In the last Common Thread we shared our First Kiss stories. Now I want to dive a little deeper into the power of Love—particularly the power of the pursuit of love—and how it can have an enormous impact on both the choices we make and the person that we become. The power of Love is as universal as the power of Gravity—it’s constantly tugging, pulling and shaping our lives in ways we aren’t often even aware of. It’s a Common Thread that unites us all. Let’s share our stories…
I was a shy kid. I think it had something to do with how easily my face turned red. The slightest bit of attention could trigger a slight blush—which other kids would quickly point out, “His face is turning red! Are you embarrassed, Josh?” This, of course, would only make the situation worse. I was always way more embarrassed about being embarrassed than whatever it was that initially made me turn red. As such, despite however outgoing and happy I felt on the inside, I tended to avoid drawing attention to myself.
My crush on Tamsen started when I was about 11 or 12 years old. She was my age, and a member of our church congregation, so I saw her every Sunday for years. She was the “popular” girl and, because of my shyness, I never had the confidence to approach her. I had to settle for periodic glances and awkward smiles—and maybe the occasional “hello” on those rare, lucky days. To get to church, our family would always drive by her house, and every time (without fail) I would hold out hope that she’d just be out there, randomly, for whatever reason. What is it about crushes that makes us all act like idiots?
Tamsen was a talented singer and dancer. She was a member of a local performing arts school called the Colorado Academy of the Arts. The “Academy” was owned and operated by other members of our congregation and was predominately for girls from elementary school age to high school. There was only one group that included boys, it was a high school/college age group called “Encore”—and in my world, it was the highest rung on both in regards to talent and social status. Only in my wildest dreams could I have the confidence and talent to be part of that group—Tamsen, on the other hand, was a shoe-in.
So here’s the part that changed my life. I was 14, had been crushing on Tamsen for a few years, and I was tired of being shy and lacking confidence. I had seen other guys, a few years older than me, who were very talented and had incredible confidence (and charisma) I KNEW I wanted that—no, I NEEDED that. So, I decided that the answer to all my problems was to join the Academy.
The problem was that there wasn’t a group at the Academy for talentless 14-year-old boys. However, my mom—the kind of woman who bends the universe to her will—convinced the owners of the Academy to start one. It was called “Teen Street”, and we were terrible… But (fast-forwarding for the sake of time), I stuck with it. I got better. I started gaining confidence. By the time I was in high school, I was good enough as both a singer and a dancer to join Tamsen in the elite group, “Encore”. That was the greatest achievement in my young life.
Tamsen and I never dated. In fact, she actually dated one of my older brothers for a while (much to my distain). To this day, I’m not sure if she has any idea of how much of an impact she had on changing the course of my life. Not only did I gain some much-needed confidence, but she indirectly triggered a life-long passion in me for music and dancing.
In every Common Thread, I like to take a moment to highlight people who I think are valuable contributors in the community. I find these people by reading the stories they post in Common Threads. After checking out their profiles and recent blogs, I will usually follow them—and for those who really stand out, I will try and promote them in future Common Threads.
Here are a couple of authors who I think are making a valuable contribution:
- @snowmachine – Excellent horror, dark fiction writer and very committed Steemit contributor.
- @flauwy – Very prolific English/Duetsch contributor who not only has interesting content but uses images and formatting to great effect.
Now it’s your turn. The real purpose of Common Threads is to hear from you! I would love to hear how your pursuit of love has changed the course of your life—and I think others would, too. If you don’t want to share, then maybe you’ll take a moment to read other people’s stories and encourage them by upvoting the ones you like. Now, without further ado:
@joshua-pace, first off... love that you're doing this series; this is a fantastic form of community engagement so "yay" and re-steeming!
My "pursuit of love" story is really too long for this comment... I'm older, and it spans 44 years and is filled with unlikely coincidences and magic creative Hollywood writers would struggle to come up with.
I met my wife in a Los Angeles back yard in 1973, when I was 13 and she was eight. This-- in and of itself-- was an extraordinary coincidence; you see I'm Danish and we were living in Denmark at the time... she was born and living in LA. But our dad's just happened to have business together, and my mom and I just happened to be along for this particular business trip. (fill in about 2000 words of "unusual stuff" here)
We were just kids, and this was just a couple of days and we went back to Europe... but I came back to the US to college at UT Austin in 1981... and we briefly wrote letters because my mom and my wife's auntie had kept in touch, but then lost touch (insert another 1000 of mystery stuff here). I was 21, she 15 by then.
Time passed; my parents moved to Phoenix AZ... one time around 1988 I thought I recognized her at a Stuart Anderson's restaurant in Scottdale... (turned out I did) but it was one of those fleeting things. But I asked my mother if she knew what had happened to Debbie... but she'd lost touch with the auntie.
More time passed, it's 1996... and I am certain I saw her in a crowd in Sedona, AZ... so I went after the girl in a group of people... she rounded a corner and was gone. I stayed there for almost an hour... alternately wondering if I was losing my shit, and hoping I was right. (We later determined that she was there, on that day, in exactly that location)
More time... 2002; we now had the Internet; searches. I have pondered if I was a little crazy, "imagining" things about some mystery woman who-- in all fairness-- I only know from a couple of days as kids, and some handwritten letters as late teens... but there was something there. Of course, Debbie Thompson is a pretty common name to search for...
... and I didn't know she'd legally changed her name at 21, so I was looking for the "wrong" person, anyway.
2003; I am blogging on a site remarkably similar to Steemit (in some ways, Steemit could have been modeled after it) and I come across a random among millions and I read someone's story-- there are no pictures, no identifying information, no names there... but the writing... like a forensic expert might recognize a fingerprint, it was the writing of the letters from college/high school.
So I sent a very brief message... "I think I may know you..."
We are now married and continuing the story together, here in our home in the Pacific Northwest.
What a great story @denmarkguy! I love love stories.
My husband and I have known each other since high school. I was 15 and he was nearly 17. Both being terribly shy and awkward, we had one awful date and that was the end of that. Our parents, however, each owned a bar/restaurant so we were always running around the same social circles.
At this point I've known him for about 2/3 of my life. He's husband # 2 and I'm wife # 3. Lots of water under that bridge and absolutely no secrets between us. LOL
And that's awesome, too, @merej99! I always find these stories amazing and beautiful... a couple we know here-- who are good friends-- grew up two blocks from each other; when they were seven, he helped her up and comforted her after she'd fallen while skating on a local pond; they didn't know each other and had no further contact... but here's where it gets magical and mystical-- between ages 9 and 26, they/their families made six moves to six towns in three states never more than a couple of months apart, and they never lived more than a mile from each other! They finally met at a party, back in their original hometown... at their wedding, their families met for the first time. They celebrated their 25th last year...
These lives we live... my wife is wife #3 and I'm husband #5.
Wow, that's a pretty amazing story and to think they were literally "around the corner" from one another. It also makes me wonder about fate and destiny. My husband and I often wonder what would have happened if we tried having a second date in high school. Might we be close to a 30 year anniversary -- or would I have been his first ex wife? LOL In truth, we probably needed all that 'water under the bridge' because our relationship is unwavering.
I don't remember exactly how this was phrased-- nor who said it-- but there was a saying along the lines of "The paths we have chosen lead us to EXACTLY where we are today." Whereas the "What IF" game can be fun... fact remains that this reality is what we have, and the best thing we can do is simply be grateful.
Wow, that is an amazing love story! It almost seems like destiny or the Law of Attraction. Certainly if you weren't actively looking for her, I don't think you'd have recognized her amongst a sea of writing!
@sizzlingmonkeys thanks... and yes. LOA or just that "we're all connected." We had a profound experience as kids (way beyond the above description) and perhaps we were simply tuned in to each other from that point forward.
Sounds like there's quite a story there! If you care to share that story someday, I look forward to reading it!
I loved reading your story, Denmarkguy! Speaking of Hollywood writers--you should sell your story and they can make a movie of it! Thank you so much for taking the time to share such a wonderful story--this is the very reason I wanted to start this series :) I'm glad I'm following you because I can tell you're a wonderful contributor and I want to hear more from you! Cheers and best.
Thanks @joshuapace-- appreciate the kind words! There are a lot of really wonderful and talented content creators here on Steemit... which would include yourself.
Excellent initiative you are starting with Common Threads, joshua-pace! 👍 One small suggestion, perhaps readers can be encouraged to post their stories on their own blogs - kind of like how ColorChallenge works? I think that would make it easier for each blogger's followers to find the stories.
#commonthreads is definitely a worthy tag to develop, especially if it's associated with a very specific type of post-- storytelling and narratives about the things that "make us all connected."
It'll take a few hundred uses of it before it will show up on the front page, but with some perseverance from dedicated content creators, that's totally doable.
Thank you for your comment and encouragement, Sizzlingmonkeys! I'm still kinda new so I'm not familiar with how ColorChallenge works, but I'll look into it! it sounds like a smart idea. Cheers.
You're doing great, joshua-pace! I'm pretty new myself. Just thought I'd mention ColorChallenge because it shows up a lot in the blogs. I really like the idea of Common Threads as a way to encourage other Steemians to share their life stories and thoughts!
I happened by when I saw @denmarkguy resteem your story. This looks to be an awesome series! I love the idea of common threads.
My pursuit of love... hahaha... I fear it may be longer than a comment may allow but I'll share one... I was in such a hurry to find love, get married and start a family. At the age of 23 I was beginning to think I was an Old Maid. My mother had me when she was 20!
So I began dating a young man and eventually moved in with him. There were things that sent up little red flags in my mind but I was "so in love" - or rather maybe it was the idea of being in love - and I ignored those little red flags.
After giving birth to our first child I wonder if I stopped being a woman and became a wife and mother in his eyes. Wife = barefoot, pregnant, happy homemaker. Mother = evil. You can imagine he had mommy issues and I was not a happy homemaker.
Somehow I knew from the very beginning that we were not meant to be but, the pursuit of love, or being in love with the idea of love made me quiet my intuition. It was a very hard lesson in learning to love and trust myself after my divorce, but because of those experiences, I was able to recognize and appreciate my true love when he came along a few years later.
Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us, @merej99! That sounds like a difficult, and yet important, lesson to learn. I can relate, somewhat, to the pressure to get married young. I was raised Mormon and ended up going to BYU for college--where there's a huge focus on getting married. In fact, if you manage to graduate without getting married (or without having plans to do so) you're something of an enigma and people assume there's something wrong with you. I was almost married out of college, and now, 20 years later, I'm still single... but I love my life :)
Thank you again for sharing your story. I just checked out your profile and I can tell your very active and very giving to the community. I'd love to follow you and I'll look forward to reading your posts! Cheers
I definitely put on the pressure of getting married all by myself. I have no regrets because I've taken ownership in my decisions. With those lessons, I've been blessed with 3 amazing kids, one awesome stepson, and I'm married to my best friend/love of my life. :)
That's wonderful! I admire your perspective and I'm thrilled for you--you're life is blessed.
Reminds me a bit of elements of my first marriage... also in my early 20's; it was a strange "you'll do" situation-- me feeling pressured to conform with social norms; my ex very much "in love with love" (but not really with ME)... and then the strangeness of it being a relationship we somehow stayed in even 8 years after you could declare it "ended." We do odd things when we're young!
Yes! I know this "you'll do" attitude. In hindsight, I also recognized that I based my first marriage on false information/perceptions of what marriage was supposed to look like. I never saw my parents argue. My mother was always conciliatory. To the outsider looking in, I'd say she was obedient. I thought that was a mix of culture and how things were supposed to be.
It was after I got divorced that my mother told me how she and dad used to fight like cats and dogs when all the kids were sleeping. I felt like I was duped! LOL
I never saw my parents fight, or even raise their voices to each other. Nor did I see them being even remotely affectionate towards each other... they divorced when I was in my teens but it wasn't until after my mom died that her cousin explained that their marriage was pretty much "a business arrangement;" she got security, status and lifestyle; he got "a pretty arm ornament."
This is a toughie because the pursuit of "love" didn't always lead me the right way, nor was pleasant. Guess it taught me to be extra careful of people's intentions. Eventually and after one divorce, I met my now husband via an online dating site back in 2013. <3
Yeah, sadly, the pursuit of love doesn't always lead into places we ultimately want to be :(... Fortunately, you were able to learn something from it! Chalk one up to online dating :) Thanks for sharing!
Very nice! I like the variety of subjects.
@joshua-pace
Thank you! I really appreciate that :)
Nice post
Thank you, Roky :)
It's my pleasure
nice post, congratulations... i follow you
I appreciate that, Alex! Cheers :)