Tomorrow morning at around 4.15am I will have completed my first 40 years on this fine earth.
This is big.
Because it means I've only got 10-15 years before I have to start planning for my mid-life crisis.
I've always been big on being prepared and organised, and I wouldn't want to start this whole mid-life crisis thing late and miss out on anything, so rather than wait for another decade I thought I'd flesh out the plan right now.
So, research is needed.
According to The Telegraph (always a good source of reliable information) some signs to looks out for are:
- Taking vitamin pills
- Taking out a direct debit for a charity
- Desiring a simpler life
- Going to Glastonbury
- Dying my hair
- Flirting embarrassingly with people
- Hangovers getting worse and lasting more than a day
- Getting easily distracted
- A sudden desire to play an instrument
Wait... what??
Holy crap!!
I seem to have started my mid-life crisis without even realising it!!
Quick!
I need some more information on how to deal with this right now! Right I shall turn to another most reliable source of information The Guardian
Fabulous, the good people of the Guardian have laid out a 10 point plan for people going through a mid-life crisis, which I shall put into practice immediately.
Here we go:
1. I must remember the alternative.
Hmmm not sure what this means exactly. They seem to be telling me that the alternative to a mid-life crisis is being dead - and I mustn't forget this.
Alrighty, I have added a daily reminder to my phone:
"Johleen. You are not dead."
Ok. Next...
2. I must not assume every cough is lung cancer.
Right, sure thing. So, I guess not presuming you're terminally ill is, I suppose, one way of getting all positive about your life. Doesn't strike me as particularly hurray inducing though.
Still. Another reminder has been added to my phone.
"Johleen. You are not terminally ill."
Next.
3. I must not have an affair.
Soooo... I'm confused. Is this just not advisable during the mid-life crisis? But fine at any other time? Hmmm, no matter, reminder number three added.
My daily reminder:
"Johleen. Don't have an affair."
4. I must not worry obsessively about work
Ok cool. So worrying up until the point you get obsessed is still good to go. Very helpful.
My daily reminder:
"Johleen. Only worry about work if it's not obsessive."
5. If I am thinking of therapy, I mustn't go in for analysis.
Apparently, if I were to go to therapy I would find it pointless, depressing and financially draining and get nothing out of it at all. Thanks Guardian!
My daily reminder:
"Johleen. Any help you seek from professionals will result in you being financially and psychologically broken."
Got it.
Next.
6. I must not transfer my neuroses onto my kids.
Cool, but, again - this is just during my midlife crisis, right? Any other time I'm golden.
My daily reminder:
"Johleen. Wait until mid-life crisis is over before transferring neuroses onto the kids."
7. I must not buy midlife toys.
Ooooooh!!! What toys are these? There seem to be some special mid-life toys that I'm not aware of. What if I've already bought them? How will I know? Are they labelled?
My daily reminder:
"Johleen. Find mid-life toys but do not buy."
8. I must turn off my blackberry.
Apparently, my family would like the chance to ignore me rather than always being ignored. I don't really ignore my family, it's impossible - they're way too loud. And they live in the same house as me.
Anyway, I haven't got a blackberry so this point is void.
9. I must make time to go out
Gosh, I seem to be living in the dark ages. What are these contraptions with which I can make time? I think owning one would be a sound investment. I could make, say, an hour or two every morning and perhaps save them up to use in future. Awesome.
My daily reminder:
"Johleen. Keep a weather eye out for a time maker."
10. It will get better
It? Hmmmm. I think the good people are referring to the book It by Stephen King. I did enjoy it the first time round, but perhaps there is a special bonus chapter for us mid-lifers which is not available to the very young and the very old.
My daily reminder:
"Go and buy a new copy of It by Stephen King".
Ahhhhhhh. There we go.
Sorted.
I'm feeling better already.
Thanks for reading!! Here are some more posts you might like...
The Inexplicable Jiggery Pokery
Follow me, @johleen if you like the kind of stuff I do. :)
NOM NOM NOM
Welcome to Club 4 Zero. I always tell myself now I'm a few years in.
"Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, age doesn't matter."
Happy Birthday for the other day :)
Nice... I like that a lot. I think I'm gonna like club 4 zero too. :)
And thanks!
We (@osm0sis) follow @johleen cause we like the stuff she does!
Fun, original, awesome - great content, thank you! :D
aww, so kind, thank you so much!! :)
Congratulations the 4 th floor. I in few days reach 40 . i m going to enjoy more the life.
Now that sounds like a great plan. ;-)
Hopefully soon they will find a solution for anti aging and we will have our mid life crisis when we are 500 years old ! Pre Happy Birthday!🎂
oooh now you're talking.... :)
Thank you!!
Lol, you are laughing then. Like an insane old biddy you are laughing and drooling and laughing some more ;O)
I dont like the sound of the telegraphs signs at all. Then again, I am a smidge older than you. Want me to say something nice and cheery?
You dont look forty. There, thats everything better :OD
Ah thank you that's very.... hahaha.... hehe.... drrooooool..... haha..... drool...
Ahem...
Nice of you to say. :D
Hehehe :OD
well happy birthday for 4.15am, I am a little worried now as them points in the paper, I started just after I left school. so what am I now like 100?? but whay to go @johleen I think your on to a winner with your reminders, not obsessive at all lol
Thanking you!
Hahaha, you must be a wise elder beyond your years!
possibly lol. when you meet me in a few weeks you'll think i'm a nutter lol
life begins at 40 they say. whoever they are. never trusted them. look, great work on the mortality. WE MUST LIVE! and NOT EXIST! happy birthday. i'm 4 years ahead of you! :)
You're right not to trust them.... what nonsense! Life clearly begins at the age you join Steemit. :)
Haha, thank you! Here's to LIVING!
BINGO! (you'll be doing that soon too) hahahaha.
HAHAHA!!! I fear you may be right!!
Lol! Too funny! I turn 40 in a few months, so it's good to keep an eye on all of this as well and make sure that I watch out for the signs and give myself daily reminders of what not to do. :) Ha ha!!
Haha! Yes, very important to start looking out for these signs now... they took me quite by surprise. XD
Happy birthday! :)
You look so young :)
And I have upvoted and followed you :)
aw thank you, you're too kind!
Lol funny buh informative Nice post @johleen
Happy birthday in advance @johleen all the best as you celebrate.. Would you like to make a cartoon of your favorite picture at a reasonable rate??
Thank you. :) Uhh, I'm not too good at drawing cartoons so no thanks! ;-)
AHAHAHA! I kept laughing the entire time! Your reminders are HIGH-LARIOUS! I sincerely hope you'll be able to accomplish all of those, as some are quite hard. Find mid-life toys but don't buy haha! Oh, and It will get better? I don't know if that's such a good thing, considering you want It to you know, just die. It's a scary thought to think that It would get better, as if it wasn't good enough!
That bonus GIF of Natalie Dormer at the end is oh so fantastic. If I could give you a 200% upvote I will :D More importantly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my fellow Virgo!!
A fellow virgo!! [High Five!]
I knew your birthday was not long past but I assumed you were a Leo. :)
Thank you, a wonderful day was had!
Oh no no no, ugh those dreadful creatures. I'm as pure as Madonna, like a ... yeah, you get it. The posts I put up during that time was scheduled because I didn't have the capacity to go online during my birthday. But, it was posted exactly on my birthday haha!
Awesome!! I'm glad that you had a splendid birthday!
lmao! Happy 40! I'm almost 30 & I can't wait.
Thank you! The 30's is a pretty darn fine decade. Enjoy! :)
Okay first, happy birthday my sister of 1977 woot!! Now I get why I liked you so much, coolest year to be born, ever! Also 9/11 happens to be my husband's birthday, and he is awesome, so there you go.
Second, I may have just peed my pants. Which is apparently something that happens ALOT more once you turn forty, (and maybe a bit before that too) Beware of laughing, coughing, or sneezing too hard.
Third...why am I copying the numbers thing? Where does it say I have to put numbers before my points? What the hell am I talking about? Is this a pre-cursor to senility?
Lastly, I can clear something up for you. The new "IT" movie by Stephen King went to theaters a few days ago. (This is actually not a joke, as hilarious as it is to me right now!) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1396484/
Thanks for giving me a plan for tonight (Find illegal copy of the new IT and watch that shit)
Sorry about the swearing, I'm going through a liberating language phase (a definite sign of mid life crisis )
EDIT: I'm not entirely sure if your tomorrow was talking about the eleventh or the twelfth come to think of it, which is also a sign of aging, suddenly losing the ability to do simple math.
Yeah!! 1977 rocks!!
I can't believe IT has just gone to theatres haha! That's so funny, I guess I'll have to get a copy myself and fulfil my daily reminder!!
My birthday was yesterday (the 12th)... but that is, like, soooo close to the eleventh it's practically the same day. XD
I'm a full supporter of swearing, having also just gone through a liberation of my own in that regard. I say let it out sister haha!!
Now I'm scared...think I may have already had one...or two...or maybe three and I haven't even reached ran my yard dash yet!
I've had many "quarter life" ones. I'm almost 30...
Lol! Maybe it should be renamed from midlife crisis to just life!!
Happy birthday! You do not look a day past 32. =)
Have a most excellent day. Love your post narrative btw.
Thank you very much!
I'm loving you right now too! ♡ How nice for you to add me there =)
Yay! :)
On, no. I thought the only good thing about a mid-life crisis is the excuse to HAVE the affair LOL.
Haha! Apparently not....! What a strange world we live in. Lol! ;-)
Ha ha .... Great Post and Happy Birthday. Upvoted. And thanks for all your upvotes on my posts too. Very much appreciated and the 40's are awesome. I hit the Big 5-0 this year and feel younger than ever.
Thank you! And that's awesome to hear!!
Happy birthday! :) I reached 40 in February. I greeted my sudden crop of gray hairs with a meh and waited for the wailing to begin. It's not started yet. I seem to forget, on a daily basis, that I'm not 20 anymore. Should I set a reminder? :)
Thanks!
Reminders are the way forward apparently... so much to remember! So you're another 1977'er then. :) Great year to be born I reckon.
I actually asked my hairdresser if it was possible to just dye all my hair white rather than gradually loosing the grey hair battle. She just laughed at me...
Very interesting post, i enjoyed it like a pleasant train journey :)
Hahaha! Glad to have provided a pleasant train journey-esque experience!!
Hoping for new train ride again :)
This post has received a 8.00 % upvote from @lovejuice thanks to: @abh12345. They have officially sprayed their dank amps all over your post rewards. GOOD TIMES! Vote for Aggroed!
Awesome!! :)
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