I was born into a family where we respect cultural differences. That is one major reason why none of my siblings ( @trendyevents is the 9th and last of my parents children) and I who are married got wives or husbands from our ancestral home in Ujabhole-Uwessan, Edo State of Nigeria. My father's friends use to taunt him by calling him 'one Nigeria' 😃, because all his sons and daughters-in-law are from different states in Nigeria.
Marriage, The First Eye Opener 👁
Like my dad, I have 'ear for languages'. Having gone to college (University as we call it in Nigeria) in Eastern Nigeria for my undergraduate and graduate studies in Anambra and Enugu State, I was very naive to think that I understand the culture of the Igbo people.
Credit image: Pinterest
A few years before I completed my graduate studies (M.Sc. Medical Biochemustry) from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, I met Jude U. Onah and we got married in 2008 (10 years ago). The surname Onah is from Jude, since it is the general custom in Nigeria for a woman to bear her husband's name after marriage. My maiden name, Aburime, is typically Esan/Edo and both parents are from Esanland. A few years into my marriage, I began to understand in a difficult way that it is not just enough to understand, speak the language of others, eat their food, etc. Complete integration of another culture takes a long time. In my opinion, one might never really fully integrate. As shown in the image above, there are many aspects of culture; language and food are just a few of them.
Immigration, The Second Eye Opener 👁
I left home for graduate studies to pursue a doctoral degree in the Republic of Serbia. The first year was preparatory year to learn Serbian language /srpski jezik. Although, it was a very difficult language to learn and understand, I had no choice but to learn srpski. All lectures and almost all exams, except for 2 courses during my course work were taken in srpski. Of course, that is the language for instruction. After all these years of struggle in Serbia, my recent unpleasant experiences in the past months are pointers to the fact that it is not just enough to speak and understand the language of a people. Perhaps, it could take a decade (10 yrs) or more to integrate. Who has got that time to spend on studies?
Lessons Learnt
- There would be cultural conflicts, no matter how hard you try to avoid them.
- We should never believe that because we respect cultural differences, those with whom we relate would do same.
- Never think that because you speak the language of a people (different from your mother tongue) and have lived among them for several years you understand their culture.
Many thanks to all those who remembered me on my birthday (17th of April).
Original photoshot of me on my birthday
Of course big sis, cultural differences are always there. You won't believe that even when you marry from your place, family beliefs are different. Then when you go out of your country,mehnnnn, I give una hand cos I know it's not funny.
In some cultures, it is o.k for a child to be forcefed so that they don't get skinny while in other cultures, it isn't o.k for a child to be forcefed as this leads them eventually to hate eating. Both beliefs seem correct but it isn't easy to blend. I could go on and on enumerating differences cos they are endless
Hmm.. this is another important and specific side to culture that you've brought to the fore- family culture and values. Like you've stated and we all agree, it is not easy to blend/integrate, @trendyevents. Thanks for your invaluable contribution, my dear sister. Keep steemin'.
The difference makes us who we are. The only hope is to wish others will be more tolerant of the people from other culture, values and upbringing. It is only when that tolerance is not there that the lines that divide the various culture appear to more glaring with its unpleasant consequences.
Aha! I absolutely agree with you. Thank you for mentioning the word - Tolerance, which is usually absent when parties in a relationship become very selfish. The more selfless and considerate of the other party we are, the easier it would be to relate. Thank you for your time & amazing contribution, @greenrun.
Happy belated birthday Maryfavour. May the Lord grant your heart desires and make your year to be joyful all through. On this day, I appreciate your impact in helping people on this platform. Cheers.
It feels good to be appreciated for positively impacting lives. Thank you for the birthday wishes, @turpsy. Amen to your prayers for me 🙏.
Happy Belated Birthday Ma @maryfavour, I celebrate the strength and courage that you exude. Thanks for such valuable lessons put forward also, it's good to know that you are my 'kparakpor' person 😁💃
Thank you too for the commendation & all the good wishes @thelovejunkie 😃. Wow, I'm really glad to know that you are my 'kparakpor' person. The value you add to lives in the @air-clinic and beyond will always be rememberd. Keep saving lives.
Happy belated birthday ma. You have presented a very interesting post ma. May God continue to grant you wisdom ma
I believe in these lessons you mentioned above I mean this
Thanks, @peakreal. Glad to know that you understsand the lessons I've learnt from experience. Keep steemin'.
Our journeys during life are the synonym of what is called "cultures" and cultures is the true measure of any civilization
I agree, @samirbouazzoun. Thanks for stopping by.
You're welcome :-)
I love learning about different cultures. It sure does help in conversations, in relationships, to understand where they are coming from for sure.
Absolutey, @joeyarnoldvn! There needs to be that understanding of cultural differences between parties in the relationship, though.
Agreed.
Wow, my own UNN. That's interesting.
On acculturation, I think and as you rightly put that it doesn't just start or probably stop with learning a language or enjoying their dishes. It's something bigger than that. Think of your father- One Nigeria, this is a finger pointer to what may be regarded as learning a people. He's accommodating, unclad with the normal tribal clothes common in Nigeria and above all willing to allow her progeny do same.
Your Serbian experience is just an eye-opener! You may never learn to appreciate a people by just speaking their languages especially for formal purposes and not passion. The time and energy just deters you each time and the intended acculturation is defeated.
Happy belated birthday to you ma. Wishing you the very best life has to offer. As regards cultural integration I believe one has to let things flow naturally and to never be too expectant of people even though one has been tolerant and done the possible best to be integrated.
This post has received a 18.21 % upvote from @boomerang.
Срећан рођендан с малим закашњењем, драга моја @maryfavour. Добар текст, али… каква су то била „скорашња непријатна искуства“? Јеси ли налетела на неку будалу на улици, или ти је државна бирократија направила проблем?
Hvala na cestitku, dragi @lighteye.
Ne nije nista vezano sa budalama na ulici, nego drzavna birokracija i izazove na fakultetu. Neprijatna iskustva prvo sa nekim profesorima, sa advokatima koji nisu me dobro savetovali povodom boravkom i na kraju sam zavrsila u sudu. Advokate samo uzmu pare i ne znaju najnovije zakone. Razocarala sam u njima.
То је део пропасти правног система под хијерархијском матрицом, драга моја @maryfavour. Напустио сам адвокатуру јер је смисао нестао. Не можеш ни да замислиш колико је мене правосуђе разочарало… :(
Надам се да ћеш распетљати проблем. Јеси ли још увек у Београду?