I am writing even though I’ve been told that I shouldn’t. I’m not sure what I should be writing, but I thought if I went back to beginning it could help me find myself. I’ve written this a thousand times but I could never find the right words.
My hope is by remembering the past; I can help myself in the present. I don't care about the vote. I just wanna write something that keeps buzzing my head.
November 17, 2017, is the most valuable moment for me. Moments where the doctor confirmed that I was pregnant. It's almost 3 years. That 3 years may be a small figure for some people, but for us, it was like three decades. When hearing the news, time seems to have stopped. We do not believe that will appear a precious gift in our lives. It's a boy.
Day by day, more and more passing. On February 6, 2018, we had lost the light that illuminates our lives. This 5 months of joy is difficult for me to forget. I still feel how he moves on and kicked in the stomach. His heartbeat when we did a scan at the clinic is still ringing in the ears.
No matter how hard I try, it always comes back to the now. My present reality’s not a pretty sight. It’s a thing of agony and delirium. I don't feel like eating. I can't live my life..but somehow, I’m finding the more I put down on paper, the closer I feel to him. There is so much I wanted to tell him. So many adventures I thought we could share. I’m not saying it got any easier over the years, but it never more frightening than the 1st time he disappeared.
I just don’t know about my pain any longer..stuff that I thought I had worked out...comes right back and the wound gets opened up again. What’s the sense of my body healin’ itself over and over again if the hurt I got inside just festers?!!. I write these and I remember what we once had, but it still won’t change the fact that I'd still losing him.
Congratulations @fieza-hussin! You have completed some achievement on Steemit and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
Click on any badge to view your own Board of Honor on SteemitBoard.
For more information about SteemitBoard, click here
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOP