I have been stuck for years repeating the same fights with my partner over and over again. And no matter what I tried, it never changed. The only consequence was our relationship getting worse and worse.
Trying to change other people is always a recipe for disaster. It confuses the origin of the problem, looking for change in everyone but oneself. But in most cases we are in charge. We can accept other persons the way they are or you move on without them. There is no need to look for blame in others, when we already have to power to change things.
That does not mean one should not be trying to find a common ground for problems. And of course it is fine to tell a partner what pisses you off. But other people do not owe me anything. They either change it or don't.
Nowadays when someone starts to annoy me, I either walk away if i don't care, or I try to accept it because I have made the choice to stick with that person regardless. I am responsible for my happiness, but I am also in charge. On the other hand, fighting back is just responding passively and shows that one is not really in charge.
Living this way is not always easy. But from my experience it is worth it. Sometimes it feels like I am too simply giving in and not standing up for what I deserve. But this is based on faulty logic. Endless fights over the same topic for years are what is stupid. Even if I win in words every time, the problem does not go away. Because these words mean nothing. In the end they are just an expression of hostility. Wasted time and effort. Wining is ending the fights and accepting. Winning is realising that it was my own choice and my reality is the consequence of my choices. If I am really annoyed by it, then I should start choosing differently. But in many cases I did make the choice to accept it. It is just so much easier to blame unhappiness on others and become angry. But as so often that does not help anyone, it is just a mental cage trapping us. Change always starts and ends at oneself. Being calm and thoughtful is true strength.
You only live once. Don't spend it trying to repair crumbling relationships with little upside.
There are millions of other people who can better connect with you. The hard part is always finding them.
life is too short to waste it trying to change others✌
Wow.
I agree completely.
My hardest problem is that people dont understand me on that topic.
And what pisses me off really hard is if they act as if they won.
But they might lost my friendship.
Posted using Partiko Android
Perfect perspective dude..
changes are always towards sophistication. and we'd better accept 'em. kind of a personality plasticity as I name it. or changability in your tolerence or attitude or even some social criterias...
will follow you @frdem3dot0
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Accept or Leave or Stay on the Fence
My partner and I use to be on the same side on most things until I wanted to understand why a beloved relative who I thought had gone off the deep end believed so opposite of most everyone in the family and extended family. After 4,000 hours of holding my nose and researching what I KNEW not to be true I began to understand just a little. After 8,000 hours I stopped counting because I had arrived at the other side. Yes, it is true I can see and feel with passion the other side. Can I go back? Would it take another 4,000 hours of undoing? I've decided to be a fence sitter. As soon as I think I know what is the truth of one side and start taking a stance I research the other an and get back on the fence. I've decided we can't know the truth but only where we would place our bet if asked. I left the world of news and opinion becoming involved with Steemit 2 weeks ago and am much happier reading and looking at post that offer the beauty of nature and our world and getting paid for it. Thank you Steemit.
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