I know it is easier said than done. The only thing I am thankful for these days is that I'm not in a relationship because that might even add to my daily stress. A difficult situation should not be something new to me anymore. I've already accepted the fact that a comfortable life seems elusive and that uncertainty has always been and will always be my friend. That's just the price of living the life according to your own terms instead of just following the pattern.
I wish I could just be beach bumming or chasing sunsets but the reality is that I am still trying to make sense of my life. Perhaps that's just my existential crisis. I want to make things work according to plan and never give in to boredom and purposelessness. Because I am a dreamer. I want to make the most out of my life.
I've lived a cold Darwinian life. It is really hard to care. It's what this kind of life is going to do to you. I don't want to force my friends or anyone to call me or talk to me because that would be too needy. Society judges those who feel weak. Why the fuck should I remind anyone of my existence? Knowing how much people don't care makes it too easy for me not to give a fuck about their lives. So spare me the trouble of caring. I now feel selfishly free. Sometimes it makes my life a whole lot easier this way.
To stay put problem or stress-free would be highly impossible especially with all the things that I am trying to do at the moment. I want my shelter problem out of the way, at least, and sometimes I wish I don't have to worry about this. I just want to live in a place with everything that I need quite accessible. I don't want to be at someone else's mercy as well. I want to be able to achieve my goal on my own and be of help to those who need me. Somehow I still want to help others because this is a proven way to be happier in life. And I envy those who do not have to worry about basic things but then I still feel grateful for the only things that I got - courage and strength. I know some people out there who already have everything yet they still find their lives meaningless and empty.
I look back and remember everything that I have accomplished and how I remained calm amidst chaos and extreme stress. I know everything will be alright again and I don't want to worry too much about the future. It comes soon enough, right? I don't want to let go and I want to let go at the same time. I don't have time to feel sad or mope around, but still, it's inevitable.
Here's a cool song if you feel the same.
I feel your pain(?), @diabolika. Fucken existential crises. Sometimes I just want to be sedated for a long time. And then I half got my wish at some point in the last half year when my psychiatrist prescribed me a sedating antidepressant. Being sedated actually sucks. I got off that one pretty quickly. Having ingested a few forms of (legal) strong opiates in my time, I can see why people who struggle get themselves a heroin habit. I thought about asking my psychiatrist if I could take Oxy's for depression for the rest of my life, but thought he might refer me to a rehab clinic or something.. Actually, that sounds like a bit of a holiday. I might give that a try.. :)
So, yeah, this was a depressing reply. Sorry bout that. Normal happy service will resume shortly.
On a positive, while I don't know you, I care about you via your writing. It strikes a chord with me. So I recommended you to a newbie today who writes in a similar style to you (stream of consciousness?). Women travelling the world solo or solo-ish: BIG fucken ups for that! You've got my respect for that alone.
And of course, this is the best comment I've read so far. And no, it's not depressing. I'm tired of all that feel-good positivity evangelists. When really, I just want someone to understand.
I think when my tour agent website is up you can book one of my holiday tours which probably sounds better than a holiday in some rehab clinic lol.
:D
Oh, I forgot to mention who the new girl was. It's @piakamala.
Life is not always like butterfly, sunshine and rainbows. We have to face challenges. We have to go through tough time. Nothing is permanent. If you are having a bad time, it will go away. Better things are coming soon.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You can learn from different experience in life. That will help you to build a bright future!
True words.
I like the shorter post for simple minded people like me
Yeah, you can't live your life by what people think or expect of you, everything you do at every moment is very important and all upto you. There are people who seem to have everything but are still as unhappy as anyone can be and there are those who seem to have nothing but are as happy as anyone can be. It depends on you not given in to the stormy waves of the society. Have a nice day.
If you raise that seat at least 1.5 inches and put the ball of your foot in the center of the pedal you will get along better with your bike.
It is easier without someone else to please, being born to lose is hard enough.
In a dysfunctional world being well adjusted isnt a good sign.
And pop more wheelies! :)
And this comment: "In a dysfunctional world being well adjusted isnt a good sign." FUCK YEAH! So true.
Cool song:)
Humm...that's ended a real personal determination. You just talked to my mind i truly agree with you. We do have thousands of projects and the amazing part is to focus on them. Some people actually come into our lives to spoil our dreams or reduce our progress.
Except doing my personal activities, i did decide to give a chance to other people so as they start earning through steemit. I believe this is what i can offer to the community per now and some tutorials on how to comment and post good contents. i wouldn't say i'm perfect but teaching my little knowledge.
Perfect. we all go through hard time and your attitude matters. Just be focused, i know your are strong and at least you are out of relationship.
Thanks for such a motivation writing
Cheers @diabolika
Thanks for the kind words!
I have found that trying to control things outside of our ability to control only leads to stress, confusion and disappointment and that determining what is truly important, then getting after it, is the best way to go. Just my personal thoughts.
Many people draw chaos to them rather than simplifying their lives through isolating the truly important things and seeking them out. Important to one person is unimportant to the other of course.
I live by the phrase, "design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default".
I can certainly identify with this. As attractive as stability is, I also find myself being driven toward a freer lifestyle and that doesn't mesh well with living a "normal" work-a-day existence. You seem to have it together though. From what I have seen here, your business shows promises and you definitely have talent as a writer so I think you will find a place where you will have both comfort and freedom.
Thanks for the encouraging words!
I love your process and I think it is amazing to see how you are setting the example for other people and putting so much out there for people to think about and study. I can imagine that you are inspiring people a lot more than you might sometimes be aware. And so your process from one place to another is a journey that is taking people with you.
Thanks for the kind words!
Thanks for the immense effort!! (And process)
Mostly true due to materialistic and diabolic world
Your circumstances made you a brave soul and the best thing to go through this passage is engage yourself and don't bother other. seek your happiness inside you and don't expect any thing for other. Have a nice time @diabolika
Thank you!
Ahhhh the good ol damn what the hell am I doing and what road should I go feel good about it in the end.
I honestly doubt if in the end I will be fully satisfied always
I know what you mean!
Hmmm... What you speak of here is what I would call 'staying centered.' This is actually a skill, and it is born of a deep belief in one's own ability to cope, adapt, influence, and manage their circumstances.
The polar opposite, panic, is equally rooted in the other extreme. A core belief that there is no escape, no ability to control events unfolding around them. Thrashing around, I would call it. lol
So, despite your stress and obsessing over your projects, what I take from your comments is that you really are comfortable with your ability to overcome almost any situation. That confidence, or at least that comfort in ambiguity, is what may be fueling your centeredness.
Whatever it may be, it is a good thing.
Thanks for the encouraging message!
Keep calm @diabolika
Everything will be fixed again. One day all happiness will come to you