For God's sake, FOLLOW THE ARROWS!?!
A voice yelled in frustration nearby.
I chuckled to myself. What the fuck. Was someone playing an adventure game? In a Supermarket. How daft.
You think it's fucking FUNNY!?!
Yelled the voice.
Oh dear. Sounded like an older person. Maybe someone's grandpappy was giving them a row about not concentrating on their social distancing.
It was a tricky thing to navigate this whole social distancing malarkey. It is now patently obvious how many people struggle with basic concepts of length.
Which goes a long way to explaining why a lot of women are shocked when they finally see their partners penis and far from being Manaconda they have boasted of, it's more of a two-inch bob.
I cheerily threw the tin of tuna I was holding into my basket and moved on down the aisle.
Seriously!? SERIOUSLY?! FOLLOW THE ARROWS or I WILL call the POLICE ON YOU!
The voice roared like a mighty Dinosaur with its penis caught in a tree.
This was getting too good to be true. I looked up from my shopping nonsense to see who was getting in trouble.
A couple of meters away from me was a man in his late fifties. He had spectacular hair that stuck up and out in many directions as if he had literally just been birthed out a giant vagina and his hair was all matted with the juicy clob from within.
He was bright red with rage and looked as if he was about to collapse and die.
Oddly, he was also looking directly at me.
What makes you so FUCKING SPECIAL?!
He spat out furiously as if he had eaten some poorly cured jerky.
I cast a quick look over my shoulder.
Oddly enough, there was no one behind me.
I made a vibrating farty humming noise with my lips and cocked my head to the side as if one of those dogs that looks like a monkey was pacing around me licking its lips.
Eh, you alright, mate?
I ventured, picking up a jar of olives in case he was a Glasgow loon-ball that needed taking down quickly.
Am I..? AM I ALRIGHT?! I WILL BE ALRIGHT IF YOU FOLLOW THE FUCKING ARROWS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?!
He pointed a big beefy finger at me and I flinched at the idea of his poor wife on her wedding night taking one of them for the team.
I looked down at the floor and realised there were a series of arrows pointing which way you should be walking in. I had been going against the flow for several aisles.
That's right, those arrows, you see them? Want to start fucking following them?!
Bellowed Vagina-Head his big ham hock of a finger still poking in my direction like the wrong end of a horse's cock.
I realised I had been in the wrong and it was probably best to apologise or at least mumble something that sounded like an apology and scarper.
Yes, an apology was probably best.
Bugger.
I looked straight into Vagina-Head's eyes.
Stick your arrows up your ARSE.
I flapped my arms furiously and clucked like a mad chicken and sauntered casually away making sure to walk against the direction of the arrows.
You are such a rule breaker!!! Could you go shopping for me? You have all the moves and the mouth. I just let a tear roll down my cheek when some meanie yelled at me for going the wrong way.
He yelled at me after I worked all night and was coming home... Boo!
!tip .20
Aw man. It's outrageous. I find it hard to believe that because of all of this Corona nonsense that people have decided to become rude bastards!
I know, right? I just need to grow a pair and yell back. Ummm, maybe tomorrow. ;)
Just sweep some tins of the nearest shelf into the floor whilst maintaining eye contact and making a face ;0)
You really are a naughty boy hahaha
Lol. It takes effort!
I don't know i think it comes very easily to you hahah :)
I consider it a gift! :OD
Haha thought you would :)
It has served me well! :0)
I wear my darth vader mask. Everyone leaves me alone.
Haha, aye, that would help!!
This lockdown is starting to make people crazy and it as if some people just keep on going to the shop and here a lot of people are just ignoring the lockdown - sounds like we are going to be kept in for longer - I see a lot of problems coming because people are without jobs and money. This virus is truly taking its toll.
It is and in the midst unexpected of ways. I see people here complaining that they can't gather in the parks cos it's sunny and it's like , oh come on!!
Just such a nice apology ... but did the head explode and spread his arrow minded virus all over the place ? I just wondered ..
Well thks for my daily laugh attack .. feels match better now . :-)
If there is one thing in life I can be said to excel at, it's an apology!! ;0D
Following the arrows will save us all!!
I especially like the way the supermarkets close all the entrances down to one and funnel you into a bottleneck that puts you closer to others than you were ever comfortable before the pandemic.
The South Aussies are actually a pretty laid back bunch and hardly anyone bothers with the arrows when there are few people there. It only seems to come into force when it's really busy. Vagina head would have an aneurysm here! 🤣
Haha, I bet he would. I noticed that too. Instead of keeping two bits open, one for entrance and the other for exit. They are making us go in one tiny entrance do we all get smidged together!! I've never been so close to my fellow shoppers!!
Some of my fellow shoppers don't like to wash as well. It's bad enough when they're at a distance, but standing next to them in line as you go around the shops!! Count me out! yes, I live in the low class burbs...
Lol. I don't live in much fancier. The lack of washing had been noted by myself!
The social distancing thing annoys me too but at least it makes sense, I nearly got arrested for sunbathing in an empty field the other day... o_0
There have been some park crackdowns over here too. I have now learned to look for arrows!!
Hehe, I noticed them yesterday in my local Tesco... after going the wrong way. I just kept going, rules are made to be broken right!
It was Tesco I was in! Nobody said anything about arrows it was compete news to me!!
Me neither, I simply spotted them and thought, oh oh.., if you miss something you can't go in reverse? Fuck that!
In mine they are laid out in what looks like the exact opposite from the way I shop. I was like, fuck this!
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Well. It's not really because of that now is it.
But fine, knock yourself out
Hahahaahh I laughed out loud!
Lol. Me too!
I noticed halfway through my last supermarket trip that I, too, had been ignoring the stupid arrows at the ends of the aisles. No Karens berated me, though. It wasn't even crowded enough to matter, not that such trivial matters of reality interfere with a Karen tantrum. But I have seen people on Facebook piss and moan about people daring even to pass them in a one-way aisle. While they fumble about weighing prices between cans of stewed tomatoes or whatever, their fat ass entitles them to hold up everyone else.
I had to stop looking at Facebook. There is a particular group I am in for my area and I was astonished at how everyone in it had become Karen!