Survive…is it really so?
I know that divorce is a horrible stress, so probably ”surviving” is the right word, divorcing with both sides happy is one of a million case! There are definitely, different situations, and I am not say, my way of “reloading” is the best and only one right thing to do! However, it helped me, hope it can be helpful to anyone else.
This is one of my sketches of the hardest period of after divorcing time (let me leave the divorce and before story to the next time) – Self-destroying - sorry for myself - most wine consuming – red eyed period!
It just have to be done! Yep! Just right!
I had a lot of wine those days! And if I say “a lot” I mean it! Some days I could not walk! Then I had horrible mornings, with aspirin and water…Please, make it clear, I am not promoting alcoholism, no! There have to be people around you, people, that will not drink with you, but sit with you while you drink, listen to your stupid talks, bringing you to bed. People that you will feel ashamed to look in the eye in the morning (so it can’t last long), but they understand you..In my case, it was my mother, sister and brother. No best friends, who would drown you into the misery even more, with suggestions like “oh, let’s hang out then”, are welcome this period…
Self-destroying, because it is unhealthy period, really.
So less is more! Sorry for myself..oh yeah! I cried, cried a lot, cried my eyes out, and filing sorry for myself, for my child..for my home left behind, car, cat…a lot of stuff to fell the sorry for! So let it be!!! Cry even about your favorite spoon, everything! It need to be cried out! Once and for all!
Then, when all the liquids going through your body, went out and you start to think and understand things once again, starts “Mighty me” period!
Oh, it is horrifying, but fun, amazingly joyful period!
What did I do?
I started to work for a big company, supervising the construction site with more than 200 people under control (I must admit, before that, I had to supervise maximum 12 people).
Crawling through scaffoldings on the high, that takes your breath away was one of the most challenging things to do! I was so afraid of all this new things I had to do, that I forgot all about self-abusing! I just did not had time for it!
Then I took a course of motorbike driving! I am short, small woman..and a motorbike! That is right! I was so afraid of it! But I did it! (However I was not driving ever sinceJ)
Then I made a tattoo! Finally! I dreamed of it since high school! But never did..And now I just choose the picture, draw some changes on it, found a master…and here it is! And I love it! It is my!
Everything that I did this period were challenging! Super new, scary, but just so much fun!
I started to respect myself once again! Then comes “New me” period. When I started to live by myself, just my child, taking responsibilities for my life and me, making own choices. (Sounds weird, but it is really hard after several years of marriage, actually live by yourself!!!)
Now I was free! Free to live, love, create…
It took me almost a year, but it was worth it every step of the way! I am not some kind of miracle!
I am not the only one, not the first and not the last one, but I am glad I made it! Hope my story will help someone..
With love and hope,
Margarita