How going to psytrance rave parties helped me to improve my self-esteem (spontaneous writing)

in #life7 years ago

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Yawp, you got me! I am a full-blood raver girl!Whenever I get the chance to attend a psytrance rave, I do so. And I go crazy like a wildcat!

Wow, I never guessed I would ever write something like that! Wasn't I the anti-dancing goth teenager who considered clubs to be what Chrisitans describe as hell? And even hell would be better than that for a goth girl, because, well... I guess you know why hell dosen't really seem scarry to those who look like the dark lord himself, right?

Anyways! My old me wasn't only dark on the outside but also on the inside. I suffered from depression and I felt totally uncomfortable among „normal“ people. Going to a metal concert and headbang all night? Anytime! Going to a club dancing and having fun with all the smiling, happy, well dressed people? Uuuuuhm...nope!

One day, my husband and me decided to move from one end of the country to the other (you can read the story here) to make a new start. It didn't take too long and I felt home like never before. But my depression still accompanied me. I did a lot of personal growth by reading and searching for who I am. I tried out new things, listened to new music – and discovered goa and psytrance music! From the very first moment I was addicted to it. The bass beat made my head go up and down and my feet dance. I felt so much energy by the pumping and heartbeat-like sound. The complete opposite of the tiredness I felt everyday due to my depression. A lot of tracks were full of positive and spiritual messages which made me hungry for more. I started reading a lot of spiritual blogs and books.

This new kind of music fascinated me! I used to listen to industrial music, which also is a style of electronic music, when I was a teenager. So electronic music wasn't a completely new topic for me. However, it was something absolutely different and something that made me feel like every cell of my body was dancing! I loved it. And it made me happy. Happy! Oh my gosh, this feeling really exists!

I got deeper and deeper into goa and psytrance music, listened to a lot of DJ's and subgenres and one day I couldn't believe what I said to my husband: „I want to go to a rave party!“ What...the....actual....f...! But my husband was the coolest guy ever when he said: „Alright, I never expected you to say that, but: Let's do it!“

A few weeks later I prepared myself to go to my first psytrance rave and grabbed my favourite clothes. My style changed as drastically as a girl's mood on her period since I started listening to this music and discovered the alternative clothing style. I promptly felt in love with it. So I turned from a goth and rock'n roll girl into a hippie-wood-fairy. And I never felt more authentic! I always used to be a spiritual soul, daydreamer, nature lover and fantasy-mind! So the rebellious deamon princess turned into a colorful life-lover!

Back to the club night! I got dressed, more and more excited and maybe even a bit proud that I really was about to go to a club and have fun.

When we entered the door to wonderland later in the evening, I was overwhelmed be the atmosphere. Colorful, fluorescent neon decoration everyhere. Beautiful patterns, flowers, geometric forms and mandalas. Lights and lasers created a stunning scenery which enchanted me. The black light made people in white clothes shine like stars in the night sky and the bass ruled people's heartbeats! I thought it would take me hours to get into this scene, but it did't even take me seconds instead! The music was so loud, powerful and hypnotic that you couldn't stop yourself from dancing and the people weren't some strangers batteling who's looking the best but a lot of wonderful and open-minded people who were like a big family! I have seen metal heads, hippies, people in jeans and shirts, techno ravers, and guys in masks from almost any age. No matter which skin color, which home country, poor or rich, spiritual or atheist, everyone was welcome and everyone enjoyed the atmosphere together which they created with their wild and vivid dance. It didn't matter how peole danced, the only goal was to let go and feel free for one night. And it felt incredible!

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Some typical psytrance party decoration from a festival

I wasn't very used to talk to people as the conversation with the dudes on the metal concerts was more like: „That band is sick man, right?!“ or „WALL OF DEATH!!!“
So I feared to feel a bit overwhelmed at the beginning, but I never got easier into conversations like at this party. People were very open for talks in any topic you wanted. You could talk to them about music, food, philosophy, spirituality or just every day life. Of course, it was also possible to experience that on a heavy metal concert, but I never felt more accepted, integrated and welcome than among my fellow psytrance lovers! I had some amazing and deep conversations with strangers, danced wild and free among hundreds of people and I was happy like I wasn't in a long time!
I felt like Alice never ever wanting to leave wonderland again and decided to go to the next psytrance rave soon.

The hypnotic music which connected all the people on the floor under this fluorescent and colorful sky freed my soul. I never danced in front of so many people before and I felt like a rocket aiming to universe. I didn't have one bad thought while I was dancing. A smile covered my face while I got lost in music and the amazing and energetic vibes of my fellow ravers. And I did not feel any fear for the first time in years. I felt infinitely free. This night was a real experience of personal growth for me. My self-esteem increased, I was proud about the fact I had been brave enough to go to the party and dance and I got a lot of positive and wonderful feedback on my dance, philosophical debates and open-mind.

With every rave party I attended, I became more self-confident. People often bought me drinks for being the wildest raver on the floor and painted my face with neon colors. The vivid, colorful, creative fairytale soul inside me finally found the right place and people to discover herself and live authentically. I became a full-blood raver girl! With every night I danced to psytrance music among all the wonderful people around me, my depression got better and better. I became more and more vivid, happy and felt more and more self-love. I even went to a rave alone, which I never expected a year before!

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Since the day I started listening to goa and psytrance I listen to it for 4-12 hours a day. Maybe my neighbours already save some money for a hitman. I guess I should think about moving in a little cabin in the woods. Just kidding!
But I really want to thank all the people who created magical moments with me. I am really looking forward to the next gathering where we become one big family again, dancing together to find ourselves and the divine inside our hearts!

I am a raver girl and I guess you need to feel it to understand it. But if you once felt the atmosphere of a rave, you will probably know why it helped me to let go of the dark and invite the light into my heart.

Keep on dancing, keep on being wild and free :)

Lots of love,

yours Linda

You want to know more about me? Here you can find my introduceyourself post

Source of the pictures is Pixabay

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Hello Linda, glad to have bumped into you here!

I am another Linda and to be honest the similarities don't stop there :)

I am a true free spirit and have always loved electronic music, especially Trance and Ambient.

So happy the music helped heal you x

I used to live my life on the dance floor and loved a rave - been a while but still pump up the volume at home and flow.

I am an artist too. A writer and lightworker and, having had a spiritual epiphany a short while ago, explore what I call "Kitchen Sink Spirituality" through my work.

I invite you to pop by mine and would love your thoughts on my most recent post: https://steemit.com/life/@ldacey-laforge/impatience-is-a-form-of-self-sabotage

I have followed but not upvoted sadly as no power at the mo sorry.

Happy Christmas, I look forward to getting to know you throughout 2018.

xox

Wow, how cool is that? :) :) :)

Hello dear Linda! :D <3
It's so fantastic to meet a like-minded soul here with the same name! :D Amazing!!
I am very grateful you bumped into me! Nice to meet you my dear @ldacey-laforge! :)
I love Trance and Ambient! <3

Music truely healed me. Thank you so much for your kind words! <3

Oh yes, I also love turning up the volume at home and start my own little rave :D This night I actually visit a Psytrance rave in my city and I am so excited to get lost in the music again! :)
How great to hear you lived on the floor and visited a lot of great raves! :)

Wow, dear Linda, it's so wonderful to read how much we have in common! So beautiful to meet another lightworker, freespirit, raver, writer and artist! And I am so, so happy for you that you experienced a spiritual epiphany a short while ago! It's something words can not describe, right?
When I had an epiphany a few months ago I just couldn't hold myself from laughing, crying and making art afterwards :D

I'll definately check your blog and post out and follow you!

There's nothing to be sorry for my dear. The fact you follow me and this wonderful comment are so much more worth than money! <3

Thank you very much, I really appreciate your words and your support! :)

Nice to have you as a friend!! :)

I am excited to read about you and to meet another spiritual and creative soul! Feel hugged and have a wonderful Christmas, too! Aaaaaw thank you SO MUCH dear @ldacey-laforge! I am really looking forward to getting to know you, too!! <3

xoxo <3

Hey, great post @endorphoenix Have you ever been to Boom festival in Portugal?

Thank you very much dear @perceptualflaws! :)Unfortunately I haven't been to Boom yet, but I wish to do so as soon as possible :) It is one of my life goals actually, as it must be such a tribe-like and beautiful feeling to share this moment and experience with all the wonderful souls there <3
Have you been to Boom yet? :)
Hugs to you!

Hey @endorphoenix I have been twice and I may try to go next year, it's just the funds that are holding me back :( One of my mates is great friends with DJ Tristan so I may be able to get hold of a ticket, but if not I will be sure to get there in 2020. It's an amazing place and one that has to be seen to be fuly appreciated! The main dance tent is incredible at night and the whole festival really is something else. Now I really want to go! :D Happy New Year!

Wow, sounds so amazing!! Thanks a lot for your answer!! :) Actually the only thing that keeps me from instantly buying my Boom ticket is the funds, too :(
Wohooo one of your mates is great friends with DJ Tristan?? This is so cool! I hope this enables you to get a ticket! :)
I plan to visit VooV Experience this year in July and DJ Tristan will will be there, too! :)
I am sooooo excited to visit all the amazing Psytrance festivals, especially Boom and feel the atmosphere, admire the amazing decoration and dance tents and connect with the lovely people there!
Would be so awesome to meet you at Boom one day!!! :) :)
We could stomp, dance, laugh and create magic together :D
Aaaaaw now I really want to got, too :D
Thanks a lot my friend and a happy New Year to you, too <3

Man I think you would love it at Boom .. and yes that sounds cool, Dance until the sun somes up :D .. Happy New Year to you!!

I think so, too! Especially as you love it so much and I am sure you know what's good! :)
I am really looking forward to go to Boom for the first time!! :) And it would be a blast to meet you there!! :D
Thanks a lot my friend and a wonderful year to you, too :) <3

Wonderful piece you've got here. Particularly because of my own experience with psytrance scene resonates. It is warmer an welcoming beyond any other community I've ever interacted with. <3

Thanks a lot dear @partywalrus!! :)
I am happy you agree on it and made similar experiences! :) Psytrance community is such an enriching and supporting one! I totally agree on you! It's the warmest, most open and welcoming community ever! And it feels SO great! This night I am going to visit a Psytrance rave in my city and I can't wait to dance and get lost in music! :) Time to stomp again! :D
Have a great day and Christmas Party my friend! :)

The first time I heard psy was in London 2004, since then psy is the only music I listen to. I have attended many festivals since then and love how you can go dancing and zone out to release some energy. I have some festival videos loaded. Go check them out

Hey dear @klyngiant! :)
Thank you so much for reading and your amazing feedback! I am really happy to read you are a Psytrance lover, too! :)
So wonderful this music got you in 2004! :)
I also love the vibes, the people, the fact that you can dance as you want and be who you want to be! :)
It is such a deep and fantastic experience! I have been to VooV festival the last weekend and it was awesome!
I am excited to check your blog! :)
Nice to meet a fellow Psytrance lover! :)

Namaste! <3