There has been quite the influx of new users and old returners to the platform recently and I thought this a fine time to go over some Crypto Trading fundamentals to anyone old or new who fancied dipping their toes into the often murky waters of Crypto Trading.
As always the main thing is to be your own person and only gamble, ahem trade with what you can afford to lose. This guide, although almost guaranteed to make you rich should not be followed blindly and the user should be aware of the risks of listening to anybody with a username that has the word boom in it.
So you have an account on Bittrex or Poloniex. You have so far been careful, selling for BTC and funneling away the proceeds into your back bin
This is admirable and if you have any aversion to risk you should scuttle clear of the awesome knowledge imparted below, lest it clouds your judgement and causes you to go all in and end up poking the bear
You use these exchanges but all the while you read accounts by what at first seem like ordinary people making a killing by trading. How can you leverage this information and become like one of these ordinary yet extraordinary superhero's?
Well wonder no more. From under my metaphorical skirts I shall impart the secret wisdoms, tips and tricks of these gods amongst men.
So here goes. I hope you are wearing some stout running wear.
1. Dress like a Trader.
A seemingly innocous one. But to be a successful crypto trader you have to be a successful crypto trader. The very first step you can take is to start with what you are wearing. A hat is a vital part of this. Find a hat and wear it. Not just any old hat either, a hat with a broad brim is essential. Don't just stick it on your head either. It is imperative that you wear this hat at a rakish angle. For the uninitiated that means tilting it forward over your eyes and slightly to the side.
2. Focus.
This is crucial. Do you have a partner? Kids? Lose them. They detract from your focus. From now on you must be a hat wearing loner. Free your mind of distractions such as what will we have for dinner tonight or I think Leopold needs a new pair of shoes.
Enough! Leopold will have to fend for himself on the tough streets of knowledge
3. Define your trading space.
So, you are wearing your hat. You have thrown out the family. Now you need a trading space. Clear a room. Drag your rig into the centre whether that be a laptop or a gargantuan desktop PC and draw the curtains. Leave yourself a chair and a desk or some kind of leaning apparatus.
4. The Cleansing Fire
You have made your space. Now you must ready yourself for the trading floor. Using the pareto principle (look it up) you must now know that 80% of your clothing is useless to you now. Take it somewhere and burn it. Observe the flames sardonically from under the brim of your hat. Breathe the smoke deep.
See your old self in the flames
5. Ready your Trading Space
Kit out your station with a couple of essentials. I would recommend something lucky. A rabbits foot perhaps or a dice with all of the faces scratched out except for the number 6.
Oh yes, and a big box of tissues. These will be your crutch in good times or bad. When you lose big on a trade you might find that in a bizarre moment of weakness you shed a tear at having lost the house in which you live. Mop up these unmanly tears with your tissues. Of course it could go the other way. You could Go Big on a trade and it moons, in that case you will need the tissues to mop up other excitedly issued fluids.
6. Caffeine is the new food
That's right. Easy peasy. Don't eat. At least not intentionally, if you feel the need to eat, then have two coffees. Everytime. Go easy on the cream though.
7. Be good to those on the way up
We have all heard that saying. It goes double in Crypto. Recently I passed a homeless man ravaged with hunger mewling pitifully for some spare coin. With my great heart I found it no problem to lean in close and whisper 'New Economy Movement.' It cost nothing and I am sure it won me another lifelong admirer.
8. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.
Call one of your enemies, you don't have any? Make some. Then call one up and calmly explain you are going long on Monero. When they ask what the hell you are talking about tell them the first tip is free and hang up.
This generates mystique and can only enhance your reputation as a Master Trader
9. Charts are your friend.
Charts are useful to a trader. Do not however plan out any of your trades based on charts. All of your trades should be based on your gut. If you don't feel it, dont trade it. Regardless of what the experts say.
Instead, print off as many charts as you can and scrawl incomprehensible lines on them and strange words. Any of the following will do - Bearish! / Support line tested / Going full polka / Done my pie in / Long Spoon. Pin these on the walls surrounding your trading station. Scatter some on the floor too.
Wow, what know-how you are sharing with us all! This is precious words in our times and on this platform right now. Thanks a bunch for sharing and namaste :)
It's a pleasure to part with these closely guarded secrets. No more hidden goings behind closed doors!!!
hahahah
how? hahahha
i didn't know that trading and making enemies go hand in hand
You can't be a good trader without some good enemies!! ;0)
STEEM ( come) TOGETHER, there's better outcomes in numbers.
STEEM on.
1 By 1.
?!?!?!
NO enemies ALOUD...
THIS is a VERY POSITIVE STEEM (community).
POSITIVE thoughts and NEVER let anything or ANYONE ruin YOUR day. STEEM ( switch) it up FRIEND.
Helping Others To Help (others) 1 By 1.
STEEM on.
Following
Empowering everyone to empower all of us, not only a few. AWESOME! All for one and one for all! Namaste :)
Hehe, yes indeed! Namaste my friend!
I followed all your great tips except for the hat and I already only lost $700.00 so far! That's somewhat odd, because we haven't started trading yet, but still, this tutorial is the bees knees and the cat's meow!
You are obviously a true student of the way!! Just wait till you see the losses when we begin proper!!
I can't wait!
We must be forged anew before the big wins!!
I dunno, it's best am told to be wary of anything under men's kilt ;)
We will even have to lose the kilts!!
Must it? lolsss
Well ok then, maybe we can keep the kilts! ;0)
Ahaha keep the kilts! keep the kilts!
They are on! I swear!!!
Hey if you say so @meesterboom ;)
Welp, I'm f**cked.
I don't wear a hat, I'm not a loner, I ingest minimal caffeine, and have no idea what Monero is.
I have to thank you for this, because it's shown me the light. I now know what I've been doing wrong, and have a clear path to improvement.
Hats off to you sir (just as soon as I find one to wear.)
Get that hat, there will be no crypto joy without it! :0D
lol 🤣
Hello my friend
It's good to see this wonderful post
I have looked for more knowledge
Thank you so much my friend
I hope it's of good use to you!! ;0D
If there is going to be a next time trading for me, then this is going to be my handbook! (The hat, of course... I knew I had forgotten the first rule...)
Of course and the first rule is always the most important!! I hope this guide brings you much success mate!! ;0)
It is like the prime directive of crypto trading, I now shall remember! :-)
Thanks Mate, all the best of luck to you also, I will pay close attention during the rest of the course.
Haha!! Yer a champ mucker!! Make it so!!!
;-)
So glad you started this ! I am so thankful! Bookmarked and I am working to get the right outfit 👙👙👙 😜😜👙because it seems I'm a Born trader and didn't even know it ☕️🙀
The right outfit is all you need and you are on your way!! :0D
Hehehe the bikini 👙 icon doesn't show
haha. you already look like a trader!!
Hahha oh well oh well , not yet
Cowboy hats okay?
Oh yes indeed, in fact you could say that that would be perfect!!
Yes....a cowboy hat is perfect indeed.
Okay....satire at its finest.....it is satire....right?
Someone commented below.....they are the buy and hold sort.....yes indeed good plan....buy more and hold......another coin....another coin....the list never ends. ^_^
All the best to you and your family. Cheers.
It's the perfect satire my friend!! Or wait... Is it...
Dear Mr. Trading Specialist,
I am on the edge of my seat. Have moved my mondo computer to room central, burned everything but my shorts, put out the other small fire, and am now waiting for Part Two. Big question: All I have is colorful farm hankies, no tissues. Will that work?
Thank you very much,
Signed,
Mortgaged the house, sold car and pets, and waiting for tomorrow's advice
PS. Brilliant post and read, thanks so very much.
It don't matter what colours those hankies are, just that you have enough to do the mopping of bodily fluids.
I see a lot of good words there that you have written but I don't see any mention of a hat? Surely you can't expect to go into the shark infested waters of trading without a good hat?
:O)
I'm new at this, will the red checkered one with ear flaps do??
mmm yes, you are new. Burn it! Buy a fedora!
Oh, I thought you said Fuddora, my bad...
Lol!!
Please, for the love of God, get an increase on your home bandwidth as well. Riding a bike to the local library to trade crypto is NOT how a professional would get stuff done. If need be, fast food restaurants are ok. Just make sure to order a small pop, that way, you can get as many free refills you need while you short btc.
Sage advice!
Yes, fast food will do in a pinch. It has to of course be something that can be eaten accidentally whilst making a trade
You didn't mention that a smart trader always logs in and out seven times to an exchange before any trade. Helps chances greatly and deters possible hackers. Big Brother is watching.
Good point! The hackers are always fooled by the seven log in technique!!!
I bought a hat the other day, and I had no idea why I bought it. It's a grey bowler hat. Having traded a little bit of coin [ pun intended ] and done so so, imagine my surprise after having read your article, that all I had to do to increase my profit, was to wear my new hat, and just slightly cock it [ as it were }. Bingo I was there! Having check marked the rest of the criteria, I am now a fully functioning trader, ready to make millions. Thanks!
Wayhay!! It's a pleasure to have helped her another purist to join the millionaire trades club!! :0)
Gratitude for sharing this awesomeness!
Lol, Cheers dude!!
Really cool pic btw. :)
Cheers man, it took ages!!!
I second that. It's a brilliant picture and a hilarious post to boot.
It's hard to pick just which is my favorite tip; I thought that "Be good to those on the way up" was going to be a straight-up bit of advice about how nobody likes a sore winner / show off. But no, another curve ball.
Thank you, I was rather find of that one too!
I do love a bit of photo manipulation, I spend half my time on a post twiddling with them!
Great stuff, nice illustration. Helping Others To Help (others) 1 By 1.
Cheers very much! Yes, together we can achieve more!! :0D
WHOOOOO!!!!
STEEM on.
SHARING is STEEM ( caring).
1 By 1.
Yes indeed!!
Perfect!!!
Cheers my friend!!
😘😘😘😘
I love this haha
Excellent mate!! It's a pleasure!!
I salt my head and say novenas for the coins and your post is exceptionally funny, true, and Does your spouse have job?
Good luck my friend @meesterboom and may the exchange always be bull!
My spouse does indeed! She works hard for the money as they say in the trade!
Thank you and may your exchange also be always bull!!! :0)
HAHAHAHAHA me too!
Top notchery!
Why thank ya!
Meesterboom, I love your style of writing so much! Again a beauty of a post! Keep up the good work! I love it!
Thanks mate! I really appreciate it!!
Lol
:0)
Awesome post @meesterboom i haven`t been in that type of suspense since those old english easter crime shows :P
Now there is a comment and a half!! ;0) Cheers mate. Love the user name!!
Cheers mate and thanks :)
The buy and hold strategy works the best for me. it has always worked out well for me.
With or without hat?
It's working!!!
h yes, there is one suave looking crypto trading sumbitch! :OD
Will have to beg Charles if I can borrow his ultra stylish swagman cork hat. If he won't lend it to me ~ Guess I'll have to steal it.
As well as keeping away any flying critters, with a swing of the head, I could also use it to make YES/NO trading decisions ~ Kind of like a modern dowsing technique.
Prince Charles as a lad, on a sheep station in Oz. ~Getty Images
Charlie was ahead of his time! Wat a great idea to use it to help with the decision making process! I think that will be a new crypto thing! hehehe!!
Ok, done all of it. My curtains are not dark enough though; But I think some sun rays (the damped version) helps the positivity required to reduce the number of tissues required for the dips (always thinking of the environment). I'm gonna try ti recycle the tissues as well by drying them on my percolator when my coffee is done. The enemy call I was not able to do. Need to find an enemy first. You have a suggestion? Maybe you can provide a phone number of of your enemies? Glad to give him/her a call! Hmmm charts, well well well, sometimes they look like mister spike himself draw them, unexpected 100+ BTC in does not fit well in the charts. Ready to take of, so please send the next post.....waiting......waiting......waiting.......waiting......
Now THESE are useful TIPS!!! You Sir are very generous sharing this highly valuable knowledge!
Please consider supporting me..
https://steemit.com/gaming/@dracosalieri/creative-assembly-why-dost-thou-bestray-me
Link dropping unrelated posts into another post's comments is considered very poor form you know. Fair enough if it is in any way related to what you are saying but if it's not?
I have since been pointed to a link that I am reading. I do apologize..
No worries :0)
This is the friend you need:
Another hilarious post, man!
Cheers dude, I do live a good trading post!! That stuff looks excellent!!! :0)
it's all I eat now a days. People tell me I look thinner...i have lots of energy...a manic drive that scares them to the bone...a look in my eye...an unsettling fidget habit that seems to be independent of my control....
All in all, getting a lot of compliments!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey hey!! That all sounds remarkably familiar!!
Since I substituted coffee for food I am achieving much the same!! :0D
I've been away for two days because of internet problems. Do I count as a returner because of the hype? Too bad I wasn't able to pay for a new router using STEEM. Not because I did't want to, I just, well, didn't have any haha!
Ha! It's good of you to cover all the bases! I'm sure a lot of people are going to get rich off these treasure trove of advice. Good tip to the homeless man, I'm sure he'll be forever grateful to you. By any chance, was that an all grown-up Leopold? The streets are unkind, and I've heard that living there speeds up the aging process.
Okay, now, my rig's set up, the rabbits have been robbed of their feet, four-leaf clover's all laminated, and clothes are all burned (I went the whole 100% Screw the Pareto principle!! 100 > 80 any day) Let's get back to trading. Come on PIVX!!! Daddy needs a new pair of shoes.
You my friend are living to the gold standard!! Burning 100% of your clothing will bring you untold coins!!!
I don't know what happened with my notifications but I didn't get the last two replies on this post!!
You do not count as a returner!! I saw PIVX was starting to move up again!! Soon you could be awash in routers!! ;0)
And is there any other kind of Leopold?
Good thing we're in the middle of the hottest stretches here, so clothes are optional. Taps aff and Battams aff for me!! Let's see if the crypto gods heed my call.
Your notifications? Oh, I told them to get some coffee, I didn't think that they would be gone for so long.
We shall see with PIVX. We shall see. Don't let me down you goshdarn coin, I've already missed out on opportunities because of you.
Not for me to say but... No. No, there isn't.
In my opinion Bitcoin will fail. Can you trust a currency that is reliant on vulnerable technology?? With the creation of a number of new competing cryptocurrencies being developed and eventually diluting the market. If a cyber attack occurred would your Bitcoin be safe. Would you intrust thousands of dollars to the system? How long before Government infiltrate this technology and causes it to fail? Why would Government do that? Because central banks will not tolerate a currency that they do not have complete control over, thats why. If they cause a failure in the system, then people will lose confidence in them, unless of course the federal government comes to the rescue and offers to insure the currency FDICA baby. Look what they did to Precious metals. The feds found a way to manipulate it and fix it. The banks simply print and sell enough paper contracts to dilute the market. Some say that there are up to 200 hundred paper contracts per ounce of gold. The silver and gold markets are easily moved by the simple push of a computer key. They must regulate it in order to keep the value of the dollar intact. The same is true with cryto. If they let the market run, paper currencies would diminish in value. Is it possible that the cryptocurrency was ordained by the central banks as a trail to see if people would buy into this type of monetary system? But for now enjoy the wealth it has created, just don't think they will let the party continue.
Saw your comment and had to stop by. I think he's got enough content now to really wonder wtf kinda people are in this platform.
Yes, he might be starting to think PULL BACK.....PULL BACK!!! :OD