The guy next door has gotten on my last nerve.

The last time we saw the guy, he came knocking on our door. After stammering for a moment, he announced that he was our neighbor next door, and then as an afterthought, he provided his name. I told him mine, and pointed over to Omar on the couch, and the neighbor's following question was, "Are you guys like... using... a microphone... or...?"

See, Omar is loud. He was actually using a microphone, as you all know, he is a popular YouTube cryptocurrency news host. So yes, he speaks into a USB microphone that records his voice directly into the computer. Unfortunately, simply answering, "yes", spurred this guy to believe that we are not recording, but amplifying our voices. I know this because the guy left us a letter outside our door.

You know, because he chose not to speak to us in person, despite living within a foot of each other.

His letter went a little something like this:

I [illegible] regret to write [illegible] you this letter. I would have come over to speak to you in person, but [insert illegible excuse for cowardice]. I have tried to speak to you before, and you didn't [illegible] why you would be using a microphone. I cannot understand why [illegible] amplify [illegible] voices at home. I work at a bar [illegible] run an alcohol shop [illegible] I am a musician as well. [Illegible string of sentences, and a threat to file noise complaints against us]. If there is anything I can do [illegible] to make your lives easier [illegible] I'll be more than happy to [illegible].

There were six pages of this.

So, naturally, I went and knocked on his door.

He wasn't home.

Or he saw me through the peep hole and was too cowardly to open the door.

I wrote back.

I explained that our microphone is a USB microphone whose only function and ability is to record sound. We cannot, do not, nor would we ever choose to amplify our voices within our own home. It just doesn't make sense. I completely agree: that would be a ridiculous thing to do. I wrote that we moved in to this old building knowing full well that noise pollution would be significant, and that this is why rent is so cheap here. I stated that I expect him to understand that as well, and I mentioned that Omar has been highly considerate when considering his noise level. After all, he doesn't bang on his piano after evening hours, as he would prefer to do. There is simply nothing to be done about the ability for sound to travel through the walls, as it is not practical (not to mention quite rude) to request that a neighbor refrain from speaking at all. I also let him know that I can clearly hear every conversation that he has, and even wrote down some examples of things I've heard him talk about, and yet I have never banged on his wall to quiet him down the way he has banged on mine. Lastly, I asked him to refrain from banging on the wall, as it does create shock and stress reactions in my pet bird.

If your apartment building looks similar to this...

This is not our building, but ours definitely looks similar to this.

... You should expect to hear everything that goes on next door.

Why would you expect high quality sound proofing? Honestly, if he thinks the sound of our normal volume level when speaking is being amplified before passing through the wall, then he must think those walls are filled up with some super-duper sound-proofing.

I say: let him call the cops.

Anyone with half a brain can see that we are a calm and quiet couple, living modestly, and having normal communication with each other. What he hears is not a muffled amplified sound, it's the full level of regular sound going straight through that paper-thin wall.

I wonder what his next move will be.