@arthur.grafo . Firstly, thank you for taking the time to respond to my work.
replying to your criticism:
I tagged it life because it is a situation that happened in my actual life. My two friends were trying to win the affection of the older woman's friend and she mistook their actions as flirtation directed at her. I felt this sad tale of a middle aged woman in a nightclub of predominantly younger people may resonate with situations others have experienced or saw. (I also tagged it with 4 other categories.)
Secondly, I am Irish and my first language is English. This style of writing was a direct homage to the great Irish writer Roddy Doyle, who's most famous work "the Barry Town Trilogy" follows a similar fashion of writing. The quotes are a Dublin accent. She did not say "come here to me." She said "C,mere to me." that is why I wrote it like that.
As for the jarring style of layout, it was a design choice I made and your feedback about the excessive spaces and new lines is appreciated. My draft on Google Docs does not include them. I thought it might work well given the format.
Again, thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my work, I was beginning to wonder if only bots were left on this site.
I would never object to something like this. The tag stuff, was only meant to be advice, as I hate seeing writers not being noticed.
Irish eh? Well that means you should not have any problems writing original stories - there is so much you could borrow for starting a story from your own culture. I hope you do - while it lasts.