My daughter had proudly announced that she was to be a 'Mummy.' But to what...?
I gazed in horror at the Little Lady as she stood beside her fish tank pointing inside at some little dots that were whizzing about.
See, Daddy? I'm going to be a Mummy!!
She leapt up and down with excitement.
I dragged myself over to the fish tank. This could not be, surely?
My mind wandered back to her birthday and the request she had made for an African snail.
When I had found out that they produced babies faster than I produce sperm and that one of my jobs as a Daddy would be to regularly boil hundreds of baby snails to death, I had said no.
Artwork by the ineffable @ryivhnn with a minor colouring from me
I didn't want to be killing things every five minutes? I had hoped those days were behind me.
I crouched beside my daughter at the fish tank.
How many are there??
I croaked.
Millions!! I can't count them there are so many!!!
She squeaked, her face pressed to the tepid glass.
I made that noise that horses make when they see that the Stable boy approaching with a brush in his hand has red hair.
How could this be? They had assured me in the shop that all the fish we had bought were male. To avoid precisely this sort of jazz happening.
I tried to count the little dots but there were too many. Her fish tank literally looked like a churning tank of oversized sperms.
Fuck, this needed a googling and fast.
How many babies does a guppy have
I typed.
When a guppy gives birth, the females will "drop" up to 200 baby guppies, called fry. They can give birth every 30 days or so...
I flumped down on the floor. 200 babies? Every fucking month?!?!
That was a lot of killing. I would literally be drowning in oily fish souls. Would my eyes turn black? Would that much reapage make me stronger, like in Highlander?
Was I capable of so much death?
Maybe I could spunk into the tank and my hardy sperms would do the killing for me?
The water in the tank seemed to heave to and fro with the volume of fish flesh thrashing about in it as if they could hear my jizzmatic thoughts.
My shoulders slumped. I couldn't escape my destiny. The Taker of Souls it had to be.
Looks like I had better buy another kettle.
I bought guppies by mistake and sold the babies to the pet store. Every thirty days! :) I'm rich!!! You know it!
!tip .20
Hahaha!! Maybe that's how I should play it!!!
If you're smart... or you can have fish Fridays... pretend you are Catholic
Hey Boom! Where did you run off to? Inquiring minds want to know!
Hahahah!! I took a time out! I had many things going on! And I couldn't be fucked all of a sudden. lol
Haha! I just posted a snarky comment about you getting a post going over at Ashers. I just thought maybe you got sick or something.
OMG! LOL You couldn't??? What a shame! ;)
Hahaha, I have missed the place. I have missed the people that is. You know what I mean!
I shall be over to look at this snarking and give it the back of my hand! :o)
I know what you mean. No big snark. I could never throw you under the bus like that. Your wit and charm are legendary... and hey! The back of your hand! Yikes. LOL
So shall I buy a fish tank then for my 9 year old? I don’t really have any room in the house... but on the other hand I am running out of ideas on what to do with them!
It's a great idea and they love them. For your own sanity's sale, make sure they are all male!!! :0)
The colouring added to the megalomania XD
Looks like they made their own food XD You theoretically won't have to do much of anything, the existing big guppies will merrily cannibalise the babies and you'll only end up with a few extra.
How many of your guppies are drab/plain/grey/minimal colouring on the tail and how many are flamboyant LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEE brightly coloured? If the latter vastly outnumber the former you should be fine, if it's the other way round you might be in trouble XD
There is only one drab one and the rest are all jazzy orange tailed or electric blue tailed ones. I presume the drab is the female?
Damn that sounds harsh, lol!
The drab one should be the female. Sometimes it's hard to tell with guppies XD I usually go by the body proportions, the males tend to have pretty straight bodies with gigantic fanfare tails and are usually but not always smaller than the females. The females tend to have less dramatic colours and smaller rounder tail fins and fat bellies.
Or at least that's how the ones back home seem to work XD Haven't had guppies here but they look pretty much the same from the shops I've seen them in.
It does seem harsh to our soft some semblance of civilised selves but that's how fish roll >_>
That sounds about right!
I might get some crayfish. That would bloody learn them :0D
ah, not toads then... you are a guppy grandad, how cute
Thats right, not as slimey as I first suspected I might be!
imagine that expression on your daughter face when you crounched
I can see it in my minds eye!
Learn more.This post earned a total payout of 0.038$ and 0.019$ worth of author reward that was liquified using @likwid.
What a relief! . It was not your boss's jerk, although you must return to work to be able to buy many 200 guppies fish tanks every thirty days you will need many recipes
I wish you a prosperous afternoon dear friend @meesterboom
I will need to big a deep hole in the garden and put them all in it, gangster style!
I have potential good news for you. Guppies will eat their fry, so the adults may very well sort this problem our for you. You may have some survive to adulthood if they have things to hide behind, though.
Damn. There's quite a lot to hide behind. She went to town on the inside when we got the tank. That would be handy if there was some cannibalism right enough. How do you tell which one is the bloody female?
Usually the female is the drab/plain looking one, with the smaller trail. The males generally have bigger, prettier tails. If I remember correctly the female is a bit bigger too.
Damn. Yeah, there is one like that. The annoying thing is that we got all these extravagant colorful tailed ones and when we got home we noticed a tiny dot of a fish we got in with them 'for free' or so we thought. It grew into exactly what you are describing!! Gaaaar!
Undercover agent!
Lol!
Alright....my offshore fishing expertise should be useful for such a situation.
But before I can offer any help, I need to know.
Was it the hairbrush that had red hair stuck in it or was the stable boy red headed? And why don't horses like gingers?
The stable boy would be of the redheaded variety. Why horses don't like gingers... I have no idea, perhaps it's genetic something!
Offshore fishing expertise eh, that sounds handy!
Ok so the superstition is that if you eat the heart of your catch, it makes you stronger. Now all you have to do is.... 🤣
I will eat all of the hearts!!!
Oh, my word! Guppies! The worst nightmare a parent can have. How to rid the tank of hundreds of fry and not have the kids notice, which of course they do. Our last tank had an unfortunate accident (cat went on a fishing expedition and tipped the tank on to the floor). I didn't quite believe it, but hubby was suspiciously mum on the subject. Kids still wanted a tank so the next option was buying two smaller tanks and having Siamese fighting fish.
I might have to buy some kind of fish fighting machine to kill all of the guppies by accident
It's a true tragedy. There are loads, I don't even know if I can clean the tank now cos I would sook them all up!!
You struck oil! Just mash them up, bottle it, sell it as supplements! This is a great day. You're gonna be rich!
I thought it had to be snake oil!!! :0D
Oil isn't just for snakes anymore!
And you can slap the word 'organic' on there and charge double!
It's that why my organic tea costs so much. Goddamit!!!
Yup. ~nods proudly~
Damn you organics!
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damn, you are never done, now @arcange wants you to make another 1000 comments... tsss
He he, raising the bar. Did you hear about the myth of Sisyphus? 😂
This is indeed an interesting read and I must confess that you're a great story teller.
Cheers, I try my best :O)
Stick in a few larger fish, they will eat them... i don't every want to be a fish ....
I worry they will eat the real fish too. It's a grim day!!
We have 2 tanks, hubby's hobby not mine. Being a fish is grim
It sounds it. There is talk of is getting another tank, sigh
We have had 4 at once a few years ago, all his hobby, tropical and marine , to much work for me :)
Oh that is an easy one (perhaps). There are a lot of fish that just love to eat the fry. Not sure how the daughter might take seeing some large fish gorging on the tiny babies, but it is an idea :D You dont have to be the Taker of Souls, just pass the buck!
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