So much to think about here, sis. First, let me state that I'm proud of you and think you're awesome. :) Shine like a star!
Second, to be all about me, lol, this post brings some of my own stuff to the surface and I'm going to outline some of the fast thoughts I had while reading it about why I play small sometimes:
Worry that if I play big or have greater success I'll lose people in my life.
Fact: I've lost people at the level of success I HAVE had. It's been fascinating to see the friends drop off out of jealousy.
Fact: a realization that the person I most don't want to lose is my husband and, in the past, and even a bit now, I haven't known if he would be able to play bigger than he has in the past. Meaning, step into higher ambition for himself. But, I think he's doing this now, finally, and I like to think that seeing me go for my own dream and encouraging him to realize that this is THE TIME, right now, for change. (Of right now is always the time for change, but you know what I mean.)
But, yes, I think these relationship losses are what hold me back from playing bigger. And, of course, what we've talked about how being out and loud about what I write with my legal name identity puts my child in a position to have to deal with that during a potentially perilous part of the growing up process.
Also, I was raised by some fairly fearful people, both of whom encourage me regularly to hide who I am and what I do for more time.
All of this is rattling around in my head and I thank you for bringing it to the surface now. We should talk sometime about how you're dealing with these things with your C so I can glean some ideas. Love you.
Thank you sweet sis. 🙏🏽
I never thought about your husband's gentle nature and his tolerance of playing bigger as a factor in your lifestyle or career choices, but I totally get that now that you say it. Are you saying you were conscious of this all along, or just from reading the post you seeing it? Doesn't matter. Just curious. I'm really glad he is finding steadiness and happiness as career wise he steps outside his comfort zone a little more.
And, I guarantee witnessing you being a little more outloud YOU had impacted him and supported his growth. Shine sister. ✨🌞
I don't think of your parents as very fearful people. Compared to mine they live like sky divers! But now that you say it, I get it. Their fears are just different than what I was raised with, and are certainly projected onto you. And that your day job puts you in frequent close contact with them, and dependency some what on them, that's a big influence or at least an energy suck that you are dealing with.
Also you are so much more social than I have been in the past. You have always had so many friends, enjoy frequent face to face time with them etc. Up until the last year or 2, I was such an introvert...I only had a few friends that tolerated my neglectful style of friendship, and I was very satisfied with that! And then lately my life, and heart and social circle has expanded so much through my little yoga world, but they are all the kind of friends who love each other for their authenticity. With my friends now, the more of ourself we each reveal, the more we support each other. It's amazing really 💗 So I don't have that fear of losing old friends as much as you. A little, but I see me living more authentically as myself as a litmus test. If that runs off an old friend then that relationship is no longer meant to be. "The pain of remaining a tightly clenched bud became more worse than the pain of blooming..." kind of thing. :)
The daughter thing is a point worth it's own comment section or even a seperate post. Would love to talk more about that, but I'm outta time here. 😘
Love u and thanks again for openheartedly sharing your thoughts and experiences.