Sorry to hear that you feel this bad. I struggled with depression from my early twenties up till now. For me it got easier as I learned to diagnosed it sooner than later and not let myself slip so deep before getting help. Do you know cognitive therapy?
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I have had congnitive counselling, I know when I am sinking so can usually keep myself from slipping to far :)
Good luck, thinking of you. :-)
Thank you :)