Hey Daddy, can you help me put together this toy from Uncle D?
The Little Boom yelled as he ran into the living room dragging a big yellow box.
I rolled my eyes good-naturedly. Can I help assemble something? Pah! Of course I could, I was the fucking god of assembling. I could literally eat plastic blocks and shit out a Lego Technic Supercar.
Yeah dude, of course I can. Hur hur hur.
I chortled like a handsome young Jabba the Hut tugging on Princess Leia's chain. The Little Boom walloped the box of whatever nonsense onto the table and grinned at me. Can we do it just now, Daddy? He beamed, eyes alive with pride at his Daddy, the once and future King. No bother little guy. Daddy was made for this shizzle. I picked up the box with a knowing smile which rapidly slid off my face like hot mozzarella from a deep-dish pizza. Stir my shit with a spoon, what in the bloody fuck was this? Tobbie the Self-Guiding AI Robot - Build Your Own DIY STEM Kit This wasn't Lego? This was another beast entirely? Construct your own AI robot? I had enough trouble with the AI bots on Hive? In the words of Leonidas himself, This was not Sparta. I hefted the box up and looked at the back to see if it had any reassuring words for me. It didn't. It did at least say that it was fine for 8 years and up. That was a bonus surely? Can we then, Daddy, can we get building? The Little Boom vibrated giddily like a BEKO washing machine set to kill. Um, yeah. Sure. What time is it? Just gone 12. Aye, we will be done in an hour. I lied like a motherfunker and opened the box which I had a gnarly feeling was also to be my tombstone. It was worse than I feared and I had feared that at some point I had died and gone to hell. But this was worse than hell, there were about 5 million parts each of them tiny little footery things which my sad old eyes struggled to focus on. Oh well, surely the instructions would help me out... Sweet Kiwi's testicles? The instructions were more convoluted than a Blurt content creator's toilet arrangements. And wires? Who the fuck invented wires? Surely the world would be a better place without fucking wires? I wasn't built to wire things? Surely there were men in those weird two-tone cargo pants for that? Maybe coffee would help? Cogs. Fucking cogs. Why would an AI murder bot need cogs? I thought they operated on dream-juice or something? And this? Was this its brain? I'm not a fucking surgeon? What did I ever do to the Robots to deserve this? Unless... Maybe I was the one that ultimately destroys the AI overlords in the future and they have sent this thing back in time to murder me by making my eyes itch? Well, let's have a look at you, oh nemesis of mine. Daddy, is it ready yet! The Little Boom yelled for the tenteenth time. Fucking shut it you little bastard. Fortunately, I held my teeth firmly gritted so that he just heard a grumpy mumbling. Right head done. Now, how many fucking legs does a robotic velociraptor need? OH MY FUCKING GOD. WHO THOUGHT IT WAS OK TO PUT THAT IN THE INSTRUCTIONS?! At this point, I decided to let go of the tender gossamer threads of life and let myself float up and beyond the veil. I told all my friends you can build anything. The Little Boom's voice echoed from far far away and with a jerk I pulled myself back into the quivering lump that was my body. Course I can dude. I shook myself down and decided to just fucking get on building the octo-creature of doom. And just like that... It was done! Tremulously I switched it on. It was alive!!!! As I watched it investigate my house I only had one thought. Fuck you Skynet, I'm ready.
not a euphemism..... OR IS IT!!! HUR HUR HUR!!
It didn't. It just made me want to despair pee.
Hur Hur Hur!....famous last words LOL
I am well familiar with the 'despair pee' events....I thought it was only me lmao
Honestly, that is the cutest, most awesome thing, though!! You did a great job and made the Little Boom a happy man. A manual that big with that much detail would have slayed in half a lesser man, so good on you!! You have saved your reputation in the eyes of Little Boom and his henchmen :D
A despair pee is increasingly common in this hell world we are living in!!! 🤣🤣
I am quite proud of it even though I think a kid is meant to be able to do it. It would be a bloody genius kids that managed the leg madness right though!!
Can handle the despair pee, but when it comes to the despair shit we will truly be in a hell world😂.
I don't know too many kids who wouldn't get overly frustrated trying to figure that one out. It may wind up scattered across the room in an unfortunate 'accident'.
Lol, I think no one is ready for the despair shits! It's her enough to have the don't give a fuck no more shits that old people get 🤣🤣
I suspect there is a reason that this thing ain't that popular. I had never heard of it before!
Well I can't wait to hear of it's exploits once it get's put through it's paces.
I'm there...with the 'don't give a fuck no more' shits🤣
Hehe, then you have reached the end level!!! Lol
kekeke...'end' level lol
How dare you deprive Uncle D the fun of putting together his own toy???
I love putting stuff together seriously.
It's right cute too. Now, what else does it do?
Ever since they were born Uncle D has been the bane of my life in buying them utterly complicated things to construct. Normally it is lego or Playmobil and I just help as they do a decent bit of it but this took the biscuit!
It does fuck all except wander about attempting not to bump into things. Its meant to be able to follow a human about but loses interest really quickly, LOL!
Dar she blows with botty bot on the go!
Well done Meester... First laugh of the week!
@tipu curate
Cheers milady! I thought my computer was going to break with all the images!! lol
Never doubt the computer, busy taking a double take on all the parts and hickey do dah instructions.... insane toy for a boy!
It was an awful thing to build. Mostly because my eyes hurt when I have to focus on little piddly bits and screws and whatnot! I wont be encouraging any of this STEM malarkey anymore! lol
That's top work! Hope you're not actually going to let junior play with it now or the next shout will be; "Daaaaaaad, I stood on it!" Quickly remove the batteries before the AI figures out how to create a Hive account and starts spamming us articles about shag pile carpets!
Coincidence there's some quality plaster work on your hand and a seriously awesome looking multi-tool on the table? Hope the guitar playing isn't affected. On a precautionary note, the guy who played the insanely brilliant sax solo on Hazel O'Conner's 'Will You', Wesley Magoogan, lost his fingers in a circular saw accident in the late 90s and was unable to ever play again. It is alleged he was building a toy robot for his little boy...
Be careful ;-)
Hehe, can you imagine if every AI post writer had a bot like this behind it. Might make it more acceptable!
That would be my Skeletool, a leatherman doodah, I do like it although it looks better than it is, but it does have the advantage of being the sharpest thing in existence!
I shall be careful of them circular saws when building these damn things! :OD
Haha, how do you know BEKO? It is a Turkish brand :)
Is it really? Hehe, they still them here and they are quite cheap but they are always shit!! 🤣🤣
I used a BEKO brand washing machine for 20 years :)
You must have got one of the earlies!! Hehe, on saying that, I had one for ages too. It wasn't very good but it did last. Noisey fecker it was!!
But at the end of the fucking time, you were able to figure it out, that's what fucking matters 😁
Thats what it is all about!! :OD
Haha that's pretty cool looking. It's funny how the parent always ends up putting the thing together. The instructions do look confusing as F
The instructions were absolutely nightmarish. Made the worst furniture instructions look like a piece of cake!
That last bit with the legs was just feindish! ButI am kinda proud of it now :OD
It looks very difficult for an 8 year old that's for sure
I wonder if they mean it is fit for them to play with. Kinda rui ns the whole STEM aspect of it if they arent meant to build it!
Yes that's true. Good point
Ah, my patience would quickly be gone already! Congrats on figuring out how to build that in the end, lol
My patience was gone after opening the box at the very beginning! :OD
If its eyes turn red, that means it became evil. Keep a large hammer on hand just in case.
My hammer is rarely far from my hand, makes toileting a bit stressful if I swipe with the wrong hand :OD
OH MY GOD!
Those were the only words going through my head as I read this post!!!!!!!!!
The photos ....... The posts made my heart stop? skip? beating as each and everyone got worse and worse to look at! HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Those legs ...............I'm very sorry, but I laughed so hard I think I shattered a window.
Bravo!!!!
You deserve this!
Hehe, the best ever dad title might not have been so apparent during the build as I cursed like a pirate 🤣🤣
All under my breath and through gritted teeth of course!
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
I was just happy to see it really worked when you were done!! :D
I still get nightmares of building an Erector Set race track for my son with loop-de-loops. The worst part was after it was built, it took up my whole living room and I didn't have the heart to tell him to take it down LOLL
I have been there, we had done manner of loop the loop rage set and it took up all the space in the living room too and we had to slip around it for weeks!!
The sooner he gets into computers and stuff the better 🤣🤣
Hey Daddy, can you help me put together this toy from Uncle D?
At first I thought I had made it into the family. I'm like, wow Look at that Uncle D.. but then I realized, wait. I didn't send anybody a toy. That's not my type of gift. I'm more likely to send a twelve gauge shotgun as some AI robot..
As for the screaming, squealing annoying child... maybe this will help..
I am sure a 12 gauge would be a fine thing... and require less assembling! :OD
One day you will get in Uncle D! heheh!
I wonder what cats will think/do to this thing?
I don't think it would end well for the robot, it's surprisingly fragile!
I want these type of problems in life xD
Such terrible woes can break a man! :OD
This is really actually kind of cool!!
Now I want one 😅😅
It is cool! It can sense heat and obstacles and crab walks it's way around them!!
Are you serious? 8 plus?! 😂 I mean, I’m good with Lego, but this looks freaking complicated 😂
I was horrified by the difficulty. And the loss of an afternoon building it!!
We're way past the point of 'junior' wanting my help with such things. He recently built the big Lego Millennium Falcon and I didn't get a look-in :(
We didn't have stuff like this a few years back. I'm jealous.
I am longoing for the days when I am at most an advisory presence or can just watch. I must say the little thing was quite cool once it was done. Someone needs to speak to them about their instructions tho!
I just had fun laughing all through as I read your narrative. 😂🤣🤣🤣
That a wonderful robot you built there
I am hoping that I dont wake up one night to find its flashing blue eyes winking above me! :OD
😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Very scary
Oh yes, I am not ready for a robot lover, LOL!
Soooo what had you done to Uncle D to make him decide to torture you this way? Just asking....
I have obviously offended him with my devilishly good looks! :OD
#hive #posh
Hi @meesterboom,Thank you very much for your support. There is a reason for NOT coming to your posts, I do NOT have voting power, but I am working on this, I do NOT forget you, and I am very grateful to you. A hug
Always a big hug dude 😃