what goes around...

standing in, amongst a very congenial group of people talking at a wedding, you hear the name of an old flame come up in conversation. you feel that slight tingling, the frisson on your lip and an imperceptible (you hope) blush tinges your neck and cheeks. your compatriots glance at you, catching...something in your visage and, concerned, ask if everything is all right. you smile, nod and back away for the slightest moment.

so it goes, even old friends hailing from bygone eras of your life can make awkward returns and unexpected returns..even the merest mention of a past connection, can at times be uncomfortable. this is especially true when you have married late. people, especially those who married young, don’t often appreciate the ups and downs and nuances of singlehood. hopefully you had some kind of a life before taking the long walk, and, just as hopefully, you didn’t mope away the sitting slumped in your room. if you did get out there in any way, shape for form you probably dated, kissed, held hands with or had some physical contacts with folks...some of whom were not appropriate or good for you. but, some of those were the most fun...at least for awhile.

so, you cringe at those embarrassing connections that have arisen so easily in conversation,such as “oh, how do you know so-and-so? i thought they had been married for years?!” how do you tell that you dated them right before they took the plunge and it was a mistake for both of you?

OR,

WORSE, you see them across the room. you try to duck into a corner and engage in conversation with anyone or anything -- the wall? A three year old? A Dog?

one time i was all set to go to an Art Opening at a gallery close to my house. it was a week night, and sounded like such a lovely social event. i could get a little dressed up and drink some free wine, and, mingle a bit. it seemed like a delightful way to spend a thursday night! FORTUNATELY, i took a closer look at the flyer and noticed the name of the featured artist. DANGER!!! DANGER!!! DANGER!!! the lucky painter was someone who i had dated for 6 months before i was unceremoniously dumped. you know the drill, no calls, no texts, no insta, no nuthin’ and then i hotly pursued in order to find out what the heck was going on. what came after was the crashing boom which got lowered with the inevitable, “This just isn’t a good time for me right now. I have a bunch of things to work out.” that was bad enough to choke down, but it was followed by that classic and bitter journalistic chaser -- a wedding announcement in our local fish wrap.

i am very glad to have taken a gander at the Art Show invitation, because it would have been DREADFUL to stroll into the art show and see my former amor, surrounded by adoring artistes, turn and see me and offer me the slightest wave (or, worse yet, not to even have recognized me at all).

i still haven't figured out the etiquette here. does one acknowledge one's past, forcing others to embrace one's "warts and all" persona? or is better to quietly find another group and conversation in which to engage?