This is for sure one of the most disturbing things i have heard/read in a long time. I can not imagine how this must wonder around in your head, because it surely does. But one thing to never forget, do not blame yourself. If talking about triggers, the trigger is that his brain is messed up, and nothing else.
glad you got away girl..wow
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Yeah, I don't blame myself. There was no way I could have foreseen any of this, although he was always a bit of a loose cannon. But still. I count my blessings, that's for sure.