There are a few different kinds of gestures in relationships, And while we are all too familiar with all of them. They often have very different impacts on the person giving or receiving them.
Surprise Gestures
I firmly believe that in relationships, we should emphasize appreciating our partners no matter what they do. But it's been shown that surprise gestures are so much more meaningful than planned ones, which makes sense because our brain loves the excitement of something new, The person giving it. He is probably excited to do so, While the receiver will also be extra excited to get the thing. Unfortunately, in some relationships, one person may only value the surprise gestures. And may use it as an excuse to never communicate the wants and needs they have in the relationship. It quickly turns into a relationship where it's pretty much guaranteed to faill.
Expectations
Sadly, it becomes expected of us when we do the same thing consistently. We should pay attention to what people do for us And not expect them. But a lot of us fall into this trap without even realizing it. However, doing some of these tasks without any schedule or predictability can be challenging, especially if it's something like cooking for your partner in a relationship.
When it was never clarified, Whose responsibility it would be. Often, resentment can grow when the person doing the task feels like you take it for granted. The person giving this may feel like they have no other option. It's important to keep these things in mind. Especially if they seem like less noticeable things, it can be jarring to the receiver when they stop receiving something they are accustomed to.
When Someone Requests
These gestures are often the least impactful because they require the other person to ask you. They may feel angry that the conversation even had to happen.
While there are valid times and places for all these gestures, all three must be balanced.
Things I think people can improve on in these areas:
Especially in long-term relationships, don't be afraid to surprise your partner.
Think of all the expectations you have of your partner. Did you thank them? Even if they are designated chores, Staying motivated at a job you don't feel appreciated can be hard. It's kind of the same thing. Everyone wants to feel like they are contributing value.
If someone requests something from you, how much are they in charge of managing it? Could you take some of that off their plate? Are they happy managing those things? Don't be afraid to start up those conversations.
