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I can relate to some of that. I think you might benefit from at least some of what Jordan Peterson talks about - he's quite an interesting character. Jordan B Peterson Clips

Just try to be patient with life. It sounds like you have some really great goals. I hope you can go live on your land that your grandmother gave you. I went to live on a bare piece of land when I was 25. No electricity no water. It was a lot of hard work but I built a beautiful peaceful home. You can too.