I have given you a little bit of a background in my introduction. I will also be going through various random thoughts that come into my head. My randomness is one of my endearing qualities I have. I can be talking to you about one thing, then something flies into my brain and it just comes out. No stopping to think. Foot in mouth I think they call it Foot-in-Mouth
Boyfriends, partners, fiancé whatever the description have been a constant battle for me in life and it seems to be amusement and despair for my family and friends. I’ve always been a person that falls in love fast and deep. There is no diverting my attention or feelings while this is happening. They are my World………
I’m in no way a stalker or bunny boiler or even obsession. If there is mutual attraction do expect the same love, respect, honesty, and freedom I give them. But I think that is part of the trouble. I’m very laid back when it comes to relationships (not in a physical sense at first, only for Tom Hardy. Yummy). I like my alone time as well as being with them. I’m also very forgiving and believe in giving people chances. No one is perfect and we are all human, there will always be hard times, arguments and things sent to test a relationship. But by some people’s outlook, this is a weakness and entitles them to treat you like a doormat It’s just a shame that I haven’t found someone with the same outlook. Tell a lie I have, but they have never been in love with me and that is no basis for a relationship. But this has taken a long time to learn. Making an idiot of myself in this category seems to be my forte that cannot go on a CV (to my dismay).
My First experience of true (first) love was when I was around 12 years old. Let’s call him Fred. I was totally head over heels in love. He had blonde hair and blue eyes, at least a foot taller than me. He looked so cool in his Pringle jumper and Farrah trousers……. He was a dream come true. Fred was two years above me at school, I thought I was so grown up and mature because someone older than me was interested. I was just a girl be used and manipulated for the first time by a boy because I was in love.
He lived on the estate next to me so our evenings consisted meeting up after our dinners. It was outside the local shops with the rest of our friends. We would spend a couple of hours with them mucking around and taking the piss. Some of us smoked or it’s when we started to. Making sure our parents didn’t catch us. All the usual stuff teenagers do think they are the first to do it. Around an hour before I was going home we made our excuses and he said he was going to walk me home. Which caused a lot of jeering from our friends as they knew what we were up to but never admitted it.
It was like a dream walking next to him on the way home, holding hands while he pushed his Raleigh bike with the other. His hair glistening in the sunlight at the front with his perfectly set flick at the front. As it slipped down over his eyes he would flick it to one side with a head motion resembling some sort of nervous tic. He would put his arms around my shoulder and I caught a smell of lynx and Paco Robanne,(yes this was the 80’s if you hadn’t already guessed)
We had a special hiding place on our way home. Where hardly anyone used to walk or come by. It’s where we would snog endlessly, hardly coming up for air and touch each other through our clothes if we were feeling brave. I thought in my head it would last forever. We would be together for the rest of our lives. We would be married as soon as it was legal, get a house and a dog. Have children and grow old together. Well, this is what society teaches us are our goals from an early age. But alas this wasn’t to be. It lasted a few months.
See here is the thing, as he so kindly pointed out he had never officially asked me out in the first place. But when he did and asked me to the pictures I declined. So, in anger, he walked away saying “that was your only chance and you’ve blown it”.
This will be a recurring pattern as you will find out. I’m very good at not seeing what is right in front of my nose. This was my first of many lessons in life. Which I continually never learn. The lesson being ‘think before you speak’
So beautifully written and heart-felt. Please post more soon. Xxx
Upvoted and resteemed
Thank you. Very grateful xxx
awsame writing,hope next post will be very exclusiv,, wait for ur next post,remember me
Oh the love lives of the young - at the time we feel so grown up but we knew nothing about love or life. Do you ever wonder what if ? What if you said yes and went to the pictures ? Looking forward to the next instalment
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