Moving On...
I don't recall spending much time on building friendships after leaving high-school. Obviously, there were people I met along the way and associated with. But the deliberate construction of a bond with another person just wasn't my thing. The few people I did associate with were mainly ones I knew from high school. At the time, I didn't have any self-awareness or people who I could rely on - so bad choices began.
After leaving school, I tried technical college for a while. It turned out to be just like school, academically and socially. Not being one to talk to my family about anything and not having any sort of social circle meant I was on my own. At eighteen that didn't bother me. I thought I knew what I needed to know and could cover the rest with bravado.
The first storm of my life was brewing. My parents still couldn't understand me and I was starting to associate with people who could not have cared less about me. At the time I thought this was fine, but reflecting on it some twenty years later it was anything but. My attitude towards life and lack of meaningful relationships was leaving a void. But I could not see that at the time.
To fill that void I turned to solitary activities which gave me a short-term hit of satisfaction - drinking and gambling. I could engage in both easily and there was no need for anyone else to be present in order for me to feel entertained and that I was part of the world. But the feeling soon became short lived and I needed to gamble and drink more often. At the same time, I was striving for more independence from my family. That independence came with responsibilities, none of which I was ready for.
Being an introvert, but having no idea that you are is a curious circumstance. Being a headstrong eighteen year old is difficult for everyone around you. Combine those two things along with financial responsibility and there is a recipe for disaster.
I'm not sure how long it actually was, probably not more than a few weeks after moving out - I was broke. I was earning a small amount and recieving income support while looking for a proper job. This should have easily supported a meger but acceptable existence. Nope, not me.
That's when I started borrowing money that I could never pay back. Things quickly got worse, a lot worse. I owed money to what felt like everyone. I didn't have a brass razoo to my name. And I didn't fell like I could talk to anyone, I didn't want to talk to anyone. But ultimatly, I didn't know how to talk to anyone about my life and what I was going through.
Being a misunderstood introvert had meant that no one had ever taught me that reaching out for help is ok. It looked like everything was sliding downhill quickly.
Hmm, I hope you're in a better place now. None of what you said here sounds great.
Also, I see you are Aussie and new to steemit. We have a pretty strong Team Australia community going here on steemit to support each other. If you'd like to be part of it, then please check out this link for the instructions on how to join https://steemit.com/teamaustralia/@choogirl/team-australia-new-recruits-02-05-18-and-who-are-the-aussie-witnesses
Hi, thanks for asking - yes, I'm in a much better place. Just a spot of self-reflection. I'm off to read those instructions.
Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by jason.che from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, someguy123, neoxian, followbtcnews, and netuoso. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows. Please find us at the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.
If you would like to delegate to the Minnow Support Project you can do so by clicking on the following links: 50SP, 100SP, 250SP, 500SP, 1000SP, 5000SP.
Be sure to leave at least 50SP undelegated on your account.
Congratulations @jason.che! You have completed some achievement on Steemit and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
Click on any badge to view your own Board of Honor on SteemitBoard.
To support your work, I also upvoted your post!
For more information about SteemitBoard, click here
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOP