OHH. :) At the beginning of your story I felt like you are expressing exactly the same what I feel just right now. I feel like I cannot fit to any work, school, expectation. I feel like I'm looking at the Earth from above. I'm out from all perspectives.
Grabbing your backpack and travel the world is so adventures and cool decision but a lonely journey at the same time. Sometimes I don't even know why I am crying but I do. Sometimes so much, feeling like my heart broke into pieces. Then some hours or even minutes later I feel nothing bad can happen, I'm so lucky to travel the world. I'm always up and down and there is no balance.
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Sorry for my late reply. "I felt like you are expressing exactly the same what I feel just right now. I feel like I cannot fit to any work, school, expectation..": I also feel like I can relate to what you are expressing. Perhaps there are certain times that you don't feel like you don't belong anywhere because you know all too well that sometimes it feels harder to accept kindness than to offer it.
It's hard to express some of those feelings of being helped by many completely selfless kind human beigns throughout a short span of time with each experience; leaving behind and to constantly move on without being attached yet still caring deeply to remember them.
@lottispirit I wish you the best in your health, well-being and in your journey. The strength of remembering gratitude towards anything and everything that we already have...
(I wasn't able to reply or check these comments until now although it was from 8 months ago... So I guess it's better now than never? :p) really appreciate you for sharing your thoughts and insight on how you felt. It really means a bunch to me. It makes me want to share more genuine stories in the near future!