Ok, so, picture this. I've just started dating my wife-to-be so we're going back a good few years. We're also at the initial stages of courtship and I'm acting like a wuss. Sounding familiar, fellas? You know, trying my level best to impress her and always available at her beck and call. Well, fast forward about a year down the line and I'm still in full-on "dog" mode. This one particular evening, she's all like, "I'm gonna take you to the movies tonight and we're gonna have fun" and there I am, tail wagging and jumping up and down with excitement, fur flying and all. Well, maybe not that bad but you get the point.
On our way to this "secret screening" and I'm wondering what the movie could be. An action movie? Horror film? Thriller, per chance? I mean, she knows I like to watch that sort of thing at home so it can't veered too far off the mark, right? Little did my pee-brain know. We arrive at the theatre, get out the car and walk straight to the ticket booth. This is her. "Two tickets to Sex and the City please". Yeah, you heard me right. An abomination so vile that I hear it's been banned in several countries to this very day. I'm about to pass out when she actually turned to smile at me! Either with some sort of twisted sadistic lust or genuine appreciation of me about to go through a kind of torture no mere mortal male should ever endure. I managed to conjure a returned grimace, holding in my utter shock at what I was about to encounter. Luckily, my instinctual survival mechanism kicked in to catch me before the big fall. A small whisper of a voice in my head reassured me that it... May not be as bad as I think. Like a stray lamb in search of his pen, I listened to it and ventured forth into the auditorium. What I saw in there, I'll never be able to unsee again.
Row upon row of defenceless men, huddled next to their owners in an almost disturbing orgy of looming expectation. Or perhaps bear acceptance of surrender, I couldn't decipher which. I was led by my own keeper to our seats, passing by numerous victims who gave me the subtle nod of shamed acknowledgement. How we all managed to congregate here in this accursed screening at this exact time, was a collection of unspeakable journeys I'd rather not dwell on too much longer.
Anyways, the movie began and that inner voice seemed to have down a runner. The horrifying revelation was staring me in the face like an executioners blade. I was alone. Well, to sum up, the next couple hours were blur of what I can only describe somewhere between a piercing terror beyond anything the human mind can conjure and sheer madness on a level that only an long-term inmate of Arkham could relate to. Suffice to say, months of nightmares, self-reflection and loathing commenced shortly afterwards. As you can probably see, I'm sacrificing a lot in even getting this post typed up.
But... I'm still here today. Maybe a little less of a man, but here nonetheless. And safe in the knowledge that I'll never go see a movie based on a recommendation from the wife, unless we are agreed on what the damn title is first!
What a way to start my morning 😂😂😂 That is hilarious! It could have been worse though... she could have dragged you to more terrible movies like Good Luck Chuck... I can't think of a worse film than a rom com with Dane Cook...
Follow and an upvote from me!!
Lol, the memories are "etched" so retelling it was pretty easy! And yes, Good Luck Chuck will never be mentioned in this household. Thank you! :)
LOL man you know how to write funny stuff!
Lucky me I have never seen that movie hahahaha
Lol, thanks, buddy. And please avoid that damn scourge of a film at all costs. :)
Haha, too funny 😂
Horrifying, I know... But the absolute truth. :)
Great post and beautifull art
Thanks! It took me ages to paint.
Upvoted.
Surprised you stayed with her after that 😂
Me too, lol! What was I thinking? :)