“The single biggest thing I’ve done to improve my relationship with others, was to improve the relationship I have with myself. I became lovable when I was able to love myself. No one can love you, if you don’t love you. Accept, nurture and love yourself as you are. You’ll be amazed how much it will also change how others perceive you.” ― Akiroq Brost
Over the years, I have spent too much time and energy worrying what other people think and say about me - Dreading their judgements on my character, physical appearance, actions and more and it always left me feeling unworthy, with an inclination to constantly want to justify myself.
As I have grown in age and maturity, I have started to embrace “me”, as well as develop a healthy love for my character make-up, including all the little bits and pieces that compile me into the unique person I am. This goes right from what others say and think about me to how I talk to myself, what I think about myself and what I see.
I was extremely self-conscious of my legs when I was growing up. Why? I have absolutely no damn idea! Lol - because as grown woman I have been enlightened to the fact that (according to the opinions of others) I have a particularly good looking pair of pins. haha!
But this knowledge was not present in my mind when I was younger. I literally LIVED in pants. You NEVER saw me in a dress -
unless I was forced to wear one. Looking back, I think that is really sad! – That at such a young age I had developed such an unhealthy and extreme distaste for my own body. This perspective stuck with me, right through until my early twenties… only then did I start to explore other wardrobe items and “accept” that I actually might look good.
Oh how things have changed in the last decade - These days, during the summer months, you will seldom see me in anything but really teeny shorts. At long last, I have gotten to a point where I am HAPPY with myself physically. I no longer colour my strawberry blonde hair, I embrace it. I also love the freckles that got me so frequently teased as a kid. It is wonderfully liberating to have attained such a healthy point of self-acceptance. It sure took me long enough to get here – and I will NEVER allow ANYBODY or anything to take that away from me again!
The other side of things has been working to develop acceptance and self-love, internally. This part of the journey has been a little more difficult. Life’s knocks en route have caused a bit of a “dance” with two steps forward, one step back - but I am winning that battle too.
The crux of the matter is the point, where your internal - and external confidence and self-acceptance (or lack thereof) meet. As I said before, I have always fretted too much about the disapproval of others, irrespective of which part of me it was aimed at. Now why should I feel like I have to apologise to anybody for ANYTHING about myself or my actions – unless they are in some way harmful or hurtful…? I don't think I should and I won’t – anymore. I am not insisting that you like me, so if you don’t, then by all means, wave goodbye.
In addition to that - I am absolutely entitled to my opinions, without justification – just as everybody else is and I will continue to voice them. This is me - lump it or leave it :)
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
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Thank you, thank you, thank you ... ! I was just having the exact same thoughts few days ago.
Unfortunately and so frequently, we turn into people pleasers, while the truth of the matter is, we need to decide what is in our best interest, prioritizing others and their perceptions over who we really are is just terrible.
Being good, doing good, do not contradict with that. Society needs a lot of reshaping I think.
And if I haven't said it enough before, thank you :)
I'm going through this phase Now. I find myself looking up to people for approval of the things I say and do at times. So I tend to be "too nice" and I don't think it's yielded any good returns.
I guess I'll just start loving me.
Thank you @jaynie, @mcfarhat
well said @pangoli, thanks for sharing your story :)
So very true @mcfarhat - society is so VERY skewed in so many ways! Thank you for your lovely words.
@pangoli - Well, at least you can identify that habit - that is a good start at changing it.
If either of you are interested - it would be wonderful to engage with you on my recently established discord server "steemit bloggers" Here is an invite link if you would like to join us - and feel free to invite other QUALITY bloggers that you are connected to.
https://discord.gg/gRypnga
Hope to see you both there :)
That is a cool idea for a discord server. Sure I'll join in. Thanks !
Love is multiplied by sharing, being you, this is the main message of life. @jaynie
Cool I dig this.
Thank you :)
Amen! I loved reading this post because I could identify with it so much! It wasn't until very recently, actually, when someone I thought was my best friend, who I had given my all to at my own detriment, shattered my reality and said we weren't actually friends, that I finally understood these truths which you speak of in your post.
It was in the aftermath of that disastrous and toxic relationship that I finally, for the first time in my life, truly understood my own worth and value. It was only then, that I realized that I really have to love myself, I mean truly love myself, dark side and light alike, before other people could truly love me too.
My whole life I never really liked looking in a mirror because I hated the man I saw. I never saw myself as an attractive guy because no one seemed to really think so either. But after I began to truly love myself and accept my whole being, warts and all, suddenly people began to comment on how attractive I am, I started getting random messages online from people telling me I was "hot," etc. And it wasn't until after that, that I finally saw myself as an attractive guy, and now I truly love the man I see when I look in the mirror.
Thank you for sharing this post with us!
I am terribly sorry to hear about what you went through but what you have gained from that experience is invaluable and you will be forever stronger for it. People are more often that not, exceptionally fickle and untruthful about many things. There is only one real person you can truly love and trust completely in this world and that is yourself.
Onward and upward I say @rodeo670
Amen! I don't regret any of it happening though, because all of it was necessary for me to finally understand the true importance of self-love and never compromising that. Indeed, it has made me stronger for it. Again I really must say I do thoroughly enjoy your writings! So glad I found them :P
I agree with you wholeheartedly! You cannot live a life regretting your experiences - without them we would never grow! Thank you again for your kind words. I am really glad you enjoy what I put out on Steemit. My intention from the start was to inspire and motivate people through my own experiences.... so whether it is one or many... it means a lot :)
Isn't that what we all hope for as writers/bloggers? :) I know that's why I write Friendship In a New Age, for sure! It's still so mind-blowing to me how much people on here are genuinely supportive of what we put out. And how often they show that they really care about what we wrote, when they write these well thought out paragraphs on their comments and replies! It's just so beautiful :P
TRUE STORY!!!!
good poooost
Thanks hon :)
I love the quote at the start!
Me too :)
#inspirational
Thanks @samstickkz :)
Talk about self eSTEEM-IT!!! you go girl!
UpVoted!
Thank you @melip - I appreciate the upbeat response :)
Why don't you join the Steemit Bloggers on discord - https://discord.gg/gRypnga
Hope to see you there :)
nice
thank you
Thank you so much for including one of my quotes. <3