A nonames ramble Ramble On naquoya
My wedding day occurred just eight months after we lost my sister to a car accident...
...that to this day we've never really sorted out.
It was in the day time, summer and the weather was fair. She blew a stop sign on the way to a matinee with a girlfriend and was broad-sided by a van full of teenagers...on a country back road where the chances of something like that happening were very,very slim. Like winning the lottery slim. Even if it was at night and there was fog it would have been a stretch.
She died instantly, we were told, her head hit the windshield and that was that. Her friend was unconscious for a couple of days, but she recovered and lives a full life today- thankfully, I'm not sure we could have handled her being responsible for another's life..or death as it were.
Where was I? Ah, my wedding. Life is strange- is the title of a popular video game- (Have I played it? Nope, but I watched PewDiePie play it)
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-and also the title of my own life. Which is hardly unique I'm sure.
Because let's face it, Life IS strange. By every metric we have to judge such things.
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So my wedding-- aside from looking at the man I've LOVED since I laid eyes on him (and still DO, two decades since I was a starry eyed eighteen year old) and inwardly nodding at the rightness of the situation-- the rest of my mind was on the glaringly missing maid of honor... I did have one of course, my cousin Heather stepped in and did the station glorious justice.
Just not the one I would have had...if she'd lived.
I gave a speech, I really don't remember what I said, only that it was about her and I made everyone cry. But not quite as much as the daddy/daughter dance made people cry.
I'm sure that had a lot to do with the fact that it was on everyone's mind that I was now his only daughter.
A few years later my husband's closest friend, and a man who was like an adopted brother of mine-, well there's no pretty way to say it--he hung himself.
He had been labeled Manic Depressive, and for years he used one medication to stave off the worst of his crashes- Marijuana- and it worked pretty damn well-
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-Until he got a job working for an Architectural firm that did ritual drug testing and he had to make a choice. I guess we could say he made the wrong one, since he ended up having a 'breakdown' which led to a hospital which led to ANTI PSYCHOTICS?? with this on the warning label: Major Side Effect- Suicidal Tendencies.
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And this would be the obvious place where I would rant about the pure shit of a system that prescribes it's people dangerous- and obviously as Dana would attest to if he were still here- lethal drugs to 'help' them, while criminalizing something that grows naturally from the earth and does actually help....
But instead I will skip ahead
to now. Right now. Not a month ago when I lost my dad, even if that is the catalyst to all of this, but NOW.
Where all of the things I thought were so important suddenly seem so distant. And I do mean ALL, and those of you who know me, well you know I have a lot of passion for many different topics concerning the 'human condition'. Or...I did have a lot of passion for those things aka So many things wrong with this broken world something I've felt for some time...but suddenly I feel
Different.
I watched one of the main characters of my story leave this plane. I watched his book slam shut. And nothing could have woken me up to how limited this time we have here Really Is. There is a clock that is ticking down, and we don't even know if it will get knocked out of our hands (my sister) or some genius doctor will knock it out for us (Dana), but we definitely know that the body we ambulate will eventually wear down and stop working (dad). And knowing this, how can I spend one more second not Living; experiencing--LIVING THIS FUCKING EXPERIENCE TO ITS FULLEST?
How can I dishonor those that I've loved and lost in that way?
We don't know what happens after we die. I'm sorry to all of you out there who think you know but that's a fact.
I mean I believe wholeheartedly that we go on, but to say we KNOW what happens? That's not possible. We are finite, limited, temporal. Our brains aren't equipped for processing the truth of Beyond this life. We are on a physical plane constrained by time, we can't even conceptualize what it would truly mean not to be bound by those two things.
So, what is the point of this life?
Sorry, were you expecting me to answer that for you? I can't, not for you. But for me? All I can see is that I've been blessed by this incredible gift to string words in a certain way that inspire. That imagine. That CREATE. And can therefore conclude that the only way I can really fail in this life is if I don't use that gift to do just that.
Maybe there are other things that I will find important along the way again. But for now, this is all that I KNOW to be true-- that and a very old lesson from what seems like a past life
Eat, Drink, and Be Merry.
Which to me, at the moment means just LIVE.
In conclusion:
I recently commented to @ned on a berniesanders post and while I doubt he'll see it, and it's not very likely he'll see this either, I still want to reiterate a couple key points.
I post chapters from my books, and sometimes I write blogs or show off some pictures-- and I'm killing it! How fucking awesome is that? Doing what I love and the money comes? So thank you Ned, in my opinion this is the best thing to happen to earth since electricity.
To everyone who complains about the shortcomings of this platform--I'm sorry but did you conceptualize this incredible idea that has taken flight? Could you? You wouldn't have the luxury of the whining in the first place if not for what Ned and Dan created for you. Let that sink in. And once it does you have a choice- you can keep bitching, that's your right. Or you can take this gift and run with it, create and marvel at the love shown to your creation.
(I'm not referring to constructive criticism, or practical ways to make things better here, just those who want to yell about it not being perfect without real solutions)
For me...yeah, that is how I honor this life--
Thankful by my Awesome Bro:
Take this gift and fucking run with it. I did. I'm doing what I love and now I have all this money... and I don't even know what to do with it but I sure am happy I didn't spend it on beer and cigarettes because I came here to change my life, not ruin it twice. Holy fucking shit.
Thanks @dreemit and thanks to everyone else who actually gets it.
My friend, cheers to us and the incredible people I've met on this journey who, yes, GET it! Who came here with the right attitude, who post quality and have never sold out or compromised! I'm so happy for us, for the self made, hard won...- shit I'll say it- Dolphins- woot woot! Haha! And here's to our journey forward and upward!
And for all minnows and newbies who read this- it is possible, it's ALL possible.
I won't give up, no I won't give in till I reach the end and then I'll start again--
Oh this was a great post. Did I say was. This IS a great post. Tragedy and you have had your share is awful, I have experienced some bad ones too. There is room for a lot of cliches to be said there but I dont bother with that shite.
You have learned and you know as obvious from reading your post that life is to be lived. To live the fuck out of it as it were.
To honour those that have passed by celebrating what you have here and now to the fullest. to Eat, Drink, and be Merry!
I will celebrate it with you my favourite (probably only) weemer.
And the bit at the end about this awesome platform. I mean, I couldnt say it any better. What we have gotten the opportunity on is awesome. So all those whiners should just stop.
Loves ya chica!!
Only weemer in the wide, wide world? Aww. Warm and fuzzies abound!
Yes, live the fuck out of it, and Amen!
One day we will celebrate in live/living color, but for now I will cyber celebrate with you any chance I get :)
Hell yes, this place is just fantastic. I know exactly what I would or more accurately wouldn't make as a break out novelist anywhere else, and I've done very well here, not a thing I could whine about without being an arsehole.
Loves ya right back me boom!!
In the whole widest and widest world!!
Hehe, in glorious technicolour! One day it shall happen!
I cant even begin to describe what this place has done for me, And its really not just monetary. I used to write and then stopped because of a mllion reasons. I know my writing is a tad different from the standard but hot dang I love it! And now I have a reason to do it! Woot woot!!
:O)
<3
It shall! And absolutely, it's done way more than monetary, I've met some of the greatest people in my life like you me boom!!
Jam with me:
HEhe, I havent heard that one before despite knowing the eels!
hahaha can count on the Meester Of Boom to put it in some quality BoomLingo!
I just couldn't stop!!! Hehe ;0)
I started writing your letter today. I'm not sure what will be in it or when it'll be sent....but it's started. With me, that's the biggest hurdle. :)
Loved your post! Love you! Love the world! :)
Oh man, getting something from you in the mail is super exciting!! It's okay if you take your time (hurry up! lol!)
Thank you, I LOVE you too Tony, so much, and your brother, and yes, the world, haha!! xxxooo
Thank you for letting me know about your post. I am so glad you did. I appreciated reading through your thoughts expressed here in words. I was wondering if you were reading my mind - we seem to have such similar view points on what you discussed here.
I often find myself reaching a point where I just face the truth (my version of it anyway) of life, and the question - does it have a purpose? And then I ask myself why does it need a purpose? Why can't i just live it, to the very best of my abilities, through all the ups and downs, and leave purpose and meaning completely out of it?
Does some meaning make it more liveable? Or is that just living in some sort of fear? Like you, I don't proclaim to have any answers to these questions - but that's the point isn't it? Move past needing answers and step into the fullness of not having a clue what is going on. And being okay with that.
That's my rant and ramble to add to your wonderful ramble. :)
Move past needing answers and step into the fullness of not having a clue what is going on. And being okay with that.
LOVE...and LOL! You summed up entire paragraphs I've written trying to figure that out!! Hahaaa. So glad I shamelessly lured you over here!
I'm easily lured. But this time I am glad of that :)
And you've actually inspired my next Ramble On story. We gotta have these chats more often.
Hey @dreemit, just wanted to quickly let you know that I have included you in a post here: Paying it Forward - Sharing Some Steemians That Have Been an Inspiration
Oh sweet! Thanks for telling me, I'll check it out in a bit :)
Thanks, and forgive me for spamming a link on your page - but you did start it :)
I appreciate you taking the time to follow up on the post.
I don't consider anything a friend drops on my page spam, but you're right I started it anyway haha!
I'm sorry I don't have the time to respond properly right now, I hate being in a hurry with this so as soon as I can settle in you'll be hearing from me :)
Don't worry about responding until it suits your schedule. I'm leaving comments as I finish each section, but don't feel obligated to respond to each of them - I'm making sure to leave a I was here sign, if you like :)
Ha ha, I’m loving rambles! #BeReal it’s what I’m talking about. Genuine quality content, reality, life and the raw pursuit of happiness. Being ourselves without worrying about the upvotes. That’s where it’s at. Excellent Steemians 🤙 Namaste 🙏
I'm so happy and grateful not just for this platform, but for the amazing people I've connected with here. You, all those you've mentioned and more. All the people with hearts as big as the moon. Yes, let's keep fucking killing it! On here and in our lives generally. Let's not waste a day of it.
Ed, where the hell are you? We need you here. Your music speaks volumes about your heart. (BTW, my sister is here now. I've resteemed her first two posts.)
xxx
Deb! We need to have a chat session soon and thoroughly catch up. Hell yes, we are going to keep on killing it! And like with meesterboom, there will be a time it's face to face, this place is not just going to cyber take me all over the world, it's going to take me there physically, go steem!!
He...needs a little more time.. but soon I think, I will start mentioning this again.
Oh cool!! Heading over to support!!!
Yes catching up sounds wonderful. And visiting face to face sounds even better. Something to look forward to.
Absolutely, that's all I'm doing, filling life with things to look forward to and enjoying now as well! I keep seeing myself in your gorgeous country, (I even did a virtual vacation tour of New Zealand hee)
P.S. I could not resist responding to her comment to Ian on the intro post, LOLLLL, which is what I went to so far :)
Yes, expecting Ian to behave is very hopeful. Though he's been good so far...
lol, that just gave me some insight into how bad his behavior can really be! Kidding. Mostly. (Will never, ever forget him trolling you with buttcracks through nonames post hahaaa.)
Yes, that was pretty funny. That doesn't come into the category of behaving! I only meant he's behaved on Andrea's posts.
Ooohhh, haha. That's nice of him.
He's under no obligation to behave on mine, I quite enjoy it when he's unapologetically um..un pc? That's what I'll call it, i.e. his melty vegan face art LOL
First of all, I am sorry to hear about your losses, both recent and long gone.
Second of all, I am happy to hear how those losses have inspired you to live life to the fullest and to encourage others along the way.
It really does force you to wake up, doesn't it? To reflect, and to swim up through the sadness to find the hope above the surface. One second at a time, one day at a time, living and experiencing the limited time we have.
Thanks for writing from the heart. There's a big world of broken people out there, and this is the kind of writing that helps them put the pieces back in place. Keep living to the fullest. Peace.
P.S. Your bro has an awesome voice.
Hey there my new favorite photographer/blogger ;) I sent @meesterboom your way, if you're unfamiliar with him, check him out- he rocks!
Thanks for adding value to my post with your cool vibe;) Lately I've been just posting chapters of my book, but I'll be back to consistent blogs and such soon.
P.S. I know! Haha, I've been trying to get him on here, he just recorded his second album. Hopefully he'll be here soon, he's awesome all the way around- he'd love your style too (another crazy bastard hah)
Thank you for pointing @meesterboom in my direction! I will definitely check him out.
I've had my fair share of whines about this platform, so I won't get into it that much. But, overall, the benefit of meeting my boomitau fam outweigh the negatives. I don't make as much as I hope, but at least I make something. Can't complain about that, even if it's just a few dollars.
With regard to life, I totally agree. Losing people you care about really provides some much needed perspective. Now, I don't even want to begin to assume the reasons why people complain about their lives, but your life is yours and you should live the way you want. There's nobody else to blame but yourself. We have to live our lives to the fullest, otherwise why live at all? There are many unfortunate souls who are gone too soon and who would be lucky if they had an additional day on this physical existence. I wanted to say more, but I'm on my way out and I just wanted to share my thoughts.
Oh no sweetheart, you didn't even come to mind when I wrote that. I wasn't referring to general, normal, gripes about people and shitty behavior. I meant those who constantly write posts about all of the defects of steemit inc. and Ned etc.
I have to go out, but I didn't want to leave this hanging. You are by far one of my favorite people and reasons for being on this platform. boomitau is awesome!
A beautiful post, @dreemit. Just beautiful. I'm so sorry for all the loss you've suffered. I recently (about a year ago) had a loss in the family where the accident was deemed said family member's "fault." It doesn't help anything. Makes it worse in a way. I don't know. There's no "good way" to lose someone you love. Even if it's rational, predictable, consequential... it still feels so unfair.
You said:
Preach. However, we needn't centralise our thanks and reverance at those who conceived of and built the platform. Everyone else who joined and contributed their content and curation are the reason it is such a success today. The credit should be distributed and weighted according to contribution.... hmm... this idea seems familiar somehow :)
I look around and I see the negativity and the "unfairness" that people are fighting about and I understand why those people are bitter. But sometimes we focus so hard on the bad things, that we don't notice the miracles directly in front of us. Steem is a miracle. I'm a @NoNamesLeftToUse fan myself, and one of my all-time favourite quotes of his goes like this:
I understand constructive criticism as you mentioned-- and we all have our ideas about how Steem could be better. But how can people look at this amazing platform and do nothing but bitch about it?! How self-centred can one be?!
The majority of people I have found doing this are the people who came here for the wrong reason. The people who are trying to take from the platform rather than give. This does not work so well on a platform that is built on giving freely. They don't get it, and we don't need them to. We'll build the collaborative social economy of the future, and they'll be left behind.
I'm sorry to hear that, with Dana's death there was a lot of blame being thrown around between some members of his family and it was awful. Definitely did not help anything, just caused bad feelings during an already terrible time.
As for the gratitude, I have done a ton of posts expressing how grateful I am for the people I've met on this journey- I know that it's not just Ned and Dan who are responsible for this place being great, just as they're not solely responsible for its issues. I made a point about them because it still is true that without them we wouldn't be here. You see my husband has been 'the boss' of a few businesses, so I have some insight into the grumbling of those who think they could do things better meanwhile they never could have got it up and running, it's not in them to run a business etc.
I truly am all for constructive criticism that offers practical solutions though, I just get frustrated with all the negativity and complaining. If I were to sell my books on Amazon for instance- which I do plan to do, so will be able to confirm this- I wouldn't have a chance in hell of doing as well starting out as I have here. And I also wouldn't have opportunity to develop such personal relationships with my readers which is a very cool aspect of this place.
I know things aren't perfect, I have difficulty imagining they ever will be since so many have different ideas of what it would take to make that happen. I'm happy to be a part of whatever will make things better, but I just don't see much value in simply complaining . You get that I can see ;)
Yes, I know you're an @nonamesleftouse fan, have seen you there! He is an integral part of my own journey here, love his art and humor, his intelligence and wit- he's a friend at this point and I adore him. Many of the connections I've made that have become important to me started with him, whether we met in his comments or he referred me to them and vice versa. I call his comment section the rec center of steemit lol. Actually, I haven't been using it that way recently, I should be though, you should see some of his sections from last year they are a ZOO of people all commenting to each other haha!
hahaha I don't want to laugh because a lot of this post was quite tragic, which I do feel for. Though my favorite part was the end and since I just read that its the 'taste" I have left with in this post.
Yes life is for living and complaining doesn't achieve anything great. Getting shit done and doing our best does!
Nothing will ever be perfect, in truth the closest we get to perfection is being at peace with IMperfection!
Blessings~*~
Oh please do laugh! I know it was a bit dark to start, but I'm glad the light at the end came across! I think I needed to purge, haha, thanks for checking this out Quin and adding your awesome vibes to my post!
That was rather rambling XD took most of my brain to get through it, but totally worth it, would do it again.
I really want to say something intelligent and insightful but got nothing new to add to all the stuff that's already been said (generally much more eloquently than I could have managed anyway XD).
So I'll just leave hugs and warm fuzzies instead :)
This all is so sad to read but i am amazed to see how strong you are. Your words speak that aloud. I would say that our family members never leave us, they have been with us from many many births. Its just temporary. I know u said our brain can’t understand all this, it isn’t made to process such information but you will meet them again. I wish the best for you dear. Take care. Your strongness is an inspiration for others.
This is what I'm talking about, great post! Quality! (can I get an amen?)
You can man AMEN!Thank you :)
👊😊
I love that tag! #f-ingliveit - really helpful perspective you've shared here and I hope many more than me take it to heart
Thank you! And I love your poetry ;) I will comment at some point, sorry that I haven't, that's not really like me but things have been hectic!
so real ... and tragic ... and beautiful ... all at the same time. I am glad to be getting to know you! I think you are amazing!
Thank you darling! I feel the same way about you-- not incredibly surprised by that, being related to Paul whom I adore xo
Senora @dreemit , i nearly cried. I just restrained myself from doing so. Your story reminds me of one of the saddest days of my life. I lost my best friend of 6 years one week to our graduation from high school. I just cried all through that week. Even on the graduation day, as i stood alone on that podium along with other of my classmate. Yet i still felt empty and alone. I still miss Tosin till this day. I loved him.
Am sorry for your loss @dreemit ....i love you plenty!
Am outta here.
It is never easy to lose someone we're close to, even if it is inevitable in this limited life. I'm sorry for your own heartache. Love back at you ;)
Thank you,my dear friend. I am glad i never stayed down,i grew stronger. I trust you did. Am giving ya an hi-five
Wow you do awesome posts - I can't believe I missed this one.
So much wisdom as always. Many thanks
Thanks man ;)Love that picture- one of yours?
Sure is - that's our kitchen benchtop and some salad greens
Hey dreemit, thanks for sharing your personal life. Losses make us grown mature and appreciate what we have.
You know what? You just made me feel to go out and feel the sky and run around. Don't waste any moment. Live this beautiful life without regrets.
That's a fantastic image, of you running around to feel the sky! And I'm now considering the same :) I think you're exceptional @sandrina.life, you make me grin, thanks for giving your time to this comment xo
:( I can relate to your husband's best friend. My son, Zeppelin, is on anti-psychotics as well. It helps to calm him down and sleep at night. I've been reading a lot about the benefits of cannabis oil but unfortunately, it is illegal to use it in our country, and if we are caught in possession of it, we'd be sent to jail. I have a cousin who was sentenced for 25 years for it.
I'm sorry to hear that, I can only imagine how difficult it is to be in your position. You want to do what's best for your son and your family, but you can only work with what you have. My God, 25 years! They truly make it impossible to find natural, healthy remedies, forcing people to buy their synthetics that help with one thing only to cause another issue, all from greed. They don't care about our children let alone us, it's very sad.
It's become a lot more lenient in my country to go the way of cannabis, hopefully that trend will continue and spread throughout the world.
That is our hope as well. Thank you for the kind words. :)
this was the special edition :D
the bad times come and go by but you truly made the most of it make the life more cheerful and amazing : )
Eat, Drink, and Be Merry hahah i like this one
Nice post.I respect you very much because you contribute to steemit.I will do activities like you.I would like to extend the steemit.
Amazing video
God job
good job music
emezing
:)
let live this live to the fullest a nice perceptive you shared
Love to you my man ;)