I think it is so hard, because we put expectations on ourselves for our family to work. We do this despite others not putting the same value in peace within the family. You must be amazingly patient, because I can't imagine not going off if a person asked me for one of my children (not that I haven't offered them from time to time... but that's just me). We have a chance to be primary parent... from birth to 18 if we're lucky and don't chase them away. After that, we can mentor and friend if we're offered. As grandparents, we are to see how our parenting plays out in the next generation through our children. If they want to go a different way, then that must be acceptable. We may not agree, but we must take a step back and say that the person we disagree with is the person we parented... thus we were ineffective in getting across our values which may well mean they're crap. These personal attacks on your are not warranted, and are a symptom of their own dismal self view. If they had done things wonderfully... you would likely have emulated them. Now they see you have made conscious choices in another direction, and instead of introspection they've chosen denial and justification. This is the mark of a small, deluded person. This is the same type of defect all bullies reveal where they can't feel the joy of making others feel good, and they have little in their lives to make them valuable, so the result is elevating themselves in comparison by dragging someone else down. But this is degenerate and wrong... and doesn't work. Hold the course, keep your head high, and do your okayest every day. Let your detractors disappear in the rear view mirror. They are not worth your pain... and that's okayest.
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Oh gosh. This . . . admitting that our values may not have been the gold we imagined is a statement I needed to hear for many reasons. Thank you.