I have lots of stress in my life. I live in a hot place, and I hate the heat, it's a desert, so there's little plant life of any sort, mostly dead bunches of grass and scrubby bushes that people pretend are trees, and a corresponding dearth of animal life as well. A bit north, you get lots of pine trees, but nothing much with leaves, and other than the pine trees, still not much in the way of plants. I just find it very bleak and unappealing, and very unpleasant to go outside most of the year.
I would like to live somewhere where there are plants. Tall trees, with leaves. Seasons. Snow, even. And I work towards that. I go to the job that's grown more and more stressful and ridiculous, and take home a check every two weeks that's enough to pay the bills with a little bit left over to put aside into my 'Get out of here' fund.
But every time I start to get money saved up, my car takes a dump, and I have to start all over again.
There's not much else that keeps me going, beyond hoping I can go find something that makes me happy somewhere else. It's rough, sometimes. But you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, because otherwise, you're just standing in place, and what's the point of that?
Oh wow, did I feel that post. Right in my gut, I feel your pain. Literally.
It is rough sometimes, I know that so well myself. Bleakness is an awful, awful feeling. It's devoid of so much. You, however, are clearly not devoid of anything. It took a great deal of courage to write this post and be completely honest about how you feel. I'm very proud of you right now! I know that sounds kinda maternal and I'm not a big fan of the word "proud" (we need a better word) but I can't think of a better word atm to express to you my deepest gratitude for your honesty and commitment. You are a beautiful soul. I'm honoured to know you. /bow
May you be blessed with a more fulfilling reality as you embrace the beauty that is already within. For the benefit of all. :)
Thank you, I try to be honest and open with myself and others, and it's rarely appreciated.