Well, my friend I know the feeling.
I wish you the best in whatever painful transformation you're going through.
I have not been able to eave the country and I regret I did not take my chances when leaving was easier. All you have described here went through my head, along with some sentimental crap that we always find in our way (sometimes we put it ourselves).
But even without having left I quit my job and have to find new ways to make a living, hard as it is here. I also have to find ways to cope with that loss, to get used to the idea of not being a teacher anymore; even to get used to the idea that I may have to prescind from my books if need be.
Changing is hard but once we take the first step it gets easier.
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I am a routine, predictable animal, but for some time now I have seen changes as opportunities to reinvent myself. Like you and most people, I regret not having done things at the time and what I can't do now: how to leave the country. In your case, I know that you are a valuable, talented and hardworking person, who will surely know how to succeed in whatever you set out to do. Who said fear? ;) Greetings, @hlezama.