I was just out in the garden, when I realized "I think today is my anniversary!!" I came in and checked the date and sure enough it's the 25th. My Re-Birthday, the day marking the greatest, and hardest challenge of my life so far.
My whole life I felt pretty uncomfortable in my skin, I had a hard time making friends, I was the odd one out socially. I was "weird" and very very sensitive, yet despite all of that I kept putting myself in social situations, and I couldn't even help myself but to say the things I wanted to say. I was outgoing, and could never just keep my mouth shut when I believed strongly about something, or wanted to dress a certain way, do my hair the way I wanted to, which led to me being a pretty big "loser" in the eyes of my peers. Even though I would be myself no matter what, it still hurt me deeply to not be accepted. I cared so much what these other people thought of me. Then, when I was around 14 I discovered alcohol...
The key to not caring what others thought. I could just be me, my loud, outgoing, weird self, and suddenly not feel any anxiety or even think about what the thoughts of others was. However, there was a huge downfall with this. I ended up doing things I wouldn't even normally do sober. I took it to the limit time and time again, and of course as you could imagine, it got me ostracized even more. And I did care what people thought still, just not that night, only the next day, or weeks, or months, even to this day I'm still haunted by some of my careless behaviours. My hurtful words and actions.
Finally when I was 26, after doing so much silly shit, and really jeopardizing my life and all the things that really mattered to me, I decided that was that. I bet no one in my life really thought I was serious, I mean, I am the party girl of all partiers. I MAKE parties anywhere I go. I LOVE to party and have fun, and I LOVED beer like a best friend. But, somehow, miraculously I was able to stay away. (Even though I was a bartender at the time, and I stayed in that job for years after). I found a vast reservoir of inner strength, and I tricked my brain, I would tell myself, "Ok Lyndsay, today you are not drinking, but tomorrow you can get absolutely shit-faced drunk!" I did this every single day for about a year. Finally I didn't need to have that inner talk anymore.
I created a new habit.
So much has changed in my life since quitting the drink. I woke up to the corruption of the world almost immediately. I started researching the truth about everything. I didn't feel like crap anymore in the mornings. I suddenly had no NEW regrets to stew and cry over. My music skills got better. I was a more kind and compassionate parent to my son Eddie, I had a tonne more patience!
On my 1 year anniversary of not drinking...a very amazing thing happened. I had my first music jam at my house, with my Now-Husband. We were in a band that got together just a couple weeks before that, and on June 25th, 2008 he came over, and it was just the two of us working on some songs. I looked back later and realized that was my gift from the Great Spirit...for conquering my demons.
Within another year and a half we had started dating. Soon after that he professed his love for me and asked if he could be Eddie's Dad. And soon after that we started trying to have more children. We had 2 more beautiful sons by late 2011.
Now, we have our family, we have beautiful gardens, and so many chickens, and want to raise even more animals. My life could never have turned out this way if I kept drinking!!! I am so grateful and thankful for that willpower I was blessed with in 2007 that led me to this beautiful life I/We are living.
Thanks for reading a piece of my heart. Much Love, and if you are struggling with alcohol, feel free to reach out to me, anytime! I'm here.
Love,
Lyndsay
Congrats, this is a really big achievement, i upvoted your post but i know this means alot more than an upvote as it is about yourself, your family, your life and everything. I am glad you have sustained so long and now 10 years.. It certainly not easy and congrats
Thank you so much @wilkinshui, I really appreciate your comment and your support, it hasn't been easy, yet, it does get easier over time, that's one big bonus!
Love this post! Followed and resteemed! Being happy, joyous, and free is the best gift recovery has given me. All others came as a result of recovery. I enjoy hearing stories like this . . . congrats on 10 years!! It's amazing how things come together once we put the "plug in the jug" haha
I've been starting to write about my past issues with substance abuse too. And I think it's wonderful that there are other people on Steemit doing the same! How awesome is it to meet your significant other after getting sober? I did too!
Fantastic testament to the gifts of sobriety. I look forward to reading more blog posts from you in the future. :)
Thank you so much for finding me @shawnfishbit, I am following you back, and am also interested in reading your success stories, how cool is that that we have such similar paths, I'm so glad you found love! I'm so glad you found the power to heal yourself. ***Goosebumps!!
Thank you so much for sharing this part of yourself. It's a very inspiring story that shows great strength. I too grew up with social awkwardness, crippling anxiety, and a yearning desire for the connection. The distortions of my ego led me to impose shame on my differences and seek approval when when surface approval wasn't even my true currency. With hindsight it is easy to see how foisting shame on my maverick streak, the part of me with a healthy disregard for the beaten path - forced that part of myself to express through the trapdoor of addiction to pleasure or numbness from a very young age. They exited the trapdoor with the force and vigour of pent up pressure being released through a small hole, and by as early as 6 years of age I had already discovered the dopamine rush of porn and the numbwash of alcohol. The secrecy only increased the pressure of release.
That was a roundabout way of telling you that I See You. Thank you for reclaiming the gifts of sensitivity and trailblazing tendencies - it is no accident of luck that you have them - for yourself and all of us.
Cheers!
Wow!! Thank YOU so much for sharing Yourself with me here, @cgburdett! I love the authenticity you just gave me. I feel like I have another kindred soul.... <3 <3 And that song was AMAZING!!! I LOVED it, never heard before, and I'm always longing for new music <3 <3 I'm so glad you didn't let the world change you, and instead, you are changing the world. <3
Thank you Lyndsay. I'm glad you liked the song, because it means you share the feels in some way! =]
Absolutely, we share very similar FEELS <3 <3 I'm glad we do!!
I'm actually listening to it again right now!
Thank you for sharing so openly. Your vulnerability inspires me greatly and your ripples travel far into space and time! Onward and upward!
Thank you for being here for me @foodisfree....really over the couple years I've known you, you've had such a positive impact on my life, and I always KNOW that you are "In my corner" I feel that so strongly...your love of humanity radiates, and your sense of justice always puts a big smile on my face!
Beautiful words. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! It is a great joy that we live in world where we can unite like never before knowing that we are not alone. The imagination is our greatest limitation and together, we can dream and do just about anything if we get creative. May Steemit be a platform that radiates peace and love far and wide through depths of space and time!
Yesssss!!!!!!! We're all HEALIN' IT @foodisfree!!!!!!! I feel so enthusiastic and a fresh wave of hope ever since you joined here!!
Thank you for sharing that! I'd love to get all the Food is Free Projects around the world to join Steemit. An open source project needs a decentralized platform, then they could use the funds they raise to spend on seeds, tools or garden materials. Maybe that would be a good solution to empowering people with seeds since it can be hard to mail them across borders.
Brilliant idea, this place, and the ideas with it, are the future. I totally see all the Food Is Free Projects joining.
Yes!
keep coming back! hugs.
Hugs back @pratikchordia!! <3 <3 <3 O <3 o <3 O xoxooxoxoxxoxo
Congratulation and that's a beautiful love story.
Awww!! Thank you so much for reading to the end and being happy for us @neikhrie :) :) :) :) I appreciate that!! xoxoxoxooxxo
Happy 10th re-birthday!
Congrats on your sobriety Girl!
Thank Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu so much ***Big SMILES @healthiswealth !! :D :D :D Hugs too!!
ty :) No thank you!
Your a great inspiration.
Wow, you are amazing and a new inspiration.
Thank you for feeling inspired @joshuapolries, that's really cool!!!
Way to go! Congratulations! Love your smile btw :)
Thank you @brunotreves, you have a very bright, shining smile yourself there!!
Awww! Thanks @lyndsaybowes :) :) :)
What a beautiful story. I might have teared up a bit at the part where your husband said he wanted to be a father to your child. Good fathers are as rare as gold in this world and good stepfathers are diamonds.
Congratulations on 10 wonderful years!
Wow, you are so right, now I'm tearing up a bit too, just knowing that your heart was touched by Brendan's love for my son Eddie. He really is sooooo cool and sooooo rare and the best StepDad (Eddie calls him Dad since that day) Ever!! Big Love for you @winstonalden! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Hey @lyndsaybowes! Thats one helluva milestone, inspiring to say the least. I'm coming up on 2 years on the 1st of July. My story is quite similar to yours in many ways, was never comfortable in my skin and so shy and socially inept. Then when drinking my inhibitions became my exhibitions and I would do the craziest shit and endanger myself and those around me. Its lovely to hear a success story like yours, thanks for sharing it & congratulations on 10 years! Upvoted + following.
Holy WOW!! The first couple years are the hardest, CONGRATS !! So many CONGRATS you are doing an incredible job staying so strong @hattorihanzo! I am heartened to hear that we share a similar history, it's always great to meet folks who really "innerstand" us hey?!! I'm following you too xoxooxoxoxxoxoxoxoxooxxo *Cheers with water <3 <3 <3 <3 (or coffee or whatnot) hahahaaha :) :)
Innerstand... LOL! Totally though :)
Thanks @lyndsaybowes xoxoxo
I got five years yesterday. Isn't great! Really.
Congratulations. I have up voted, will follow and re-steem your post.
All the love
T
Omg how special that our anniversary's are only a day apart!!!!! <3 <3 <3 I would really love to hear your story sometime, have you posted it, would you like to link me to it? I am following you now as well @tomash, and thank you for writing! So nice to meet another Survivor! Happy 5th dear!! xoxooxoxoxoxooxoxxoxooxoxoxoxoxooox You deserve all the happiness in the world!!
I don't think I have the courage to write it here yet. Something I will say here that i don't mention in meetings is that I went from partying with the children of billionaires at university to walking the streets looking for cigarette butts to smoke because of my illness.
God bless.
T
God Bless you too @thomash! Thank you for sharing some of your story with me, I do understand so much....sending you a huge hug my new friend!!
And what a beautiful turnaround it has been Si-star*****
Thank you so much dearest @ranjna :) :) xooxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxo
Congratulations @ lyndsaybowes - This post was one of the most shared posts on the web from the Steemit website during the past week. You were featured in my report, here.
Wow, really?? That's pretty coooooool :) :) Thanks for letting me know @trevorlyman!
Great story and testimony Lyndsay. Congratulations on your anniversary. Your life has been blessed since. It's amazing how things work out and how life improves when we remove negative things from our lives.
Thank you very much for the big thumb's up @steemtruth! :) :) Yep, it's never easy letting go of the things that bring false comfort, it's never easy to change familiar habits, however, the rewards, if we're patient enough, are AMAZING!
Very well said!