Well my Love today you would have turned 62. You still look unbelievably fabulous. I post this to say, Thank you for your Love. You met me as a young boy and walked with me through the decades growing together. i am the man I am today because of the life we led together. The Sons whom you created and raised are now fine Men. They are your living legacy. The Sons took our dream of country living, embraced it and took it to a whole new level. Each day i see you in both of them. Those crazy boys now are living how we tried to live. There is no "Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda" in their shadow. They watch over me and treat me as i would have had them treat you, if i would have passed on 1st , as was expected.
I do not think i will ever be 100% over "survivors guilt" but each day i get a little bit better. i am seeing a New Jersey girl. how i found her in the forest is beyond my ken. Often i wonder if you sent her, just to play with my head! :) The Sons and i often speak of you moving things around in the unseen world to help us. Too many things came together for us to end up where we are, to many signs show your spirit around us, too many events happen that show your POV and sense of humor to doubt your closeness. Your Mom is fine, i think the best one could expect. She is now in her 90's so there is that. We don't speak much. i am the past. the sons speak with her often, they are the future, she tells me their calls are the highlight of her week. that i think is a good sign ( and report).
I hope you are flittering around the universe, seeing the sites you wanted to see, spending time with the people you loved that preceded you beyond the veil. I'm sure since all dogs go to heaven, you have hooked up with Scooby (the yellow dog). he never left my side in those terrible days after you moved on. At night he would bark and tell me when you were close.
i post this for you, but also for men (and perhaps maybe a woman or 2) to show them, that it is OK to keep living when the love of their life crosses the river Styx before you. However much time i have left, i will live in a way that hopefully will make you proud. When my time comes, i hope you will be there to greet me. if not, 
well, if this world has not learned to bend to my whim and will, why would the next?
So my love, happy birthday. be happy (as you always seemed to be) Suck as much joy from whatever plain of existence you occupy, just as you taught me to do on this one.
Until we see each other again, all my love, passion and joy.
Your strange one...:)
awesome