalism, physics, and computer science. Sometimes it seems like they have a path all picked out for themselves, too.

So, what happens if we get to college and we find out that our passions today are unfulfilling to us in the future? Even though some of us have pursued these interests for upwards of 5 years, we shouldn’t feel like we’ve wasted our time because we did what we liked when we liked it. If we don’t like these things when we get to college, we’ll be able to change majors. If we don’t like our jobs, we can change them. What I’m really trying to say is ---- don’t feel pressure to stick to the beaten path, even if it’s a path we’ve beaten for ourselves.

We can change. No matter what, we will be able to change.

We’re going to grow up. It’s not like we have a choice in that. Every choice and mistake we make, every day we live will mature us. I’m used to living my life for the destination, not the road to get there, but I’m going to try to live more for the road because I know now that in growing up, there really is no end point.
I challenge you, Class of 2014, to not get stuck in some past mindset and to stop waiting for some future point when you’re grown up to live your lives ------------------- I challenge you to live today.

So grow up, but don’t try to be a grown up -- because we’ll never stop growing.