I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had never met Kate. A girl I worshipped, who I would do anything for, who was my first love.
I don’t remember much of the day I met Kate, I know it was a Wednesday, I had been to school that day, and it was term 2 at school. I was a day like any other in my middle upper-class existence, I don’t even remember what started the fight that night, too much wine for mum, too many smart arse barbs from my brother, the absence of my father yet again, my 13 year old hormones and barely veiled seething anger at the world…I don’t know. What I do know was it was a doozy, a screaming yelling cat fight in which I had no chance of winning, I wouldn’t attack my mother no matter what she did to me somehow it was ingrained in me as far back as I remember to not hit women.
She wore herself out quickly and I dashed out the back door before she choose her next move, across the yard and out the back gate, down the lane then I froze, I had no where to go in this state but I knew I could stay here. I choose a direction at random and tried to run, there was too much pain. At the end of the block there was a house that hadn’t had garden upkeep in my lifetime, so I climbed over the low gate and crawled under the hedge. I lay there trying not to cry, trying not to breathe loudly, trying to disappear.
Shortly after I gained control of my breathing but before my heart stopped thumping in my head, I heard them. She chose her favourite pawn to sacrifice tonight, my brother and the dog were out looking for me. Calling my name, walking the street, telling me it’s time to come home. Everything in me want to crawl out and ask him to protect me, for him to take me home so we could all forget and pretend it never happened…again. Something stopped me, it could have been the excruciating pain from what I now know as dislocated ribs, it could have been the anger I had at mum for doing it again or at him for not stopping her, I really don’t know.
I lay there for what seemed an eternity but in reality, it was probably only an hour, by then the pain in my face and ribs were starting to be on the same par as the sticks in my back and the cramp in my legs. I rolled out of the hedge and made my way back out into the street, I don’t know why I choose the football oval as my destination that night I guess it wasn’t somewhere I normally went but I knew there was an undercover area there maybe? I was walking slow and lost deep in thought as I made my way across the oval to the clubhouse. At first, I didn’t notice anything, it wasn’t until one of them grabbed my arm I even knew they were there.
I screamed. In that moment I thought I was going to die, I was petrified. I know he said something but I have no idea what, then I felt a hand smothering my mouth as I was pulled to the ground. “Shut up you Nark” those were the first words she said to me, I stared blankly at her not knowing what was going on no wonder what a Nark was. “She’s fine just give her a smoke, you just scared the little princess”. I had no words, I had no strength, I just sat there staring at the cigarette in hand and bewilderedly at the 5 kids sitting on the ground around me.
That was the first time I met Kate, I didn't understand that from that moment on my world would never be the same.
