Introducing - CAT BASTARD

Black Cat
Male
8 yrs old
17 lbs. (Yes, He's Whopper Sized!)

Real Name: "MUENSTER CHEESE" b/c he Loves Eating Cheese!

Aliases...
"CAT BASTARD"
"The Emperor"
"CAT GOD the DESTROYER"
"F'ing Cat!"
"Dammit Cat!"

Yes, this is my Big Boy, who is affectionately known around the neighborhood simply as "CAT BASTARD."

And for good reason.

After sleeping all day, collecting his Evil Energy, He'll gobble down a can of Tuna and head out his Cat Door for the Night. Naturally, he can't just walk through it, like a normal Feline, but instead has to SLAM THROUGH IT with Vigor & Gusto and will Howl out loud, once he's outside, announcing his Entrance into the World..."RAWWWW! RAWWWWW!" B/c that's How Cat Bastard does it... Ole!

(Yes, he actually does let out little Kitty Roars... And, it is Hysterical!)

So, he'll usually start his Night of Terror by visiting all of the freebie Kitty Food Bowls left out on the neighbors' porches and beat up any of the Newbie Strays, lingering about... Nothing like flexing a little Cat Bastard Muscle to remind the Neighborhood PussyCats just Who Rules the Block with an Iron Paw.

After sampling all of the Ghetto Bowls, and as night falls, The Emperor usually likes to spend a few quality hours, rubbing up and down the backyard gates, just out of reach any of the Neighbors' Dogs as they Bark, Howl, Whimper and Claw at the fence like they've completely Gone Mad.....

Ahhhhh, nothing like reminding Man's Best Friend just Who's Really in-Charge.

Anyway, after a few good hours of taunting, nothing says Torture like doing one long Cat Walk, down the top of the Neighborhood's main Cinder Block Wall Fence.

"Oh, the Joy of Sauntering down the between the Yards as every Pooch in a two block radius screeches and howls at the top of their lungs as Cat Bastard stops and stares each of them down. TIS GOOD TO BE THE KING!"

Then, around 3 am, after Cat God the Destroyer has grown tiresome of tormenting his victims, he'll return to his Castle. But not before, again, Plowing full steam through his Kitty Door & sounding off with his Kitty Roars, announcing his re-entry, back into his Keep.

"Raaaaaw!!! ... Raaaaw!!"

And, God Forbid his Food Bowl is not brimming with food... If it is not filled to his satisfaction, I can count on Cat Bastard jumping up, hooking his paw over my bedroom door handle, and riding it open & into my room... Where he'll Jump up on my bed, and give me a Blistering Tongue-Lashing, for My Insubordination.

"Have Mercy, Cat Bastard!"

(Yes, I've tried using one of those Motion-detector Air Cans that spray a puff of air at annoying Kitties... But Cat Bastard was impervious to it & simply batted it away from my door and smacked it down the hallway. Like I said, He's the Cat Emperor for a reason.

As annoying as Cat Bastard can be sometimes, He's become a bit of a Living Legend, whereas everyone in the Neighborhood knows who he is.... And, anymore, even the Dog People find him amusing and don't turn their hoses on him anymore... In fact, a lot of them, can't help but chuckle when they recount their many Cat Bastard stories to me.

Anyway, here's a few more pics of My Boy...

Overwatching His Kingdom