Daddy-Bear, can you help me with my button?
The Good Lady called from the bedroom.
Button?! my ears perked up and my one-eyed salamander huffed softly in its slumber.
I flew into the bedroom like one of those runners with the metal ski-feet. I knew what helping with a button meant. Oh yes indeed, it looked like it was time to hide the purple monkey.
I stopped dead.
The Good Lady was standing before me with a new dress on. Her arms were all contorted up around her neck and she looked for all the world like a bewildered Octopus.
Not quite the sexy sexy vibe I was expecting.
Madame wished for some help with her... button?
I stood slightly sidewards in a way that I hope emphasised my Silent Bob.
The Good Lady stopped wrestling with her dress and shot me a look.
Not that kind of button you mad diddy. The button on this dress, I can't quite reach it. It's the new one that arrived yesterday and am trying it on.
She turned her back to me and presented her button.
Sadly, it truly was the button on her dress up at her neck. With a sad chuffing noise, I moved in and deftly fastened her up.
The Good Lady turned and frowned, shoogling her shoulders back and forth.
Hmmph. That's annoying.
She grumbled, swinging her upper arms about as if wading through heavy water.
What is? It looks very fetching on you?
I said with a flirty tip of the head.
This...
She writhed around a bit.
It fits really well everywhere except round my ribs. It feels too tight there. Bugger, I will have to send it back.
She sighed.
Is it definitely the right size?
I asked, throwing my gargantuan intellect into the fray.
The Good Lady flared her nostrils and gave me a jaggy look.
I think I know my own size Daddy-Bear, thank you very much. It is definitely the right size but I think it must be the way it is made, it fits perfectly everywhere except around my ribs and its not as if I have fat around my ribs. So, it is just badly made I think.
She started to turn, lifting her hair so I could get the button.
Back fat.
I said matter of factly.
She halted and slowly turned back to face me, her face was a weird flushed colour, like what I imagine puce to be even though I have literally no idea what puce is.
What. Did. You. Say?
She gritted out through suddenly vicious-looking teeth.
Back fat. See, it's simple. You are right, of course you don't get fat on your ribs. So it's back fat. That's all.
I smiled brightly, like a fool walking a labrador that has just eaten another dog's shit
Pardon?
Her eyes sparked like fire in a blackened pot.
Back fat!
I reached out a hand to poke at her back which was swiftly batted away.
Daddy-Bear, you know the help I needed with the button?
The Good Lady placed a hand on my chest and started nudging me toward the door.
Yes?
She got me to the door and gave me a decisive shove outward.
You won't have to worry about helping with my button for a very long time.
She closed the door.
Oops
O my goodness, How slow you are to learn sometimes..... and with two words the purple monkey is locked up, nevermind hidden.
I thought I was being quite clever and deductive! Lol, I was actually being a daftie. Oh well, never mind!
If a women says 'Pardon' very slowly, it does not mean repeat yourself......
Hehehe, the only thing slow I guess was me, on the uptake!
hahahaha!!! Oops indeed! lol! Best you do some serious sucking up after that faux pas LOL
I am a master of that as well as getting myself into a predicament! :OD
Just as well! lol - good luck with damage control haha!!!
Damages control relatively achieved, we are talking about the important stuff now, like wine tonight!
Excellent! Happy to hear it :D Enjoy the wine! I actually had my first proper (ie. not three sips size) glass of wine in... I don't know how long actually... really enjoyed it but damn my threshold has lowered haha! Time for a cup of tea and me bed!
It's amazing how quickly the threshold lowers! You will regain your superpowers in no time! :OD
hahaha... perhaps I shouldn't LOL :D
What part of the word fat sounded good to you? Perhaps when you get your foot out of your mouth, you can manage to fix her button.
I adore you, Boom, but, you are such a man sometimes. :)
Next time, think with your instincts instead of your head. It makes your brain weak.
Upped and Steemed
!tip
Hahahahah, thats the thing, sometimes I think I am being clever and I am actually being th eopposite. Lol, it was classic daftness.
Must think with instinct!!!
Oops! Perhaps not! What waa I thinking?
I said I wouldn't read this to my wife but I relented. She always laughs at your stuff and this wasn't any difference...Although, she followed the laugh up with, idiot. You, not me. Haha!
She is bang on right. Even I struggle to believe how stupid I was that I had analysed the problem and kept banging on!!
Faith always gets a good laugh out of your posts. I read about 50% of them to her and she loves it. She has not failed to laugh out loud yet.
Ever more evidence of that lady's fine taste!! :0)
Well, she chose the G-dog to spend her life with...So, yeah...Good taste I'd say. :)
boomie! never ever use that 3-letter word! Just no! NEVER!
( I will say, tho, that having babies DOES expand the rib cage. But....not sure you should mention that either ;0)
I will never mention that word nor what you have just mentioned. I have learned a hard lesson. Lol!!! :0)
definitely a hard line of thought that is hard to navigate. Even if my husband says "have you lost weight?" that can be a no-no cuz I probably haven't, lol. It's the same with "DId you get a haircut?" and it's like "NO! I got a haircut like over a month ago!" Even "honey, you look terrific" can back fire ;0))
I know that. It's all a minefield! Normally I like to think I am skilled at navigating it but other times I am an absolute pie, lol!
I think it means vagina in Southern Italian dialect...??? Pronounced POO-Chey, but I could be wrong...
It is a deep red color
I getcha. If that is what it seems then that is what it is!
Lmfao.. just be grateful you didn't refer to it as bacon 😂🍺 !BEER
Back bacon!!! I would be dead!! :0)
I doubt there'd be any death.. but also no button
And that, as well all know is worse than death!
Silent bob could well be unemployed for a little while as the foamy beer seems to have gone to the other head today - big mistake meesterboom!
My head is cloudy dammit!! My usual quick wittedness is missing, yeek!!! :0D
I guess that means the little Booms have to wait a little longer for a another cute brother or sister ...
Or was it for that reason on purpose? lol.
Lolz, they world have to wait forever for that. My sanity couldn't take another!!! Maybe it's my subconscious defending me :0D
Hahaha. Right!
Besides that, with all of those horny snails the house will soon be overcrowded anyway ....
It's fish!! The plan has changed!! Fish all the way!!!
Had some (reading)catching up to do. But just read it.
Good choice!
Fish, much more tasteful. :-)
Colourful, tasteful, non creepy. I'm all in!!
Who knows a zipper will help. Thank you for the great read and good laugh.
😁💕
You're welcome! I think a zip might be the best choice in future!!!
!ENGAGE 20
It covers up the back fat better... Unless it is stuck between the zipper. 🤐 Thank you for the engage/gift. 💕
Ow is os, I'm flocking at the thought of a zip catching!!!!
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Ha..., you better hope she doesn't read this one... I see the back fat every day!
Haha, I am gonna show her, once the heat has died down a tad!!
Do you really think that wise? The 'do I look fat in this?' is a routine question!
You have to answer in the same way every time regardless of opinion.
Hehe, i know, I know.
She has a remarkable sense of humour though, I reckon tomorrow she will giggle. I can't make it any worse, lol!!
Hahah that’s why I’m a VELCRO man!!!😂
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It does do the job! :O)
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Fuck it man, I thought you were smarter than that...One never mentions such things. You're still my hero but dang it man, you said back fat out loud and within earshot of the good lady?
I'll not be reading this one to my wife in case my own good lady punishes me for your comment. Lol.
Oh man, I said it. It's like something was speaking through me. I couldn't stop even though a part of me was screaming, you fool!!!!
Fortunately she is laughing now, might be the wine but hey, whatever works!
Haha, more wine more wine...It could be button time after all!
Don't tell her I said that. Lol.
Haha, I couldn't say because then there would definitely be none!! Lol
Lol
Good luck my friend.
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