This year has had so many downs it's literally brought me to my knees. It's such a strange one because - although I've had many horrible times in my life - nothing has come close to the roller-coaster of a ride that I've experienced this time. From moments of debilitating stress that robbed me of energy, memory and autonomy to the high of my business partner and I completing multiple projects for our company and even expanding into new fields.
I don't know how to describe this year in no way other than the way that everything was turned up to 11. And with that I've decided to reflect on my achievements, and failures.
So What did you Learn?
Programming-wise?
That every piece of code is a fucking mess no matter how elegant you think you are. That I am actually capable of picking up a new language at the drop of a hat, boosting the confidence of my own intelligence by a good margin. That I'm confident in my ability to pitch in at my own company and provide the technical expertise with other driven individuals and being well on the way to overcoming imposter syndrome.
Personally?
That I can actually do something outside of working in a bar. It's nice to know that other than talking shit to people you genuinely don't care about, I can actually take those same skills and talk to people about things I care about to people I care about. It's not that I hated anyone whilst working behind a bar, it's just that I didn't care. I was well over it considering I'd been working in the industry for 14 years.
Socially?
That I could take in perspectives from many individuals and come to a meaningful discussion about topics that are extremely sensitive. A good example is the current political climate after the Tories won the election last week. Everyone started to yell at each other and fling insults regardless of which side you were on. I wanted to understand why people voted for what and maybe even help them understand that there are some policies that people value more than others. So I think that I've gone passed the whole "you're a piece of shit for voting for this cunt, you fuckhead" time in my life. It really sucks that not everyone wants to listen and adapt to a conversation.
On the Whole
This is all a reflection of what I've felt - and there's more I tend to keep to myself, which is why I'm challenging my own character by posting articles as often as I have been. I think from next year I'll post once a week so that I don't tire myself out. This has been a very therapeutic and psychologically enhancing task for me. Putting myself out there in front of you, the reader, has actually made me feel good about myself and makes me wonder why I didn't do it in the first place.
It's quite unlike me to reflect as heavily as I have been - but I definitely needed to do this and I wish I'd done it sooner. It'll soon be the 10th anniversary since I lost someone who was like an older brother to me, and it's strange to think that 10 years had passed as a whole.
People tend to talk about how life has a funny way of working itself out, and that's such a load of bullshit. Sometimes you keep trying and you run into disadvantages and get knocked down, over and over again. There are others who say "you've just gotta chase your dreams' and that rarely ever works out. Not until we've got this money situation sorted out. Until then though, I tend to tell people that if they're about to fuck up, then fuck up gloriously. If you're at a disadvantage, you may as well have a little fun until things supposedly get better.
On a lighter note though! I'm excited to share some stupid stories that I've experienced during my time. So thanks for reading some of my stuff!
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