To The Boy She Loved Before

She was that girl who believed in fairy tale and happy ending. Her endless imagination always yearn for lavish kind of Love. Love that stays. Not the one that change with time. Sadly, those dreams seemed so far away since she met THAT boy.

She was pretty sure that she did not fell for his looks. It was the gentle gesture when she looked into his loving brown eyes towards his MOM. He took a good care of his mom and it felt so real and sincere. She thought that display of gentle affection will portray his love for his dear GIRL. The weirdest thing that attracted him to her was his favourite song ‘Never be replaced’ by First Lady. It sounds stupid but that was true. she considered that as their first love soundtrack.

She never thought that it was part of human camouflage. She assumed that any boy who is capable of loving his mom that way would protect his girl till the end. He betrayed her by replacing me with someone who he thinks prettier in many ways. She thought that if something went broken, they should fixed it. Not throw it away. She was devastated because he did not think that way. Some of the list of his dissatisfaction were listed as below:

The fat girl who dressed shabbily? (Fat means anything surpass 47kg). She is not a supermodel material since she is quite a shorty.
The girl who don’t have driving licence and don’t bother to remember all the main road in the city of Kuala Lumpur.
The girl who read books like a lustful obsession.
The girl who loves Astrology.
The girl who thinks music is her best friend. If he knew, he can read her mind just by looking at the lyrics of her favourite songs. That might help.
The klutzy girl who always nervous in front of his mom because she is not used to any serious relationship with anyone until she met him.
She writes poetry and listen to classical music.
She loves flower for anniversary but she never get it from that boy since he said it costs a lot and it will die anyway.
She is naturally bubbly and silence will show that she is having difficulty of expressing her views because she cares not to break his heart.
She loves another level of success by having MBA or PHD maybe.
The girl who stays home while allowing him to have new-year party with his friends.
The girl who trust him enough not to check his precious Iphone contacts and correspondences.
The girl who sometimes chat about ancient culture or even politics.
The girl who did not mind becoming the 3rd love of his life. (1. Mom 2. Sport Car/Video Games 3. Her).
The girl who will fall with all the cheesiest pick-up lines.
She may look matured but she is always child at heart and she blends well with kids.
She is typical girl who is having problem to be on time for dates. She needs more time because she is always nervous for those dates.
She loves travelling and hope to see more wonders of the world.
The girl who cried for every harsh words came from his very own mouth and she has to swallow that just because he thought it is normal for him to do so.
The girl who diligently learn how to cook ‘Nasi Lemak’ and super spicy ‘Sambal’ just because it was his favourite dishes.
The girl who bought every single thing that she likes and work her ass out to pay for her own bills.
The girl who took pride of her work.
She seeks to be understood and someone who really listen to her feelings.
The girl who spent years of planning her future with him.
The girl who chased away all the hot guys rooting for her.
The girl who can’t remember his work schedule in sequence?
The girl who put her own dreams on hold just to be by his side.

That boy forgot that the girl’s love tank also have an expiry date. Sometimes her love tank also need to be filled up. One day, she asked that boy whether she is still the most beautiful girl in his eyes? His answer was, “I have to be honest with you. I don’t want to guarantee anything that I can’t promise” The last word that came from him was “To me, you are like a good robot”.

She understands completely and every pieces of the puzzle came to places. She can’t believe that she was fooled for years. She looked at the mirror in horror and asked herself “What have she done to her own life? How could she let this boy to fool her around for so long?” She is currently standing in comparison with other girls. No matter how, she knows she can’t keep a heart that choose to be freed for somebody else.

Once upon a day, she wrote a letter to that boy and packed her luggage for good.

Dear boy who broke my heart,
I wish you knew that I loved you for ‘YOU’…
I would not change you for anything, otherwise that is not YOU…
I know you have endless flaws but so do I…
Most of the time, your nagging sounds like a broken tape…
I know your harsh words meant for my good but I wish you could treat me with a pinch of gentleness
A cup of respect and guard your heart fiercely for me…
I came to understand that you loved me with some conditions
It seems that I did not fulfil some of those
Your selfish heart has finally came to surface
Sadly,
You were my biggest mistake in my entire life
And I thank you for the lesson that I would never forget.

She was broken-hearted for quite some times. The girl tried her best to believe that LOVE is worth fighting for. She kept her heart buried down and trying to find all the possible reasons to build a wall to protect her heart from being hurt. However, love is never an easy matter and she needs to be brave to be able to hold the hand of another boy who might be the right one for her. Honestly, she is afraid of taking chances but she believes that she will find ‘the one’ soon. Slowly, she grabbed her pen and gather all her courage to write another letter to her future half:

Dear my future half,

I would love to fall in love with you over and over again
I know that nothing is guaranteed in this life
But I hope that both of us will work hard to make things work
We can fight all the way we want but promise to me that we will make up before the night came
Because I don’t want to miss any day to melt in your warmth embrace
I promise that I will never let go of your hand
I hope you will do the same, and with that
I promise to love you all my life…

She imagined growing old with someone who never stop holding her hands, never stop dancing in the rain and never stop saying ‘I Love You’.

And the quest of finding her true love begins, with or without the Ever After.