Chores And Keeping Score Is A Recipe For Resentment
Thursday is the day the truck comes around and picks up the trash and recycling. Well, two trucks as one does the trash and one picks up the recycling.
As I was going about the house picking up things to put in the bins before I took them out of the house I had a thought.
How easy it is to become resentful about the chores of living.
Now I love my wife, but sometimes she says things that could sour my mood if I let them. One word that she often says is 'Fair'. As in “It's not fair that I have to cook dinner tonight”.
Now I feel that we do indeed have a pretty fair system. One time after a spat, I thought to myself “How much DO I do around here?” I figured that I must do hundreds of things to keep the household moving, both big and small.
But as I thought I realized that it was actually quite easy for me to think of all the things I do. However, I could only think of a dozen or so things that she does.
I know that she does so much, but I could only bring a small percentage of them to mind.
So if I could think of hundreds of things I do, but only a dozen or so of hers, then she must think the same of me! No wonder she lashed out.
My study of Stoicism and a happy contentment has led me to not keep track (I'm not perfect either), but that isn't so for her. I don't keep score, but she was – and she was missing most of the points!
Keeping track of who does what and who is doing more is no way to nurture a loving relationship. Keeping track just leads to a warped view of what the other person is doing. While we might see the 'big' things, nobody can add up all the little things each of us do all day. I've always said that the little things add up.
I don't keep track. I need to find a way to convince her that she needn't do it too.
It doesn't bring joy to judge your partner every day.
Life is much more joyful if you do what you can, when you can, so that your family has one less thing to be concerned about. Not increase resentment by worrying whose turn it is to put the dishes away.
Now someone might be thinking that this will only lead to you being taken advantage of. I don't think that would be the case.
It's not important if you take the trash out a few more times than your partner does. What matters is having a loving relationship.
@getonthetrain I think it depends on people's culture. In africa, especially in east africa there are some work that a man should do or shouldn't do.
Let me not confuse you. A man can slash the compound as the woman is cooking too. The reverse scenario can not happen.
A husband makes sure that every things is provided such as food, school fees etc and the wife makes sure that the house is clean, food is ready, children are having all the necessities,the reverse can not happen.
However, due to modernization couples are now sharing various responsibilities though we have not yet reached to that level.
Moreover, couples may be in love but each one knows his tasks. If I see my father in the kitchen I can feel ashamed and can't allow him to continue even though he wishes so
Thank you for sharing your perspective from an African culture. I appreciate seeing things from different angles.
You are welcome. Thanks again
@getonthetrain I am so Glad that You and I are on STEEMIT and we both Love the Precious !!! I think you know what I mean. I have to go take out some Trash now.................Merry Christmas
I am feeling a small bull run in the precious metals field. What do you think?
This would be very welcome! I was thinking of melting my silver for cutlery!
I like a Nice Bounce UP in Silver after the New Year maybe a Dollar or Two, but nothing like Crypto...
excellent advice that will be useful to everyone who lives together with a loved one. I support you and think that you should try to live in harmony and listen to each other, sometimes there are conflicts, but this can not be avoided, since it is the sublimation of emotions that accumulate in the course of time. Thank you you described everything meaningfully, I'm interested
Grate story and grate advice! And It's realy the best thing when husband and wife understand each other! Merry Christmas !
Yes, you are not fighting each other because you are on the same team. All the points are shared.
I agree that making the trash a less important thing. If you do not focus on the "trash" of your life, it will free your mind to appreciate all the great things out there. Also, sometimes the trash doesn't have to be so bad depending on the perspective you have.
An insight to the life of a human who is for the most part driven by emotions, both harmful and harmless.
Choice of work is always left up to us at the end of the day.
Really so good topic thank you very much for sharing mate! I am waiting your more topics :)
very good post & good work friend @getonthetrain (
you are a very good person indeed @getonthetrain I wish there were people like you in our country
Goodmorning, what a great post..u earn my upvote...jst posted something as interesting as yours. Pls i need ur upvote @onyema1992
Thnks
Don't spam comments and don't promote your stuff like this.