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Well I hope you get out of your self destructive faze. It is not an easy thing to get out of when you have people supporting it. :/

hope you heal up quick.

here is another person reporting on his day, maby check it out? he is new but I think his story might help you. he is going through more then most people could handle. its kind of amazing to me.
https://steemit.com/one-day/@onemyday/a-day-of-a-psycho-hello-steem-my-name-is-vitaliy-i-m-30-years-old-and-i-am-a-psycho-featuring-vitaliy-lobanov-as-author

sorry I come off as a prick.