I was feeling down because of the financial burden that I now have to carry on my own, and a friend said to me.
You can give your best to treat your patients, why can't you do something for yourself? I can't understand you. You are supposed to put yourself on top of others."
Well, until now I am still unable to give a proper answer to that question. I have been thinking a lot. I have been thinking too much. I was cleaning our small room before, which is full of things that I don't even know the usage for. At that time, I was thinking.
These are not mine I can't throw these.
Now, I plan to clean it again and I found out that there is a lot of useless garbage inside that room. Things that are broken or perhaps a spare part of something else. I can just throw it without thinking too much but I usually do too much thinking before I throw everything out.
What if they come back for all of the things that I have thrown?
All of those things I mention have been years inside the room and some of them have become worse because of mouse bites or becoming the cockroach house. I can just ask permission from the owner and if they do not want it, I can simply throw it. Why have I made myself complicated? It is time to learn to be an easygoing person. It will make my life easier and lessen the stressful thoughts.
Some people just do the things they want to do but I used to do screening before I decide to do anything. My screening will always contain lots of "What if?"
Being alone as a mother, there are lots of things that I need to learn. Most single mothers or single fathers before me, can manage their life for the better.
Why can't I? This is the question I should have been asking myself long before today.
This is heartbeat1515 signing out for now. Until the next blog.
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