I've been here over 10 years. Tokyo is the big city, there are a lot more open minded people there. But it's a small group compared to the rest of Tokyo and the rest of Japan.
Bullying is a big problem here. A couple of years ago, in Shiga, where I live, there was an incident where a school kid was bullied to the point of suicide. And the bullies actually made him practice the suicide multiple times beforehand. This is an extreme example. But Japan isn't the anime wonderland it's made out to be, and what people might see on a short trip.
That being said, overall it's not that bad, and much safer than most other countries (unless you consider earthquakes, tsunamis, and typhoons).
But after living here for a while, you begin to sense the underlying stress in the air. It's the complete opposite of someplace like Thailand, where the complete lack of stress makes you feel like you might melt into a state of non existence.
practice the suicide??? I don't even know what that means but it sounds horrible.
It's disheartening to hear, because I saw in Japan elements of super-politeness and links to tradition, but I also saw places, such as in Shinjuku with the yakitori stands lining the side streets, where people would let go, blow off steam and be much less formal.
I hope it isn't too bad in Shiga. Since you're foreign, do you think it's easier for you than the average citizen, to personally to step away from that societal pressure?
Absolutely people blow off steam in their free time. That's part of the reason for the high alcoholism rate. But compared to Americans, they are much less likely to get aggressive when they drink. That's a plus.
Their politeness is intertwined and codependent with their stress. They HAVE to be polite. The nail that sticks up gets hammered down.
As a foreigner, I will never be seen as Japanese, nor expected to act Japanese. I do my best to not let their stress affect me. I am outside of their societal games. I am like the zen monk at the edge of the road. And anyone who takes classes at my small English school knows they are free to let go and express themselves without fear of being ostracized. I try to let them see Japanese society and human society in general for what it is - a complex game that we have little choice but to participate in, but that can be changed by changing the way we think, little by little.
I have an elderly woman that I teach once a week. She was complaining about the stress of having to clean out her neighborhood sewer system with people from her neighborhood. It's an obligatory duty she can't refuse. I mentioned how in other countries the norm is to hire people for that kind of work. It's something that's hazardous to human health and should be handled by professionals. In the big cities of Japan, it is handled by professionals. Then I got into the idea that it's her city, and she should join the local city council and bring up this fact. And she wholeheartedly agreed, but I don't know yet whether she will voice her opinion. I can't make her do anything, I can only show her the possibilities.
Tradition is a double edged sword here. There are beautiful traditions that produce amazing art, and then there are millions of people doing things that society tells them to do because that's the way it's always been done, regardless of whether it makes any sense.
Yeah it's like email etiquette to a much higher degree. It can be insidiously stressful to constantly worry about ensuring you're projecting the proper tone.
I think that you are likely an important voice for people to hear in the town you live in.
You're right. Society is a game, and I think because there are so many subcultures that are created over time, there is always some place for everyone to flourish. Finding that place can be difficult though, and sometimes people never find it. It sounds like you implore people to search though, and that's a big deal.
http://japandailypress.com/13-year-old-bullied-into-practicing-his-own-suicide-before-killing-self-066106/
What an awful story. What the hell were the teachers doing??!?