The Kennedale Adventures. 5 - The Creeps

Things were quite different now than they were when this had all started.

When Friday came around, I would drive home and spend a couple of hours lounging about. I'd usually watch whatever mindless melodrama was on the giant wooden box we still used as our TV. After mulling about for awhile, I'd eat a quick bite, take a shower, pick up Chelsea, and drive her to Bradley's without even saying a single word in the car. When we got there they would both hop in Bradley's little pickup and immediately go somewhere without me.

Sure it was nice to get the $30. However, I felt like there was a big disconnect between me and Bradley lately. Frankly, I didn't like it.

The main point of all of this was to hang out during the weekend. I didn't want to just come here and have the run of the place. I wanted us all to party together, and that just wasn't happening.

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I watched in disbelief as Bradley and Chelsea took off once again into the wild blue yonder, leaving me standing on the little white steps that led up to his front porch. He hadn't even greeted me this time, simply placing the money in my hand and taking off without a word.

Fortunately, the silver key was under the rug and the door opened without the slightest issue. I was surprised to hear music playing when I went inside. I was pretty sure that his mom wasn't home, if she was she would surely be surprised to see me.

Standing in the kitchen pouring a two liter of Dr. Pepper into a tall round glass was a short Hispanic man with curly black hair. As I looked his way, he casually tossed two ice cubes into the waiting container.

"Sup Bro. You got a car?"

I had no idea that Bradley had guests. Just as I was thinking how strange it was, a very tall boy came stomping in from the back bedroom.

"Damnit man, she needs us to go NOW." he stammered like a school kid.

"Oh hey, what's up bud?"

They looked like a couple of characters from an old TV show. In fact, they were dead ringers for Lenny and Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley.

It was sort of funny but I was also kind of freaked out. What were these guys up to? Who were they?

Source: Pixabay.com

Closing the door behind me with a gentle shove, I nonchalantly headed into the kitchen to pour myself a bit of soda as well. Sitting in the center of the black bamboo chopping block was a large bottle of some kind of generic tequila. I grabbed a small square cup from the cupboard, filled it half with Dr. Pepper and half with tequila, stirred it with a metal spoon that was sitting on the counter, and threw in two ice cubes.

"Who are you guys?" I drank slowly, savoring the burn.

"We live down the street brother. Bradley said you might want to hang with us tonight, and take us to see a couple of chicks. They're pretty hot my man."

"Huh. I think this might be my last time coming down here." I thought, feeling kind of disgusted by the whole thing.

"Nah, I just drove like an hour. Traffic was pretty bad too. I'm not really into driving around all night."

They looked dejected but said it was all cool. I expected them to leave, but they sat right next to me on the couch while I flipped through the TV channels. Every two minutes one of them would check their phone. The tall one went into the back room about 15 times during the episode of Night Court that was playing. It was annoying as hell.

At some point the Mexican guy turned to me and said "Oh hey man, my name is Chris and that's Jack."

I continued to drink Dr. Pepper and Tequila until everything on TV was quite a riot. Chris laughed along right next to me while Jack paced around the room as though someone was on the way to murder him and we were somehow interfering with his escape.

Finally I'd had enough.

"Fine. Let's go."

"You serious bro? For real?"

Jake had his phone on speaker and I could hear the girl that he was talking to you. She sounded like a real bitch. The entire conversation was nothing but her complaining. No wonder he seemed so tense and frustrated. He was probably caught between the idea of wanting to hook up with her, and the idea of having to actually listen to her yell.

Source: Pixabay.com

I probably shouldn't have been driving. I think these guys were more drunk than I was, because they were terrible navigators. They seemed to have no idea where we were going. Somehow after about 45 minutes we arrived. I was feeling frustrated and hungry at that point. I wasn't prepared for two bitchy girls to get in my car and start giving me commands.

The first girl was named Carla. She looked exactly like the dictionary definition of a prostitute. Her black curly hair was teased up to look like Marilyn Monroe, if she was hooker. Despite having a yellowish tint to her skin, she had white cover up all over her face. The pièce de résistance was the bright red lipstick that absolutely clashed with the ensemble, making her appear both trashy and clownish.

The second girl was named Marlene. She was your typical white cheerleader type. She honestly looked like she had no business hanging out with Carla. That's what I thought at first, until she started talking.

"You gone be so late to pick a girl up son? My boyfriend kick yo ass you heard."

"Wow. Aren't you a lovely thing?" It would have been a caustic remark, but she blushed and said "Why, thank you."

It had taken us almost an hour to find the location of the girls, and it took quite a bit longer than that to get back to Bradley's. I wasted almost the entire night doing something stupid. I guess it didn't really matter. One thing was clear though. There were two girls and three guys, and that number does not add up to a good time.

Chris and Carla walked into Bradley's bedroom the moment we arrived at his house. I walked into the kitchen and poured myself another Dr. Pepper and Tequila while listening to rap music blast through the doorway. Not even three minutes had passed before the bed springs started screeching. A loud high pitched moaning shortly followed. Chris wasted no time, it seemed.

Jack was having terrible luck though. It was clear that he was the one that expected to get laid tonight. After all, he'd been on the phone with this girl for something like three hours while Chris and I watched TV and drank together. Despite that, Marlene seemed unwilling to give him the time of day. In fact, all she did was talk about her boyfriend. At one point she even picked up Bradley's football shaped phone and called the guy.

I lost it. I was pretty drunk at that point but to me it was the most hilarious thing I had ever witnessed. Jack is sitting next to this girl continuously trying to put his arm around her while she talks about her boyfriend. He takes his right hand and tries to touch her boob while she slaps it away. She picks up the phone and calls her boyfriend loudly exclaiming "He's trying to touch my titty!".

This was comedy gold.

After about an hour Chris came out of the back room smiling like an idiot. I couldn't help but notice that Carla was still in there.

"OK you're up bro. "

"Excuse me?"

"It's your turn man. You didn't think I was going to have you go pick up these girls and not get anything out of it, did you? Have at it!"

I thought that he was being some kind of some kind of chauvinist pig by saying that. Carla must have fallen asleep after being very tuckered out.

Suddenly, though, a yelling from the bedroom changed my mind.

"C'mon now. Who's next?"

Source: Pixabay.com

I wasn't particularly experienced, and I wasn't about to go get sloppy seconds from some strange girl I'd just met, but I was also very curious. I tiptoed through the tall shag carpet back to the bedroom and peeked my head gently in the doorway. The room was quite dark, but I could see the big white bed that I had slept in not even 2 weeks ago. A young woman was sprawled a top it. Her nether region was covered by a flowery looking comforter, however, her left leg was fully exposed, as was her right breast. Her nipple was very large. It was more like a piece of Canadian bacon than a pepperoni.

I stood there looking at it for a few minutes, when suddenly my senses were overcome by a rather foul odor. It smelled like the seashore, and I quickly looked around to see if Bradley had bought any new fishing gear. I loved fishing, and I was just getting the urge to go to the lake. I said exactly that to the guys as I walked back into the main room, and they both burst out laughing. Like I said, I was pretty inexperienced back then.

The best part of the adventure happened while I was driving the girls home that morning. We'd all slept on the carpet of the TV room until probably about 8:30 when suddenly Carla screamed. She needed to be home right now. Her mom thought she was in her bedroom sleeping, and would be coming in there any moment to wake her up. It was at that moment that I realized I had no idea how old Carla was. I had sort of imagined that she was in her late 20s or maybe even 30 by the way that she acted, but I guess she was still just a teenager like us, albeit a very knowledgeable one.

We took the highway part of the time, but then Carla told me to turn off onto a dirt road. Apparently there was a path that would take at least 10 minutes off the trip. I was really hungover and not paying close attention to what I was doing. I cruised easily down this dirt road at about 60 miles per hour, half falling asleep, when suddenly everyone shouted in unison.

"Look out! Look out! We're gonna die!"

It turned out that the road did a 180 degree turn at that point, then circled back to the main highway. The drop off was about 10 feet, and we had no room to slow down. We were gonna take that jump in my Civic hatchback.

As soon as we launched into the air, I pulled a cigarette out of my pack and lit it up. "Well this might be the last one ever." I thought to myself. It really felt like something from The Dukes of Hazzard as we soared majestically through the blue sky. I imagined all kinds of things happening when we landed. Air bags deploying, axles breaking, shocks coming off. Mostly pain though. I was sure there would be lots and lots of pain.

Nevertheless, I turned up the volume on the radio and took a long drag from my "last" Newport.

BAM. BUBUM. We hit the ground rolling. We didn't stop rolling either. We bounced a little. Bounce, bounce, bounce. Then we kept on going. As it turned out, we didn't even need to get on the highway anymore. This ended up being a serious short cut.

Chris slowly turned to me as I flicked my cigarette out the driver side window.

"You are the most hardcore mofo I have ever met in my entire life bro. Holy crap. That was awesome."

Marlene threw up out the passenger window.

Worth it.

After that we limped back to Bradley's house, and passed out on the carpet once more time.

There is only one more Kennedale Adventure after this one. I hope you will look forward to it.