If I could reach through my computer and give you a hug, I would. The end will be peaceful and she will be ready to go on her forward journey. This is the beauty of kidney failure. The first two years are the hardest and I'm afraid that you have to go through grief and you can't go round it. Don't even try. The fist month, you will cry until your heart breaks and it feels like your chest is being ripped open. The second month, you'll cry a bit most day but its more like weeping. The third month, you have good days and bad days, the four month brings more good days than bad days - and so it continues. I'm eight years in since my father passed and I still occasionally get melancholy if I hear a particular song but I also hear his words in my head every day. Its like he's right there in the room. When I'm calving roast beef, he right behind me saying "Good grief girl! Watch you fingers!" If I'm driving, I hear him saying, get your foot off the gas, God damnit! He's always there and your Mum will be too. It's just that you learn to have a different kind of relationship with them. Your Mum's legacy to you is the love that she gave, the words of wisdom that she spoke and the man that she made you. This never changes because it is timeless. God bless you, my friend and I wish you peace xxx
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Thank you for the kind reply, @guided.