In the following posts, I'll take you on a journey that began on the day of the black moon - 31.07.19, in “El Bosque del Condor”, Baja California and ended on the opposite side of the country, in a migratory station in Tapachula, Chiapas. From the frontier with the US to the frontier with Guatemala. On this journey, I had a lot of thoughts about love, relationships, spirituality, business, humanity, migration and more that I want to share. So buckle up and let’s begin.
“The term black moon refers to an additional new moon that appears in a month or in a season. It may also refer to the absence of a full moon or of a new moon in a month” – WIKIPEDIA
It is believed that you shouldn’t make decisions about starting new things or signing deals on that day. However, some say the opposite, when it comes to terminating or ending stuff. They say that on a black moon, it is the best opportunity and the right time to break a deal or in my case - to break up an almost 4-year relationship.
4 years, is my personal record! At the age of 32, it has been my longest and most significant relationship. Nevertheless, on that day I have decided that I have to leave. In the past half a year I have been constructing with my partner our dream eco-cabin (in a future post I'll explain more about our eco-project). Many reasons made me leave, that later on, will be much clearer to me, but on that day I just felt this urge to break free. There was a voice in my head that told me to leave everything and just hit the road (in a way I felt like Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love). When you have this kind of drive to escape you don’t think much of what you live behind, it was a very basic instinct that prevented me from thinking about anything else but my wellbeing. I didn’t care about the emotions or hurting my partner (who I love till this day) and certainly, I didn’t care about losing all the money that I have invested in the cabin in particular and in the eco-project in general. I didn't even feel like crying, I was completely possessed by the instinct. The only thing I wanted was to take a plane to the other side of Mexico, a complete change of scenery.
"A good metaphor for the way I felt about my relationship, I took this photo near our cabin when I was walking around to gather my thoughts"
It was a rather strange ride from the location of the cabin in the mountains, to the capital of Baja California, Mexicali (the hometown of my partner). On the one hand, there were so many things that we had to talk about and so many questions were left unanswered, especially from my partner's side. On the other hand, I didn't have any desire to talk, any desire to explain anything, any desire to fix anything. The only desire I had was to be alone, for me to be able to deal with the strong feeling of overwhelm that came upon me. So, after the long ride with countless awkward silences, I have finally found myself alone outside the AirBnB apartment I have rented. I didn't mind that I was standing under the boiling desert sun at almost 50 degrees Celcius (120 °Fahrenheit), I took a deep breath of the hot air and a sense of mysterious relief filled me.
I don't have many friends in Mexicali. To be honest I had only one friend who is "my friend" more than she is my partner's. But that is all you need - just one true friend that will be there for you when you are in need. Luckily for me, my friend is one of the good kind. I spent three days in Mexicali. Although I have been dozens of times on Mexicali, on these days I had experienced the city from a perspective that I didn't experience before. Starting from an event at an LGBTQ+ safe space where for the first time I had a chance to see part of the gay community of Mexicali. Seeing these teenagers being able to be themselves and to be able to talk and express themselves about whatever subject, openly in a tolerating environment was amazing. It is something that I didn't have when I was a teenager, to help me understand that there is nothing wrong with me and with my different attraction. However, at the same time, it made me think that there is still a very long way to go. The fact that we still need a place called "A safe space for the LGBTQ+ community" says it all. Outside on the "street", when you cross the gate, it is no longer a safe space. At least in Mexico, the community has rights, like gay marriage for example, but in so many places the community is being suppressed by the government and its members are being thrown to the jail, or executed publicly on the street and it doesn't look like it is going to change and get better anytime soon :/
"A photo from the Safe Space"
My rendezvous with the gay community in Mexicali didn't end up there. On the next day, she took me to "La mina" (The mine)- a gay bar in the promiscuous center of Mexicali. The place, to correspond with the name, designed like a mine in a budget film from the '80s. On the night that we were there, there was a drug show. It wasn't Las Vegas performance, but for a desertic non-touristic city of Mexicali, it was really impressive. Around 10 drag queens were performing one after the other with colorful and diverse sets of dresses and accessories. They were lip singing all of the most famous songs from Latin American divas, and there are many of them :D
As I was sitting there I was wondering why my partner, not even once, suggested going to this place. We have stayed for so many nights here and an experience like that for sure would have spiced our night. At the same time, this place also reminded me of a typical gay bar, this place with the same variety of people in it, can easily be found in Israel. A place where looks and appearance is everything, a place to see and to be seen, a place where the older generation trying their luck hooking up with way younger guys - usually by buying their way to the young hearts. After the show is over, the people that came to this place just to enjoy the performance are starting to leave and most of the people that stay are those who came here intending to find someone to spend the night with, escape their loneliness.
On the third day, after the breakup, I had a flight. A last-minute flight to Chiapas, the most southern state of Mexico, as far as possible from Baja California. I was planning to go to Quintana Roo, the number one touristic destination in Mexico (Cancun, Playa del Carmen, Tulum...). Yet, as soon as my friend brought up the idea of going to Chiapas something inside me "clicked" and I knew that a great adventure awaits me over there and that this is the right place for me to be in. I didn't check much about Chiapas because It wasn't that important to me. In the few days that I was by myself, I realized that I am on the right path and I knew that it is right, since everything was going so smoothly. A path of self and world exploration. I felt like I'm opening up to the world, and when that happens, the world brings amazing opportunities. The only challenge is to spot and seize these opportunities because, as I will learn in the near future, some opportunities come wrapped up in a very unattractive package :)
Thank you for reading, and i'll appreciate if you'll share your thought about what I have written.
Thanks in advanced,
KAWOQ
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Hey why you showing that picture of me to everyone. HAAAAA. I always call myself broken barbie.
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Hahaha, well at least it is upsidedown so no one can tell its you :)
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