Thanks a lot for writing this. It increases empathy a lot to read how you are living the situation, and I think it is important. I have the same feeling reading about your experience as when I found the youtube channel "ask a porn star" (in which porn stars answer common question- it is probably not a representative overview of what the porn industry is, because the porn stars interviewed in this channel mostly like what they do). I don't really know why, but I feel that those human experiences that are usually "hidden" because of the shame factor need to be understood so that we get to a more respectful society.
Pablos will always exist, and they shouldn't be able to poison your life by paying you to do things you don't want to do/feel bad doing afterwards. I sincerely hope that steemit will bring you a way of living that you are completely ok with :).
I am a person whose life won't even be poisoned by anything, but I know not everyone has the same mind as me, and that's sad. I get it that this is the world and shitty things happen, and I made my choices for the reasons I did--now I am who I am because of it, a stronger and more versatile person, not the opposite. I think I choose to write about things like this because I value so highly openness and vulnerability, and in a society where things like mental illness and so-called "negative" emotions like pain and sadness are meant to be hidden away, I would love to be a part of what changes that. Hiding it is the poison. Thanks for reading and such a thoughtful response <3