A lot of us have a fixed idea of how our lives “should be.” Perhaps the relationship we hoped for has eluded us, our career is unfulfilling, orwe don’t feel connected to the world in a meaningful way. Maybe we feel like a shadow version of the person we know we really are. If any of this sounds familiar to you, now is a good time to contemplate on what it is that you really want, to reassess your goals, and to remind yourself that you are in the driver’s seat of your life. 
To get started, you’ll have to do some self-reflection. Ask yourself: “What does success look like to me?”“What brings me joy?” “What type of life do I want to lead?” And be honest with yourself—it is very easy to give conditioned responses based on what you think you “should” want. And again getting real with yourself like this can be a thrilling, liberating, and energizing experience. If you desire change and you’re committed to take action, you will be unstoppable. Here are two steps that can help you make the switch from living your life by default to living your life by design.
- Give yourself a break
Too often we give all of our attention to what we feel is lacking in our lives. When we do this, we fail to acknowledge what is right in our lives. As you check in with yourself, you might realize some pretty awesome things that arrived in your life that were unexpected too. No great romantic love in your life? Well, how about all of the love from your friends? Not sure about your career? Think about who you've met because of it.
- Give yourself a break
- 2 . Get busy
Life will never be 100 percent in your control. It can take us all by surprise. Someone once told me that when you consider all the factors (the traffic, the weather, the economy, who your parents are), you can actually control only 20 percent of your life. But you can give 100 percent to that 20 percent. Trusting life’s greater plan does not mean that we have permission to do nothing. We need to be active. We need to be accountable for the things that we have the power to direct.
You can control what you eat and drink. You can control whom you spend time with. You can control how much effort you put into your career. You can control whether or not you proactively date. You can decide which city to live in.
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